"An anchor for Russia's state-owned news channel quit on
live TV yesterday, saying that she doesn't agree with the network's support of
Vladimir Putin. In response, Putin sent her somewhere no one will ever see her
again – CNN." –Jimmy Fallon
Jimmy Fallon, reading a rebuttal from "Sam I Am" to
Sarah Palin after she rewrote Dr. Seuss's "Green Eggs and Ham" to
criticize Obamacare: "I do not like the speech you spoke, The speech you
spoke was quite a joke, I found your words were lacking taste, You first hit
copy and then hit paste, I would not like this on a beach, So next time write
your own damn speech."
"To celebrate Shakespeare's 450th birthday, the Globe
Theatre has plans to perform Hamlet in every country in the world, including
North Korea. Said one North Korean official, 'Do you need a skull? Because we
can get you a skull.'" –Seth Meyers
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