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Showing posts with label Amish. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Amish. Show all posts

Saturday, November 13, 2021

If this were a Lord of the Rings movie, we'd be almost halfway through (gooseberry jam)


October 2013

"We just hit 190 hours of the government shutdown. If this were a 'Lord of the Rings' movie, we'd be almost halfway through." –Craig Ferguson


"Despite the shutdown, the congressional gym in Washington, D.C., remains open. The congressional gym is like any other gym except the customers are the dumbbells." –Craig Ferguson 


"California Governor Jerry Brown signed a bill that allows illegals in California to practice law. You thought a lot of Americans wanted to close the border before? Wait until lawyers start sneaking across." –Jay Leno

"President Obama said he thinks the Washington Redskins should consider changing their name. He didn't stop there. He also said the New York Giants should consider changing their sport." –Jay Leno


"Circulation of newspapers has fallen to all-time lows. They say newspapers are becoming obsolete. I’ll tell you how bad it’s gotten. Today I saw a homeless guy sleeping on a park bench with an iPad on his face." –Jay Leno


"Under a law that dates back to the 1960s, the Amish are exempt from most federal safety-net programs, and that includes Obamacare. Amish communities actually insure themselves, which is good. I depend on those people who make my gooseberry jam." –Jimmy Kimmel


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Friday, December 7, 2018

Then the stripper giving him a lap-dance said it will still be 20 bucks (But what if your doctor is not Amish?)


"Sarah Palin's daughter is speaking out. In an interview, Bristol says she realizes she was totally unprepared to be a mother. Hey, it's better than being a mother that's totally unprepared to be vice president." –Jay Leno

"In a speech, the chairman of the Republican National Committee, Michael Steele, said 'I am the first here to admit I've made mistakes.' Then the stripper giving him a lap-dance said it will still be 20 bucks." –Jay Leno

"A woman named Sue Lowden is a Republican running for the Senate in Nevada. You know this healthcare thing? The Republicans are against it. She says one of the ways you can keep the cost of your healthcare down is to barter with your doctor. You know, trade with him. That's a great idea. But what if your doctor is not Amish? O.K., what do you do then?" –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

The weird thing is the Jewish Dr. Dre is an actual doctor (Pimp My Buggy)


The New York Times reported today that there's a growing trend, this is true, of Orthodox Jews becoming rappers. The weird thing is the Jewish Dr. Dre is an actual doctor. --Conan O’Brien 7/8/2004

This week rapper Snoop Dogg started doing a series of commercials for Chrysler automobiles. This marks the first time Snoop has recommended a dealer who sells cars. My mom won’t get that joke. --Conan O’Brien 8/5/2005

UPN is working on a reality show where five Amish people are brought to Hollywood and made to live in a modern house. If the show is successful MTV is going to copy the format with a show called Pimp My Buggy. --Conan O’Brien 7/8/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

I'm gonna go drive the new Porsche I can suddenly afford



I read that a new super PAC is actually trying to convince Amish people to vote for Donald Trump. And those people were like, “We're not Amish - we just got rid of our TV’s so we could stop hearing about Donald Trump.” –Jimmy Fallon
Donald Trump's ex-girlfriend says her quotes in the New York Times expose this week were twisted to sound negative, but that she didn't have a negative experience with Trump. Then she said, “Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go drive the new Porsche I can suddenly afford.” –Jimmy Fallon
Happy Birthday to legendary boxer Sugar Ray Leonard, who turned 60 years old today! You can tell he's getting older by his new name - Splenda Ray Leonard. –Jimmy Fallon