If there's two words I trust together in the same sentence..

"A new survey shows that most people trust Google more as a source for current events than traditional news outlets. Traditional news outlets didn't believe the news until they Googled it." –Seth Meyers

"A new helicopter service called Gotham Air is now offering users cheap flights from Manhattan to JFK or Newark airports that start at just $99. If there's two words I trust together in the same sentence, it's 'cheap' and 'helicopter.'" –Jimmy Fallon



Either that or he was setting up the weirdest bar joke of all time

"Tonight President Obama gave the State of the Union address. Obama said he was more relaxed just because he's already done it so many times. Incidentally, Mitt Romney said the same thing about running for president." –Jimmy Fallon



"The Obamas invited 22 guests to the State of the Union speech, including a former Cuban prisoner, an astronaut, and a doctor. Either that or he was setting up the weirdest bar joke of all time." –Jimmy Fallon



So do 10 out of 10 Democrats

"This year's Oscar nomination pool is the least diverse collection of nominees since 1998. There are so many white nominees that Fox News agreed to host a debate." –Seth Meyers

"The RNC released its first presidential debate schedule, which includes at least nine debates in different states across the country. As opposed to the Democratic debates, which will just be Hillary staring at her opponents until they burst into flames." –Jimmy Fallon



"According to a new poll, nearly six out of 10 Republicans want Mitt Romney to run for president. So do 10 out of 10 Democrats." –Conan O'Brien

In the words of Gandhi, 'My bad.'

"Senator Rand Paul reflected on Mitt Romney's potential 2016 campaign and said, 'It's sort of what Einstein said, that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.' When someone told him Einstein didn't actually say that, he said, 'In the words of Gandhi, 'My bad.''" –Jimmy Fallon



"Just days after Mitt Romney suggested he might run for president, there's been a backlash. The backlash is led by Jeb Bush, Mike Huckabee, and just to hedge his bets on every issue, Mitt Romney." –Conan O'Brien

The integrity of the game and possible punishments for the New England Patriots

The integrity of the game and possible punishments for the New England Patriots, Robert Kraft, Bill Belichick and Tom Brady..

Apparently the Patriots didn’t get the message the first time.

The New England Patriots are repeat offenders. They are repeat cheaters. 

Goodell has to send a message that cheating will be punished severely to assure everyone’s compliance and to obey the rules of the game.

This is a dangerous game. This is a collision game where large and powerful human bodies of flesh and bone are thrown into each other at great speed.

Resulting in brain damage, concussions, broken arms, dislocated fingers, elbows, shoulders. Torn ACLs, Torn MCLs. Herniated discs. Spinal injuries.

One of these days there is going to be a death. Or two.

We have men walking away from this game after playing in one hundred of these contests, or twenty of these contests, or ten of these contests that become a terror to their loved ones.

Many now they live out their remaining days in confusion and anger. Men who were once funny and kind end up putting a bullet in their head or their chest to ease their suffering.

Wives, sons and daughters now when they think of their husbands and fathers, the first word they think of is not, kindness, compassion or love,

instead the first word they think of is MONSTER.

This is what these men call competition and we watch it as sport.

Skin and bone. Where the metal meets the meat.

Once again, the integrity of the game. It is everything.

How long have the Patriots been doing this? One year? Two years? Ten years?

I remember a time twenty years ago, when I was in and out of the hospital after having tried to destroy myself a hundred times.

No food. No medicine. Little to no hope.

All I wanted out of life was to live on the farm, watch things grow and write my little stories.

I won’t be watching this “Super Bowl”. Not if Brady is allowed to play or Belichick is allowed to coach.

Suggested punishment…

New England Patriots (repeat offender). Loss of ALL 2015 draft picks.

Robert Kraft. 2 million fine.

Bill Belichick. 1 million fine. 1 year suspension.

Tom Brady. 1 million fine. 1 year suspension.

Do I have any faith that Roger Goodell will do the right thing?

Do you?

PS. Has anyone asked Kurt Warner how he feels about the Patriots stealing a second Super Bowl ring off his finger? Why did Roger Goodell destroy the evidence?

The kinds of thoughts you have when you drive in circles for four hours

"Mitt Romney will reportedly address the Republican National Committee on Friday to talk about a possible third presidential run. It's never a good sign when you have to start your speech with 'Hear me out.'" –Seth Meyers



"Yesterday, during his domestic abuse trial, NASCAR driver Kurt Busch said he believes his ex-girlfriend is a CIA-trained assassin. I guess those are just the kinds of thoughts you have when you drive in circles for four hours." –Seth Meyers

The amazing breakthrough is called a vegetable

"For the first time since 2007, the FDA Has approved a new device to treat obesity. The amazing breakthrough is called a vegetable." –Conan O'Brien



"Mitt Romney is running for president again. That will be attempt No. 3. Well, everybody needs a hobby. He's almost certainly running, and I'm almost certainly retiring, so I don't care." –David Letterman