What if you're trying to get out? (But Rhode Island isn't!!)

The Secret Service's new presidential limo cost $1.5 million and reportedly includes features such as the ability to electrify door handles to shock anyone trying to get inside. "What if you're trying to get out?" asked one woman [photo of Melania Trump]. --Seth Meyers

President Trump said today that getting relief efforts to Puerto Rico after the devastation caused by Hurricane Maria is tough because "It's an island." And then, proving he just learned it, yelled, "But Rhode Island isn't!!" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Harry Potter and the Toupee of Doom (That tweet is so offensive)

President Trump today claimed that Democrats manufactured the death toll of Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico to make him look as bad as possible adding, quote, "If a person dies for any reason like old age, just add them onto the list." Oh, my God. That tweet is so offensive, even the Twitter bird tried to distance himself [graphic of Twitter bird flying away]. --Seth Meyers

Journalist Bob Woodward's new book detailing life within the Trump administration sold more than 750,000 copies in its first day of release. I guess it was pretty smart of him to call the book "Harry Potter and the Toupee of Doom." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

world's most negative year (A-pluses)

There's a new study from Gallup that says last year, 2017, was the most miserable year on record. According to what's known as the Global Emotions Report, an annual study of people all over the globe, since they started keeping track in 2005, last year was the world's most negative year. The poll said in the last year collectively the world was more stressed, more worried, sadder, and more in pain than ever. This is maybe the first time I can think of where Trump would be right to take all the credit for something. --Jimmy Kimmel

Yesterday Trump made the astonishing claim that his team's response to Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico, where almost 3,000 lives were lost, was "an incredible unsung success." At 6:50 a.m. this morning he wrote, "We got A-pluses for our recent hurricane work in Texas and Florida and did an unappreciated great job in Puerto Rico, even though an inaccessible island. Puerto Rico by the way, with very poor electricity and a totally incompetent mayor of San Juan." He really does have a unique ability to make anything and everything about him. It's remarkable. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What are they doing, checking Hitler’s pulse? (Trump wants the paper towels back)

Meanwhile the president’s inexplicable battle with Puerto Rico rages on. Trump fired off a trio of early-morning tweets saying Puerto Rico’s infrastructure was a disaster before Hurricane Maria, blaming them for their own financial problems, and warning that the government won’t be there to help them indefinitely. And also, those paper towels? He wants those back. –Jimmy Kimmel

Following the aftermath of Hurricane Maria, President Trump tweeted this morning that the White House cannot keep FEMA, the military, and first responders in Puerto Rico forever. Forever? It’s been three weeks! What’s your hurry? We still have troops in Germany! What are they doing, checking Hitler’s pulse? Look, we can afford to keep troops in Puerto Rico until long after you’ve left the White House. Maybe even until Christmas. –Seth Meyers

   

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Anthony Weiner's mugshot (sexy calendars)

Trump addressed the devastation that this hurricane caused to him: “I hate to tell you, Puerto Rico, but you’ve thrown our budget a little out of whack.” What!? The budget is out of whack? That’s like a fireman rescuing you from a burning building and saying, “You do understand what our water bill’s gonna be now, right? Do you have any idea how many sexy calendars we’re going to have to sell just to pay for this?” –Stephen Colbert

Trump even took time to meet with victims of the hurricane. Although, he could use some help with the small talk: [clip of Trump] "We're going to help you out. Have a good time." Have a good time. You're at a disaster site, not working the floor at your casino! "You havin' fun here? Listen, I'm gonna comp you a half a gallon of drinking water. Enjoy your hurricane. Don't forget to tip your FEMA worker." –Stephen Colbert

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

I’ll watch a porn movie with you! (US Gun Laws Akbar!)

    

Politico has published a new profile on Robert Mueller and the ongoing Russia investigation, with one reporter saying that asking Mueller for inside information would “be like asking him to watch a porn movie with you.” “I’ll watch a porn movie with you!” said Ted Cruz. –Seth Meyers

      

Today, 13 days after Hurricane Maria, yet another disaster struck Puerto Rico: Donald Trump visited the island. –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #tompetty #travelingwilburys #repealreplacerepublicans

generating electricity from tears (This Is Us)

Scientists have figured out how to generate electricity from tears. In fact, they say that soon, 10 percent of our renewable energy will come from people watching "This Is Us." –Conan O’Brien

President Trump finally traveled to Puerto Rico today amid criticism of his response to Hurricane Maria — 95 percent of the island is still without power. So to make sure the people of Puerto Rico don't miss out on his crazy tweets, Donald Trump went there to deliver them in person. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

slash the tires on all the ambulances (But Rhode Island isn't!!)

Senate Republicans announced today they will not hold a vote on the Graham-Cassidy bill to repeal and replace Obamacare after they were unable to secure enough support. But Republicans plan to come back with a new plan where they just slash the tires on all the ambulances. –Seth Meyers

President Trump said today that getting relief efforts to Puerto Rico after the devastation caused by Hurricane Maria is tough because "It's an island." And then, proving he just learned it, yelled, "But Rhode Island isn't!!" –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans