eating shrimp at the strip club buffet (You said it, baby)

“And by the way, this isn’t hypothetical. We already know Trump's rally in Tulsa led to a surge in cases there. At this point, Trump rallies are on the list of high-risk activities, just like doorknob licking, hugging everyone on the subway and eating shrimp at the strip club buffet.” —Seth Meyers

A woman in Italy recently married herself in a ceremony that included a three-layer wedding cake, bridesmaids, and 70 guests. Did I say guests? I meant cats. 70 cats. –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump said at a campaign rally yesterday that he would put Syrian refugees in safe zones, and make Middle Eastern countries pay for them, adding, “There’s nothing like doing things with other people’s money.” “You said it, baby,” said Melania. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Time to go look for some homes for Grandpa (trademark psychotic meltdowns)

July 2020

On Trump’s recent press conference

“Donald Trump is clearly upset that he can’t hold rallies anymore now that attendance is so bad they look like Tuesday afternoon Mets games. So, yesterday, he lured reporters to the Rose Garden by pretending to hold a press conference, but decided instead to hold a little campaign rally for himself, which quickly devolved into yet another one of his trademark psychotic meltdowns.” — Seth Meyers

“And instead of a press conference, people said it was more like a campaign rally in front of 20 people. In other words, it was just like Tulsa.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Usually when you see something like that on TV, it ends with a voice saying, ‘It’s time to ask your doctor if Abilify is right for you.’” — Jimmy Fallon

"Seriously, if that were a wedding toast, the groom would have wrestled the mic away after 10 seconds.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Normally when a 74-year-old man spends an hour yelling in his garden, his family is like, ‘Time to go look for some homes for Grandpa.’” — Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I mean, look how happy he is returning home from Tulsa (the least popular band at Coachella)

“Now according to reports, the reason for this rally was that White House officials wanted to get Trump out of his funk and get him in front of a huge cheering crowd to lift his spirits. And in that regard, it was a great success. I mean, look how happy he is returning home from Tulsa.” — James Corden, on Trump’s less-than-triumphant return to the White House from Tulsa

“I have never seen a person get out of a helicopter looking that sad. He looks like he’s walking home after a wedding where he got stood up at the altar but still had to party because everything was nonrefundable.” —Trevor Noah

“Trump staked his political fortunes and his ego on this rally, and it was such a flop he even had to cancel a planned second speech to what they thought would be an overflow crowd outside before Trump had landed. Crews were literally breaking down the stage because so few people were there. In other words, though he may be president of the US, they’re treating him like the least popular band at Coachella.” —Seth Meyers

“Trump’s performance was just as lackluster as his attendance. You’d think, at a moment like this, the president might want to offer soothing words about the state of the nation and the various crises we face. Instead, Trump spent one of every eight minutes in Tulsa complaining about coverage of his West Point speech. Specifically, mockery of the way Trump tiptoed down a ramp like a toddler on ice skates, and how he drank a glass of water with two hands. In Tulsa, Trump attempted to explain the awkward glass-clutching as a strategy to avoid splashing water on his tie, then turned taking a sip of water into a crescendo moment to cheers from the under-capacity crowd. Seriously, has a president’s base ever set a lower bar? ‘Woo! That arm works! That arm works!’ The crowd cheered the president drinking water with one hand the way NASA cheered when they landed a rover on Mars.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That is hilarious, getting foiled by a bunch of meddling kids (Trump is basically a Scooby-Doo villain now)

“President Trump’s Tulsa rally over the weekend was poorly attended, with only 6,200 people showing up despite the president’s insistence that one million people had RSVP’d which, it turns out, may have been part of a prank on behalf of TikTok users and K-pop fans. That is hilarious, getting foiled by a bunch of meddling kids. I mean, that means Trump is basically a Scooby-Doo villain now — but at least Scooby-Doo villains wear masks.” —Trevor Noah

“Aw, poor Trump. For somebody who was born into wealth and never suffered a single consequence for his actions, this dude just cannot catch a break. Because nothing is more humiliating than when you throw a party and most of the guests don’t show up.” —Trevor Noah

“And I’m proud of these teens. I mean, think about it: in 2020, TikTok went from being an app where you learn dances to ‘hey guys, this is how you abolish the police and take down the president’.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

they’re just going to spend it on a tank called the De-Escalator 4000 (Gary! Cut that sh*t out!)

“After weeks of sustained protests against anti-black racism and police brutality across America, Donald Trump signed an executive order on Tuesday to curb police violence. But before you get excited … don’t, as the order doesn’t do much. For example, the order promises federal grants to departments for training and certification courses. I’m pretty sure the chant is defund the police. If you give them more funding, they’re just going to spend it on a tank called the De-Escalator 4000.” —Stephen Colbert

“Meanwhile, the Trump campaign continues to plan for its rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma, this weekend, despite the public health risk of coronavirus and an editorial from the Tulsa World declaring ‘this is the wrong time and Tulsa is the wrong place for the Trump rally.’ Well, you know what they say: two wrongs make a rallyful of whites.” —Stephen Colbert

“Trump once again downplayed the use of excessive force by police to a ‘tiny’ number of officers, but, I mean, if bad cops were a minor problem, you wouldn’t have huge protests in every city. You’d just be able to point at the bad cop and be like ‘hey, Gary! Cut that shit out!’” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

To stay safe, Trump is going to have Don Jr. standing next to him with a 9-iron (shouting jokes into the draperies)

“The forecast in Tulsa on Saturday calls for thunderstorms. To stay safe, Trump is going to have Don Jr. standing next to him with a 9-iron.” — Jimmy Fallon

“President Trump dismissed criticism of his decision to resume campaign rallies amid the coronavirus pandemic, and wrote on Twitter yesterday that his opponents are attempting to, quote, ‘Covid shame’ him. But I guess that’s what happens when you have opponents like science, math and reason.” — Seth Meyers

“Last week, the daily number of new coronavirus cases went up in 22 states, but that’s not going to stop Trump from holding a rally this Saturday in Tulsa, Oklahoma, no matter how many people want him to stop. In an editorial yesterday, Tulsa’s largest newspaper, The Tulsa World, opined, ‘This is the wrong time and Tulsa is the wrong place for the Trump rally.’ But you know what they say, two wrongs make a rally full of whites.” — Stephen Colbert

“The paper explained, ‘The city and state have authorized reopening, but that doesn’t make a mass indoor gathering of people pressed closely together and cheering a good idea.’ Yes, it’s not. Otherwise, I would still be doing it in the Ed Sullivan Theater. I have forgotten what laughter sounds like, and it is killing me — but not as fast as having an audience would kill them. That’s why I’m sitting in my study, shouting jokes into the draperies.” — Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”