Hey, uh . . . this is 900 iPods (she handed him a live goose and an axe)

There’s exciting news from the world of technology, experts say that in the future sex with robots will become so popular that it could replace sex with humans by 2050. So, basically, in the very near future, instead of texting “U up?” you’ll be texting “U on?” It’s going to be awkward when the robots need repairs. Do you just show up to the Genius bar with a human-sized duffel bag like, “Hey, uh . . . this is 900 iPods.” –James Corden

On a recent flight from Singapore to Japan, a passenger on a budget airline asked for a cup of water and the flight attendant gave him a cup of ice and told him to wait for the ice to melt. But it got worse. The passenger asked for a down pillow and the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’ll pay extra for my bags, but only if I get a pilot (a live goose and an axe)

On a recent flight from Singapore to Japan, a passenger on a budget airline asked for a cup of water and the flight attendant gave him a cup of ice and told him to wait for the ice to melt. But it got worse. The passenger asked for a down pillow and the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe. --James Corden

There’s exciting news from the world of technology, experts say that in the future sex with robots will become so popular that it could replace sex with humans by 2050. So, basically, in the very near future, instead of texting “U up?” you’ll be texting “U on?” –James Corden

Anyone here have plans to travel over the holidays? Well, you might have to check your flights because American Airlines just experienced a computer glitch that has allowed all their pilots to take vacation at the same time, meaning that thousands of flights in December have no one to fly them. This is all part of American Airlines’ new campaign to make the rest of their services seem less awful. “Okay, fine. I’ll pay extra for my bags, but only if I get a pilot.” –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe (the happiest possible ending)

On a recent flight from Singapore to Japan, a passenger on a budget airline asked for a cup of water and the flight attendant gave him a cup of ice and told him to wait for the ice to melt. But it got worse. The passenger asked for a down pillow and the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe. --James Corden

At a Walmart in Minnesota, a customer had to tackle a confused deer after it wandered into the store. The deer is fine and was released back into the wild, which makes this the happiest possible ending to a story of a deer walking into one of America’s largest suppliers of hunting rifles. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm not interested in politics (an army of pissed-off Swifties)

Former President Donald Trump picked a fight with Taylor Swift and her fans this week when he reportedly said that he is more popular than the pop star, insisting his fans “are more committed than hers.” This fight he’s about to pick with Taylor Swift, this might be what does it. It won’t be Jan. 6, it won’t be the election fraud or the sexual assault or dancing with Jeffrey Epstein, or even fathering Don Jr. What’s finally going to bring down Donald Trump will be an army of pissed-off Swifties. —Jimmy Kimmel

“And unlike your rallies, her tickets aren’t free. People paid hundreds and even thousands of dollars to see her — and that’s just here in America. How’s your popularity in Tokyo? And Singapore? How’s your popularity in Gelsenkirchen, Germany? Because she’s doing three nights at a soccer stadium there that holds over 62,000 people even though no one has ever heard of Gelsenkirchen, Germany. It might not even exist.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Taylor Swift is so popular, people want to watch her watching a football game.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, he’s Vincent van Going-to-jail with real estate, is what he is (She runs, jumped into his arms, and then he ran her back 57 yards for a touchdown)

Taylor Swift and football star Travis Kelce were reunited after her concert in Buenos Aires, Argentina, over the weekend. These two – I mean, she is on tour around the world and still makes it to his games on Sundays, he’s in the middle of a football season and is flying to Buenos Aires. They’re making it very hard for every other couple that’s in a long-distance relationship right now – ‘Oh, you can’t make it to my mom’s house for Thanksgiving this year? Travis flew to Singapore for Taylor!’ —Jimmy Kimmel

“And then after the show, she comes offstage, and he’s there. She runs, jumped into his arms, and then he ran her back 57 yards for a touchdown. It was incredible.” — Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump Jr. walked into the New York courthouse for his father’s civil fraud trial to chants of “crime family!” And that is basically what these people are – a crime family. A very dumb crime family. The Gambozos, if you will. —Jimmy Kimmel

Don Jr is so embarrassing. He’s on the stand, he’s testifying in this $250m fraud trial and he has to compliment his father, an ‘artist’ with real estate. Yeah, he’s Vincent van Going-to-jail with real estate, is what he is. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe (Put their hands in their pockets)

If you went shopping on Black Friday, I assume you are watching

this on a brand new 60-inch flat screen from the comfort of your

brand new full-body cast. –James Corden

On a recent flight from Singapore to Japan, a passenger on a budget airline asked for a cup of water and the flight attendant gave him a cup of ice and told him to wait for the ice to melt. But it got worse. The passenger asked for a down pillow and the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe. --James Corden

United Airlines just announced a new plan where you will have to pay to store a carry-on in the overhead bin. What’s next? “In case of a water landing, your seat can be used as a flotation device for only $129. Major credit cards accepted.” –James Corden

I don't think people who participate in Black Friday are there for the bargains. It seems like they go for a socially acceptable excuse to punch a stranger in the face. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe (The search for a moral justification for selfishness)

I saw that Starbucks is going to start blocking adult websites from their Wi-Fi networks. They said there's a time and a place for that type of behavior, and it's all day at Dunkin' Donuts. --Jimmy Fallon

On a recent flight from Singapore to Japan, a passenger on a budget airline asked for a cup of water and the flight attendant gave him a cup of ice and told him to wait for the ice to melt. But it got worse. The passenger asked for a down pillow and the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe (there's a time and a place for that type of behavior)

I saw that Starbucks is going to start blocking adult websites from their Wi-Fi networks. They said there's a time and a place for that type of behavior, and it's all day at Dunkin' Donuts. --Jimmy Fallon

On a recent flight from Singapore to Japan, a passenger on a budget airline asked for a cup of water and the flight attendant gave him a cup of ice and told him to wait for the ice to melt. But it got worse. The passenger asked for a down pillow and the flight attendant handed him a live goose and an axe. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

We have to buy a whole new bunch of congressmen (Bush's head exploded)

"Things getting very nasty in Washington. Today the White House denied an assertion by Senator Harry Reid that the Iraq war is 'the worst foreign policy mistake in U.S. history.' The White House said, 'You have to realize that President Bush has two more years in office.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier today, President Bush spoke on the phone with the prime minister of Australia. When the prime minister told him it was tomorrow in Australia, Bush's head exploded." --Conan O'Brien

"Bad news for President Bush. He wants us to stay the course, but even our closest ally is saying no. Prime Minister Tony Blair announced the withdrawal of 1,500 British troops and says that more than half of their troops could be pulled by this summer. Coincidentally, the announcement comes the day after Prince Harry volunteered to go fight over in Iraq. Maybe that's the way to get our troops out -- we send Billy Bush to Iraq." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The British are pulling out. Slovakia is now pulling out. Canada already pulled out. So has Italy, Spain, Portugal, Japan, the Netherlands, Bulgaria, Nicaragua, Honduras, the Dominican Republic, Norway, Thailand and Singapore. Basically, it is just us and the Jamaicans now. And that's mostly because they just don't know where they are." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

So, you want to be a conservative (Rodman will be there to grab the rebound)

President Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un met tonight in Singapore after we taped our show. So if you're watching this on TV right now, either it went well, or you have a TV in your fallout shelter. --Seth Meyers

According to reports, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un brought his own toilet to Singapore for his summit with President Trump to prevent intelligence agencies from using the sewer to get information on his health. Intelligence agencies were like, “We're just going to go ahead and guess ‘bad,’ then?” --Seth Meyers

NBA Hall of Famer Dennis Rodman arrived in Singapore today ahead of President Trump's summit with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. So at least if Kim launches a nuclear missile, Rodman will be there to grab the rebound. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Things we "can't" afford (that's what my dad calls me)

It is "Jurassic World" week here at the show. "Jurassic World" is a movie about wild creatures trapped on an island. Or as Singapore calls that, "A little too close to home." --Jimmy Fallon

Tonight, in Singapore, Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un finally came face to face. Or in Kim's case, more like face to belly button. --Jimmy Fallon

There’s a lot riding on this meeting. Last night, Kim spent hours preparing, while at the same time Trump was in bed waiting for SpongeBob to perform at the Tonys. --Jimmy Fallon

At the G7 summit, Trump started fighting with Canada over trade. In response, one of Justin Trudeau's former advisers called Trump a pathetic little man child on Twitter. When Jeff Sessions heard that, he was like, "Did somebody say 'little man child'? That's what Trump calls me. Sorry if no one actually said that, my hearing is very fuzzy." --Jimmy Fallon

Then Don Jr. was like, "Did someone say 'mistake'? 'Cause that's what my dad calls me." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I like president's who don't have to pardon themselves (Where Am I?)

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un brought his own toilet to the summit in Singapore. When he saw the toilet, President Trump said, "Oh, so you’re planning to tweet too?" --Conan O’Brien

President Trump told reporters he'll know if the Kim Jong Un meeting is going well by "touch" and "feel." In other words, Trump's lawyer is going to have to pay Kim Jong Un $130,000. --Conan O’Brien

There is a Japanese pop band whose members are all over 80 years old. The band is known for their No. 1 hit song, "Where Am I?" --Conan O’Brien

President Trump said that during the North Korea summit, he will not focus on human rights abuses. Trump said, "My marriage is no one's business." --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

President Trump Korea Singapore summit coin (now only $19.95)

You'd think this would be a source of embarrassment in the Trump White House but turns out they have no such thing. In fact, this is true, the White House gift shop this afternoon offered a similar coin as their deal of the day — a “President Trump Korea Singapore summit coin, black velvet case, regular price $24.95, now only $19.95.” When people found out about it, it crashed the White House gift shop website, which I'm sure the president will brag about. --Jimmy Kimmel

There were two closed-door briefings for members of Congress to go over classified information related to the “spygate” scandal that Trump cooked up. This briefing was originally supposed to be held for Republicans only. Which is insane. It was so insane, in fact, even the White House agreed it didn't look good. So they changed course and hosted a second meeting that Democrats were invited to. Like when your mom forces you to invite the whole class to your birthday party. You don't want to, but you do. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

In Your Guts You Know He's Nuts (major chaos)

I saw that “Survivor” is coming back for a 37th season. I think they're starting to run out of locations. They just announced that next season is being held at a Costco on a Saturday. --Jimmy Fallon

Evan Rachel Wood is on the show tonight. She is the star of "Westworld," the show about robots that look identical to humans, and cause major chaos. Or as it's also known, Facebook. --Jimmy Fallon

A group of scientists in Singapore built a robot that can put together Ikea furniture. That's when you know something's wrong, when it's easier to build a robot than an Ikea dresser. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

it's a different gay in Arizona -- a dry gay

"According to ABC News, John McCain is forming an exploratory committee to run for president. Not to be outdone, Hillary Clinton is also forming an exploratory committee just to try and keep track of her husband." --Jay Leno

"This week, President Bush is flying to Asia to meet with leaders of Indonesia, Malaysia, the Philippines, Singapore, Thailand and Vietnam. Or, as President Bush calls them, China." --Conan O'Brien

"Last week, the Democrats set a new record. They picked up more seats than Mark Foley did when he was a congressman." --Jay Leno

"It's complex, but the simplest explanation is it's a different gay in Arizona -- a dry gay. It still drove turnout among values voters -- that's why most of these referenda passed, but Republican strategists didn't count on the president being less popular than gay marriage. Apparently, the prospect of continued GOP control of Congress is even scarier than the thought of two men humping in your neighborhood." --Jason Jones, on Arizona voting down a ban on gay marriage

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”