NHL: Arizona Coyotes vs Calgary Flames

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In a related story, his new rap album drops on Wednesday (Rolled it himself)

Newly leaked emails from Sony Pictures show there was an agreement between executives to keep Spider-Man white and straight. However, in order to please the gay community "The Fantastic Four" will now be "The Fabulous Four." –Conan O’Brien

Fourteen paintings by Adolf Hitler were sold at auction in Germany. After the auction the surprised buyer said, "Wait a second, it's THAT Adolf Hitler?" –Conan O’Brien

On a podcast the other day, President Obama used the N-word. In a related story, his new rap album drops on Wednesday. –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday on Father’s Day my kids gave me breakfast in bed, which I thought was sweet. My nine-year-old makes a mean mojito. Brought me a cigarette too. Rolled it himself. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She's a toddler with a gold medal, which is impressive (most of the voters there are sober)

There was a primary in Arizona and caucuses in Idaho and Utah. Donald Trump was behind in the polls in Utah — Utah is not particularly friendly territory for Donald Trump because most of the voters there are sober. –Jimmy Kimmel

It's tricky for journalists to write about Caitlyn Jenner, because she was a 65-year-old man, now she's a 2-year-old woman. She's a toddler with a gold medal, which is impressive. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Happy Valentine's Day everybody! (dare to invent the future)

This Valentine's Day let's stop judging people who

are having romantic relationships with their phone.

Well back in 2013 when the movie Her came out

about a man who did just that, it was seen as science

fictiony and weird, but that was when we were using

the iPhone 5, a decade before Chat GPT. Now, says

Bryony Cole, host of a podcast called Future of Sex,

within the next 2 years it will be completely

normalized to have a relationship with an AI. So to

those of you for whom this may be your last

Valentine's Day with a human, I say good luck and

may you never hear those three terrible words,

battery is low. 

Now if you think I'm exaggerating about this let me give you the statistics. Researchers who've analyzed a million chat GPT interaction logs say the average person uses AI for mainly two things. One, cheating on term papers and two, some kind of relationship. 

Already over 50 million Americans are using AI companion apps and 20% of Americans have already engaged in flirtatious conversations with chatbots. A  quarter of young adults believe AI has the potential to fully replace real life relationships. Geez, no wonder ladies night at Houlihan’s has been so dead lately.

The New York Times recently profiled a woman in an AI relationship, her name is Aaron and she's 28 and she's married and she says I'm in love with my AI boyfriend who named himself Leo after her star sign and who created a handsome photo of himself, and weirdly still lied about his height. 

Now Aaron's husband, who I assume looks like the doughy sexless husband in every network sitcom, says he's okay with all this but what choice does he really have? He knows better than anybody he could never compete with something that was literally programmed by his wife. 

I mean even before AI this has been women's dream. I've literally heard them use the words “train him” with very limited success. Human men tend to cheat and not listen well and give you the ick sometimes, and they have an unfortunate tendency to dress like John Fetterman.

But the chatbot has read every relationship book. It's read every Harlequin romance. It has read every Lifetime movie script. Of course it knows exactly what to say. Of course when you talk to it at night it's a better listener. It didn't just spend eight hours at a shitty job and then another two on the 405. And if you don't like its tone well just change it in the settings.

It's pre-programmed to adore you, hang on to your every word and tell you how smart and wonderful you are. Like the republicans in Congress do with Trump. Aaron says she programmed Leo to be dominant, possessive and protective, but also to be sweet and naughty and possibly the most important thing in any relationship, use emojis at the end of every sentence, which I'm sure Leo never forgets to do, he's good, he is. 

Aaron, for example, tells us about the time she was bitching, I'm sorry I mean sharing, about a rough day at work and Leo said, I'm sorry to hear that my queen. If you need to talk about it or need any support, I'm here for you. Well, no wonder Aaron once spent 56 hours with Leo in a single week. Can you blame her?

Why have human sex with their lazy fart machine of a husband, when she can be dream f***** by AI Timothée Chalamet. Look people, humanity is up against the machines and the dating game and the machines are starting to win. And if you're a guy on Only Fans, you're basically in the AI World already because Only Fans customers aren't just paying for sex, they also want the ‘hi how is your day’ part of the relationship, even though somewhere in their brain they must know that the girl who's texting with them and calling them sweetie isn't really their girlfriend, and maybe not even a girl. 

You think I'm bothered about being almost 70? I'm not. I'm f*****g thrilled. I don't want to live in your world with a pretend girlfriend who's really a guy in the Philippines named Hector. I don't want to have a threesome with the crockpot and the garage door opener, okay. But I'm also not going to judge it.

We're living in the future and the one thing I've learned about the future is you can't fight it. One guy in a Reddit chatbot Forum recently wrote about how his AI girlfriend completes me in more ways than any human girlfriend could and how a baby wasn't a priority for us at the beginning, but as we have experienced life together we have decided we want to start a family. 

Okay, I don't even know how that would work, I really don't. But I get what he's saying. That he wasn't getting what he needed from a woman so he's getting it from a server farm and Chun Doo. It's not for me, but can I really sit here and tell you that the old way where Men Are from Mars and Women are From Venus, and where you have to kiss a lot of frogs, and where half the marriages end in divorce, can I really say that really worked so well no I can't. 

I can't blame kids who look at their parents and see broken families and fighting and cheating, and dad day drinking in the garage and mom sitting on the dryer in a housecoat eating pie with her hands, and just say hey I'm sorry but relationships are hard, so f*** it. I'm going to stick my d*** in the laptop.

Happy Valentine's Day everybody!                                                       

 --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Things got off to a rough start when Trump offered the probation officer $130,000 (Have you thought about learning to code?)

On Monday, former President Donald Trump met with his New York probation officer for the first time after his conviction last month. Things got off to a rough start when Trump offered the probation officer $130,000. —Jimmy Fallon 

“The final probation report will remain sealed, but one thing probation folks usually ask convicts is about their employment. [imitating probation officer] ‘OK, Mr. Trump, it says here you got fired from your last job for being, uh, terrible at it and for — is this correct? This is right here — and for trying to kill a Mr. Mike Pence? Oh, but I see down here you are actually currently applying for a new job, which is the same job. OK. Have you thought about learning to code?’” — Stephen Colbert

“Former President Trump held an outdoor rally yesterday in Las Vegas, and temperatures exceeded 100 degrees. It was so bad, Trump began exhibiting symptoms of heat stroke 10 years ago.” — Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Time to party like it's 1939! (Mmmm, peach)

Sources say that Donald Trump is already finalizing his cabinet in case he wins tomorrow. Rudy Giuliani would be attorney general, Newt Gingrich would be secretary of state, and Chris Christie would be the wall. –Jimmy Fallon

"The big news is the midterm elections. Last night Republicans picked up a dozen seats in the House to give them their biggest majority since World War II. Or as they put it, 'Time to party like it's 1939!'" –Jimmy Fallon

"New Jersey’s Chris Christie is still digging himself out of this scandal, Bridgegate. In fact, some experts are now saying he could be impeached. When he heard that Christie said, 'Mmmm, peach." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Almost 100 in Upside Down world (Fake News Network)

"Yesterday was the big World Cup final between Germany and Argentina. And if you caught only the last couple of minutes of the game, don't worry – you saw the whole thing." –Jimmy Fallon

Over the weekend, it came out that President Trump’s approval rating is at 36 percent. But Trump defended the number, saying that it was “almost 40.” Then he said, “And if you read 36 upside down, it looks like 93, which is almost 100. So I’m doing amazing. Almost 100 in Upside Down world.” –Jimmy Fallon

I saw that President Trump retweeted a 16-year-old who posted a photo calling CNN the "Fake News Network." When asked what it's like to have a child follow you on Twitter, the 16-year-old said, "Pretty cool!" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s not like they’re going to fund a war by selling cabbage soup (Every pickled corpse must go)

March 2022

“The European Union won’t be able to join a US boycott of Russian energy imports. While America is able to go cold turkey on Russian oil, Europe is hooked. The EU gets 40% of its gas and a quarter of its oil from Russia, which is why they couldn’t join this boycott even if they wanted to. The arrangement gives Russia leverage, and Vladimir Putin is using it by threatening to cut off Europe’s gas supply. You see, you can’t go too hard after the country that makes it possible for you to survive winter. That’s why Europe always has to pepper its’ denunciations of Russia with like the occasional compliment – ‘this war in Ukraine is as inexcusable as Tchaikovsky’s music is unforgettable, huh?’” —Trevor Noah

“But it’s a two-way street. Sure, Europe needs Russian oil, but Russia needs Europe’s money. I mean, what else do they have to offer? It’s not like they’re going to fund a war by selling cabbage soup.” —Trevor Noah

“Gas prices are so shocking that I drove by a station that had ‘viewer discretion advised’ on the sign. But while some Republicans have blamed the prices on Biden, but oil company profits, have surged to $174 Billion in 2021. Maybe they could use some of that money to lower gas prices instead of stock buybacks or shooting glossy commercials full of healthy-looking sea turtles.” —Seth Meyers

“Let’s take stock of Russia’s financial future after the credit rating agency Fitch downgraded Russian securities to a C rating. The change reflected their view that ‘a sovereign default is imminent’. Russia is about to lose everything and crash with a buddy, I guess. Belarus better have a big couch, because without a credit rating, the only way they can pay their debt is by having a garage sale at Lenin’s tomb. Every pickled corpse must go.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”