President Bush accused Mexico of having weapons of mass destruction (A Republican with an exit plan?)

"Mexican President Vincente Fox announced that they have discovered oil under the Gulf of Mexico. In a related story, President Bush accused Mexico of having weapons of mass destruction." --Jay Leno

"The Mexican government has been accused of encouraging its citizens to illegally immigrate to the United States. They say they're not. I'm not so sure. Someone sent me a picture of this sign in Mexico [on screen: Salma Hayek. 90 miles]." --Jay Leno

"Indicted former Republican majority leader Tom DeLay announced he is resigning from Congress and he will not run for re-election. People were shocked. A Republican with an exit plan? They say this will be the first time Tom DeLay actually takes a vacation he pays for himself." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he’s known for falsely tripling the size of his assets (male pattern fraudness)

January 2022

“According to documents filed by the attorney general in New York last night, they’ve uncovered evidence that indicates the Trump Organization repeatedly engaged in ‘fraudulent or misleading’ practices. The walls appear to be closing in on Trump — big, beautiful walls. Mexico’s like, ‘Let us know if you need us to chip in with that, muchachos.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“New York State’s attorney general, Letitia James, says that her office has uncovered significant evidence that the former president fraudulently valued multiple assets, including his own private residence. He claimed the triplex apartment was 30,000 square feet in size, but the actual size was just under 11,000 square feet. Yeah, that’s no surprise — he’s known for falsely tripling the size of his assets.” —Stephen Colbert

“You know how when people are shocked, they spit out their water? When I heard Donald Trump exaggerated the value of his assets for the purposes of lying to banks and the I.R.S., it was so the reverse of shocking, I sucked the water back into my mouth.” —Seth Meyers

“But it’s a fairly straightforward case. To find fraud in a business, you just have to look for the signs — particularly the signs at the top of the building that say ‘Trump’ on them — and you will find it there. There is where you will find his male pattern fraudness.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“I mean, at the same time, Donald Trump does not give a [expletive]. Let’s be honest: This dude will brag about himself even if it gets him in trouble. I bet when a cop asks him if he knows how fast he was going, he’s like, ‘Yeah, I do, 400 billion miles a second, the fastest anyone has ever gone. I was so fast. So fast.’” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry 

 

it sounds like a Transformer who can’t smell or taste (I killed a man in line for this thing!)

November 2021

“There is a new Covid variant called Omicron and it has a disturbingly high number of mutations, which make it potentially more dangerous than the others. Yes, it’s all the greatest hits in one place, like if ‘Mamma Mia’ killed you instead of teaching you about the power of love.” —Trevor Noah

“I mean, how did that happen after everything we did? I mean, for two years now, people, we wore masks for some of the time, we social distanced when it was convenient, then like half of us got vaccinated — what more is it gonna take?” —Trevor Noah

“And it could be that all of these mutations that sound so scary turn out to be not that big a deal, you know? Like when Apple acts like it is making tons of changes to the iPhone and we’re like, ‘I need a new iPhone! I need a new iPhone!’ and you get it and you’re like, ‘Wait — it’s just a slightly different camera? I killed a man in line for this thing!’” —Trevor Noah

“Omicron — it sounds like a Transformer who can’t smell or taste.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

John McCain wants war so much, he resents meth labs because they blow themselves up (Just a little poke there Satan)

September 2013

"I am with the majority who don't want to strike Syria. As horrible as chemical weapons are, lots of people don't want to start new s**t in the Middle East. I never understood the rationale behind this: 'Assad you bastard, you monster, you have crossed a line no human may ever cross, even in war. We are going to bomb you. But just a little. Just a little poke there Satan.'" –Bill Maher

"This would be simple if we had a Republican president because a Republican president could get a Republican Congress to bomb Sea World." –Bill Maher on President Obama's position on Syria

"John McCain wants war so much, he resents meth labs because they blow themselves up." –Bill Maher

"The last couple of weeks have been very tough for Republicans because of course they always have to call for the opposite of whatever Obama is saying or doing. And this has been hard when Obama himself has been changing his mind pretty much on a daily basis. First he was against the bombing, of course they were for it. Then he was for the bombing, now they're against it. Now there's a peace plan on the table, and the same Republicans who were saying he was acting too rash to call for strikes on Syria are now calling him a wimp for going with the diplomacy. They say in the end, whether he chooses war or peace, the hard truth is either way he is still inarguably, hopelessly black." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

At least that's what the president is telling Joe Biden (What kind of a nut job is this guy?)

January 2013

"Secretary of State Hillary Clinton returned to work today and as a joke, her staff gave her a helmet. This is the second time a Clinton in government has been asked to wear protection." –Conan O'Brien

"Tickets to President Obama's inauguration have sold out. At least that's what the president is telling Joe Biden." –Conan O'Brien

"Chuck Hagel is the new secretary of defense nominee. They are saying that he may be reluctant to send troops into a war zone needlessly. What kind of a nut job is this guy?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the planet may be inhabited by aliens not paying their fair share (the same 47 percent I don't care about)

October 2012

"A new poll found that only 47 percent of voters find Mitt Romney to be trustworthy. Then Romney was like, 'Well, I hope it's not the same 47 percent I don't care about.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"This week President Obama's Facebook page received more than a million 'Likes' in a single day. All of them from Republicans who watched last week's debate." –Jimmy Fallon

"There is a lot of anticipation for tonight's vice-presidential debate. Joe Biden took six days off to prepare for it. President Obama took just two days off. Well, three if you count the actual debate." –Jay Leno

"Astronomers have discovered a planet that is twice the size of earth and made of diamonds. President Obama says the planet may be inhabited by aliens not paying their fair share." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”