Friday, April 22, 2016

she gets to wear her birthday tiara all year long

In San Diego near the border of Mexico, the federal agents found a tunnel that is 800 yards long. Which, imagine running a touch down the full length of the field eight times. Thank God for football or I wouldn't have any sense of distance. –Jimmy Kimmel
Today is National High Five Day. Derek Smith claimed he came up with the high five while he was playing for the University of Louisville in 1979. That seems wrong because I'm pretty sure Jesus gave high fives after the loaves and fishes thing. –Jimmy Kimmel
Queen Elizabeth is having her portrait done by Annie Leibowitz. She's releasing a new stamp in her honor in May. There is a public celebration of her birthday. In June there is a service at St. Paul's plus a big parade — and she gets to wear her birthday tiara all year long. –Stephen Colbert

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