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Thursday, January 18, 2018

Keep in mind, I am a proctologist (massive 910 carat diamond)



Miners in Africa have found a massive 910 carat diamond worth tens of millions of dollars. The diamond will go to either a museum or to BeyoncĂ© the next time Jay-Z cheats on her. --Conan O’Brien
President Trump’s doctor predicted that the president will live a long life. As a result, the doctor is now treating Melania Trump for depression. --Conan O’Brien
President Trump had a physical today. After Trump’s exam, his doctor said he found “no cognitive or mental issues whatsoever.” But the doctor did say, “Keep in mind, I am a proctologist.” --Conan O’Brien
A magisterial collection.
An emotional roller coaster.
Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s
Last Night On Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.

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