"In an interview, former vice-presidential candidate Paul
Ryan said he does not have a racist bone in his body. However, he admitted he
has three sexist bones and his spine is homophobic. " –Conan O'Brien
"In a speech, Pope Francis criticized the Mafia and urged
its members to repent. Which is why now every morning the Pope makes his
assistant start the Popemobile." –Conan O'Brien
"This is the difference between our countries. None of the
other candidates specifically mentioned drugs. They let Mayor Ford say over and
over again that he's the only candidate with a proven track record. He's also
the only candidate with a proven crack record." –Jimmy Kimmel
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