"London's famous Globe Theatre announced plans to perform
Shakespeare's play 'Hamlet' in North Korea. Of course, 'Hamlet' is about a man
on a murderous revenge mission inspired by his late father. Then Kim Jong Un
said, 'Where do they come up with this stuff?'" –Jimmy Fallon
"The Dalai Lama came out in favor of same-sex marriage.
Then he introduced his husband, The Dave Lama." –Conan O'Brien
"New reports show that the Crimean vote to join Russia on
Sunday did not include an option for 'no.' There were only two boxes on the
ballot, one for 'yes,' and one for 'murder my family.'" –Seth Meyers
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