Luckily the Bush administration isn't using the Constitution anymore (Rocket Man)

 

"In an interview, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said that one of her all-time favorite songs is 'Rocket Man' by Elton John.  She said the song reminds of her first boyfriend in college. 'Rocket Man'? So either he's very fast or very gay." --Jay Leno

"A lot of political gossip out there. Looks like there's problems in the Democratic ranks. It seems tensions between Hillary Clinton and Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid are reportedly so high that it's almost like Hillary is married to him." --Jay Leno

"Vice President Dick Cheney is still getting a lot of flack for throwing that first pitch into the dirt [at the Washington Nationals home opener] -- whereas when President Bush threw out the first pitch in Cincinnati last week, it was a perfect strike. Then on the other hand, Cheney can read." --Jay Leno

 

"Heavy rains caused so much flooding in Washington, D.C. today that they had to close down the National Archives where they keep the Constitution. They had to close it down. Luckily the Bush administration isn't using the Constitution anymore." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yes, it is the worst theater since the Democrats held the Senate for a full production of 'Cats.' (Mungo Jerry)

"Just because some Republican senators have recently spoken out against the war does not mean they should be forced to actually vote against it. It's like a relationship -- you just have to trust how they feel. Don't make them say those three little words -- end the war. ... Besides, this whole staying up all night thing is just a partisan stunt. Like Mitch McConnell said, 'it is theater, and bad theater at that.' Yes, it is the worst theater since the Democrats held the Senate for a full production of 'Cats.' Though Harry Reid did shine as Mungo Jerry." --Stephen Colbert

"I have to address something that I saw in the New York Times yesterday. Take a look at this ad, a full-page ad from MoveOn.org: 'General Petraeus or General Betray-Us?' Folks, this is unforgivable. 'General Betray-Us'? Really? You liberals have all of Hollywood at your fingertips, and that's the best taunt you can come up with? What about 'General Butt-Gay-Us?' That would really call his testimony into question. See, as a child, I worked so hard to create the most powerful playground put downs our school had ever heard. Teachers feared me and I am ashamed to see my art treated so shabbily by MoveOn.org. So watch and learn, MoveOn.org. Or, should I say PoopStupid.Poop?" --Stephen Colbert

"As we speak at 11:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time in Washington, Republican senators are being forced to stay up all night debating yet another Democratic proposal on a timetable for withdrawal from Iraq. Still, this is an opportunity for Republicans to stand up for what they believe in -- keeping us in Iraq no matter what. So, at this late hour, heroes like Trent Lott and John McCain are in the Senate trenches, kept in the line of political fire much longer than any of them signed on for. Democrats, bring these boys home." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What do you take from the man who has nothing? (a part-time job as an extra on The Walking Dead)

October 2013

"They said today that the government shutdown will not interfere with NASA's next mission to Mars. Isn't that ironic? We can go to Mars but we can't go to the Statue of Liberty." –Jay Leno

"Americans adults scored below the national average on math, reading and problem-solving skills. Do we need a test to know that we're not good at problem-solving. Can't we look at these morons in Washington and the shutdown and figure that out?" –Jay Leno

"What the difference between the government and Motel 6? Motel 6 can afford to keep the lights on." –Jay Leno

"This shutdown is so bad, Harry Reid was forced to take a part-time job as an extra on The Walking Dead." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

workers are now watching reruns of Breaking Bad just to get the meth recipes (That's how bad it's gotten)

September 2013

"You can see the effects of the government shutdown all over town. President Obama is now down to just one teleprompter." –Jay Leno

"It is so bad the animals at the National Zoo are being auctioned off to HomeTown Buffet. That's how bad it is." –Jay Leno

"It is so bad Iran will now be forced to negotiate with Dennis Rodman. That's how bad it's gotten." –Jay Leno

"It's hurting everybody. In fact, Nancy Pelosi and John Kerry are now being forced to use the same Botox needle. That's how bad it's gotten." –Jay Leno

"At the TSA, they're making passengers fondle and grope themselves. That's how bad." –Jay Leno

"It is so bad a lot of government workers are now watching reruns of Breaking Bad just to get the meth recipes. That's how bad it's gotten." –Jay Leno

"It is so bad John Boehner can't afford tanning cream anymore. He's just rubbing his face with Cheetos dust. That's how bad." –Jay Leno

"It is so bad Harry Reid has been forced to change his own embalming fluid. That's how bad it's gotten." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

if the Democrats don’t stand up for what they believe in, how can Obama sell them out? (Bent Over)

July 2011

"By midweek the Democrats had given to the Republicans more than they originally asked for when these negotiations started. The Republicans still wouldn't take it. The Democrats -- getting rid of the Bush tax cuts? No, that's off the table. Limiting deductions on corporate jets? No, off the table. Ending subsidies for oil companies? Off the table. The only thing that is on the table is the Democrats, bent over." –Bill Maher

"John Boehner's plan: no tax increases and a trillion dollars in cuts. Harry Reid's paln: no tax increases, $2 trillion in cuts. This makes it very hard for the White House, because if the Democrats don’t stand up for what they believe in, how can Obama sell them out?" –Bill Maher

"Gov. Chris Christie was hospitalized yesterday, he had trouble breathing. He first noticed there was a problem when he had difficulty inhaling a pizza." –Bill Maher

"Christie was in the supermarket, and he felt a tightness in his chest, and then he realized he got stuck in the dairy case. He's OK. The hospital today upgraded his condition to gigantic. The doctors say he was already up and about, and taking helicopters to travel 20 feet." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He said he wants to keep prostitution where it belongs — in Washington, D.C. (For less than $50 bucks an hour)

"The king of Saudi Arabia announced that he is giving his people $37 billion in subsidies and payments. It's not a stimulus package, it's a 'don't overthrow me' package." –Jay Leno

"Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid says he wants to outlaw prostitution in his home state of Nevada. Prostitutes say they’re not going to take this lying down. For less than $50 bucks an hour." –Jimmy Fallon

"Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid says he wants to outlaw prostitution in his home state of Nevada. He said he wants to keep prostitution where it belongs — in Washington, D.C." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

he's looking for a job that will make people hate him less (this whole 'women voting' thing)

"Senate majority leader Harry Reid refused to attend the state dinner for Chinese President because he considers Hu Jintao a dictator. In response Jintao said, 'You're coming. You'll have the fish, and you'll like it.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The Republican-controlled House voted to repeal the healthcare bill. If that goes well, they'll see what they can do about this whole 'women voting' thing." –Conan O'Brien

"Arnold Schwarzenegger says he's considering doing a movie in which he would play a Nazi. He says that after being governor of California, he's looking for a job that will make people hate him less." –Conan O'Brien

"President Obama held a state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao. The world leader with the funny name, who grew up in Asia, said he enjoyed meeting President Hu." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

We have to buy a whole new bunch of congressmen (Bush's head exploded)

"Things getting very nasty in Washington. Today the White House denied an assertion by Senator Harry Reid that the Iraq war is 'the worst foreign policy mistake in U.S. history.' The White House said, 'You have to realize that President Bush has two more years in office.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier today, President Bush spoke on the phone with the prime minister of Australia. When the prime minister told him it was tomorrow in Australia, Bush's head exploded." --Conan O'Brien

"Bad news for President Bush. He wants us to stay the course, but even our closest ally is saying no. Prime Minister Tony Blair announced the withdrawal of 1,500 British troops and says that more than half of their troops could be pulled by this summer. Coincidentally, the announcement comes the day after Prince Harry volunteered to go fight over in Iraq. Maybe that's the way to get our troops out -- we send Billy Bush to Iraq." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The British are pulling out. Slovakia is now pulling out. Canada already pulled out. So has Italy, Spain, Portugal, Japan, the Netherlands, Bulgaria, Nicaragua, Honduras, the Dominican Republic, Norway, Thailand and Singapore. Basically, it is just us and the Jamaicans now. And that's mostly because they just don't know where they are." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Harry Reid did shine as Mungo Jerry (keeping us in Iraq no matter what)

"As we speak at 11:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time in Washington, Republican senators are being forced to stay up all night debating yet another Democratic proposal on a timetable for withdrawal from Iraq. Still, this is an opportunity for Republicans to stand up for what they believe in -- keeping us in Iraq no matter what. So, at this late hour, heroes like Trent Lott and John McCain are in the Senate trenches, kept in the line of political fire much longer than any of them signed on for. Democrats, bring these boys home." --Stephen Colbert

"Just because some Republican senators have recently spoken out against the war does not mean they should be forced to actually vote against it. It's like a relationship -- you just have to trust how they feel. Don't make them say those three little words -- end the war. ... Besides, this whole staying up all night thing is just a partisan stunt. Like Mitch McConnell said, 'it is theater, and bad theater at that.' Yes, it is the worst theater since the Democrats held the Senate for a full production of 'Cats.' Though Harry Reid did shine as Mungo Jerry." --Stephen Colbert

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

said a girl with a lower back tattoo (or maybe she didn’t)

Harry Reid is the guy that gets a rat in his bucket at KFC and says, “Well, they’re trying their best.” –Seth Meyers

China’s highest court ruled last week that Michael Jordan owns the rights to his name in Chinese characters. “I thought that meant ‘bravery,’” said a girl with a lower back tattoo. –Seth Meyers

Hillary Clinton gave a speech last week criticizing the epidemic of fake news being spread … or maybe she didn’t. –Seth Meyers

Geez buddy, how low were your expectations? (the real one in Moscow)

Nonetheless, a bipartisan group, including Republican Sens. John McCain and Mitch McConnell, are calling for an investigation, and Trump does not like that at all. He refuses to point a finger at Russia. Why would he? He’ll be up for re-election in four years, he might need them again. –Jimmy Kimmel

Organizers have announced that Donald Trump will attend two inaugural balls during his first week in office. One in Washington, D.C., and then, of course, the real one in Moscow. –Seth Meyers

Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid recently said in an interview that Donald Trump is “not as bad as I thought he would be.” Geez buddy, how low were your expectations? –Seth Meyers

Mick Jagger is 73, he could have been at the hospital for a lot of reasons

According to a statement from his publicist, Mick Jagger was at the hospital for the arrival. I like that they had him “for the arrival.” He is 73, he could have been at the hospital for a lot of reasons. –Jimmy Kimmel

Hillary Clinton made her first public appearance on Capitol Hill since that whole election thing today. She was in town to honor outgoing Nevada Sen. Harry Reid and, what an impression. She showed up in black leather from head to toe, like Olivia Newton-John in the final scene of “Grease.” Incredible. –Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump this weekend will give his first Sunday morning news interview since the election, and it’s a big sacrifice for him because Sunday morning is usually when he tweets about “Saturday Night Live.” –Seth Meyers

Luckily the Bush administration isn't using the Constitution anymore (National Archives)

"A lot of political gossip out there. Looks like there's problems in the Democratic ranks. It seems tensions between Hillary Clinton and Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid are reportedly so high that it's almost like Hillary is married to him." --Jay Leno

"Heavy rains caused so much flooding in Washington, D.C. today that they had to close down the National Archives where they keep the Constitution. They had to close it down. Luckily the Bush administration isn't using the Constitution anymore." --Jay Leno

  

"Russia announced that it is willing to store nuclear waste from other countries. A spokesperson for Russia said, 'Our goal is to be the New Jersey of Europe.'" --Conan O'Brien

tensions are so high that it's almost like Hillary is married to him (Godzilla museum)

"Earlier today President Bush took Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi to Graceland. The prime minister is a huge Elvis fan. There was one embarrassing moment when President Bush made the Japanese prime minister promise that when he visits Japan, he will take him to the Godzilla museum." --Jay Leno

"How about the weather in Washington? Oh my God. The rain, or as they're calling it, Al Gore's revenge." --Jay Leno

"A lot of political gossip out there. Looks like there's problems in the Democratic ranks. It seems tensions between Hillary Clinton and Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid are reportedly so high that it's almost like Hillary is married to him." --Jay Leno

705 people saw a woman in a bikini..

"That's right, 705 people saw a woman in a bikini and thought, 'Muslim Extremist.'" –Stephen Colbert, on the fake outrage over Indian-American Nina Davuluri being crowned Miss America, after it was reported there were 705 tweets that mentioned "Miss America terrorist"

"Senate leaders Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell admitted they have no Plan B if the House doesn't avoid a government shutdown. Of course this raised a lot of questions, like: Since when did they have a Plan A?" –Jimmy Fallon 



Happy birthday to Donald Trump

"Happy birthday to Donald Trump, who is 66 years old today. The first thing he did this morning – he demanded to see his own birth certificate." –David Letterman
 


"Happy birthday to Donald Trump, who turned 66 years old today. He didn't want a big party so he just invited a few close friends to comb  over — I mean, come over." –Jimmy Fallon 

"Republican Senator John McCain and Democrat Harry Reid have called for the federal government to step in and help regulate the sport of boxing. Is that a good idea – something so corrupt and unethical attempting to regulate something so corrupt and unethical?" –Jay Leno



John Hulse painting

  

They say it will help them track down terrorists and pretty flowers

"Gadhafi said he will fight the protestors until the end and he will die as a martyr. The protestors responded by saying, 'Deal.'" –Jay Leno



"The Pentagon is testing a robotic hummingbird that can be used as a spy camera. They say it will help them track down terrorists and pretty flowers." –Jay Leno



"Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid says he wants to outlaw prostitution in his home state of Nevada. Prostitutes say they’re not going to take this lying down. For less than $50 bucks an hour." –Jimmy Fallon