they should’ve made it a real New York experience (Even rappers don’t go after the kids)

April 2023

“There is a widely circulated photo from inside the court house, showing Trump seated before a judge. It shows that even the guy who was not too long ago the most powerful man in the world, the guy who controlled our nuclear arsenal and rolled around in a presidential limo and entered every room to Hail to the Chief, had to sit in that courthouse in front of a judge, just like everyone else accused of breaking the law. In fact, if you ask me, they should’ve made it a real New York experience and towed his plane while he was inside.” —Seth Meyers

“Trump’s Mar-a-Lago speech, in which he called the New York district attorney a ‘criminal’, and said the judge was ‘Trump-hating’ with a ‘Trump-hating wife and family’. Who do you know go to trial and talk shit about the judge? That’s bold. The judge could destroy you, and you’re riling him up. If you’re about to fight Cocaine Bear, you don’t offer him crack first. And he didn’t just go after the judge; Trump called out the kids. And you don’t pull the kids into it. Even rappers don’t go after the kids, and they murder each other.” —Roy Wood, Jr.

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If the Senate confirmed chief justice Cocaine Bear (We tortured some folks!)

April 2023

“I know, it feels good, but remember: Trump is innocent until he is proven so, so guilty. At the courthouse, Trump was read his Miranda rights, then he claimed that Miranda wasn’t even his type, asked her to sign an NDA and got indicted again.” —Stephen Colbert

“Despite calls for a mass protest, there were so few Maga protesters in New York that reporters had to line up to talk to them. It’s never a good sign when there are fewer people at your current rally than are in prison for your last one.”  —Stephen Colbert

“I have an uneasy feeling stemming from Trump’s arrest, because no matter how you feel about the ex-president … the man who was arrested today is likely to be the Republican nominee for president, even if he has to accept the nomination on the phone through Plexiglass. So all of this was weird and totally unprecedented, and yet it still feels like the right thing to do. In the same way it would be weird and unprecedented to shoot a tranquilizer dart inside the US Supreme Court, but it would be the right thing to do if the Senate confirmed chief justice Cocaine Bear.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because that's how you get demons (It’s going to be like Elmo versus Cocaine Bear)

March 2023

“Donald Trump is now blaming Mike Pence for the January 6th attack on the Capitol, which is the presidential equivalent of ‘if the teller had just put the money in the bag, everybody would’ve made it home safe.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Listen, Mike Pence can be blamed for a lot of things, like shampooing with white-out, but he didn’t cause January 6th. They tried to hang him on January 6th. I have to say, I can’t wait to see Pence debating Donald Trump. It’s going to be like Elmo versus Cocaine Bear.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Do you recall when Joe Biden, during his 2020 presidential campaign, promised: ‘No more drilling on federal lands, period. Period.’ Period, period, period … comma, as the Biden administration approved the Willow oil drilling project on federal land in Alaska. Which is disappointing, but hey, when you’re that age, that’s the only kind of drilling you can do.” —Kal Penn

“The drilling project includes a device called the thermosiphon, which keeps the permafrost solid enough for drilling while it simultaneously melts due to global warming. Guess Conoco Phillips has an irony division? I mean, keeping the permafrost alive so they can kill it slowly? That’s like some Silence of the Lambs serial killer shit.” —Kal Penn

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I can’t believe I’m saying this to Donald Trump of all people, but don’t overthink it (The Real Cocaine Bear)

March 2023

“The burgeoning rivalry between Donald Trump and Ron DeSantis is heating up, after reports emerged of Trump’s new nickname for the Florida governor: ‘Meatball Ron.’ Personally, I think is the best option so far. I mean, why keep digging when you strike gold? I can’t believe I’m saying this to Donald Trump of all people, but don’t overthink it.” —Seth Meyers

“Trump is reportedly still trying out other nicknames, such as ‘Ron DisHonest’, ‘Ron DeEstablishment’ and ‘Tiny D’. I think we have our fucking winner: Tiny D. I bet when Trump finally comes up with a right nickname for someone, white smoke comes out of the Mar-a-Lago chimney like when they elect a new pope.” —Seth Meyers

“DeSantis notably skipped last week’s Conservative Political Action Conference, also known as CPAC, during which Trump attempted to gin up support for his 2024 presidential run. Among the efforts was a speech by his eldest son, Donald Trump Jr, to a half-empty room. That looks less like an audience and more like the tour group at a spoon museum on a Tuesday morning. I’ve seen middle school dance recitals with a bigger audience. He looks like he’s doing an off-Broadway one-man show called The Real Cocaine Bear.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, I saw more white powder in Cocaine Bear (everyone is remaining calm by repeating this mantra)

February 2023

“Well, guys, the big news here in New York City is, we finally got our first real snowfall of the year. The city got hit hard with 1.8 inches of snow. 1.8 inches. Is that really a big deal? I mean, I saw more white powder in Cocaine Bear.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Today, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis released his autobiography, ‘The Courage to be Free’. The book is already a number-1 bestseller, especially in Florida, where it's literally the only book on the shelf.” —Jimmy Fallon

“These are pretty tense times for Fox News, although everyone is remaining calm by repeating this mantra. ‘At least we're not CNN. At least we're not CNN. At least we're not CNN.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Following a report from the Energy Department that said COVID might have come from a Chinese lab leak, The White House announced that there is no government consensus on how the virus started. It's never good when the government's report on a pandemic is just the shrug emoji.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”