I know, it's crazy, right? (and I assume possession of weed)

Kim Jong Un might cancel his meeting with Donald Trump, where they were supposed to discuss North Korea's nuclear weapons. Trump was like, "How could someone just pull out of a nuclear agreement?" And Iran was like, "I know, it's crazy, right?" --Jimmy Fallon

Two people in Arkansas were arrested for stealing $5,000 worth of Little Debbie snack cakes. They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Only one man can save us.. (he'll keep going until he finds one that fits)

Breaking his previous Guinness World Record, a German man has collected 11,000 different snow globes. He said he'll keep going until he finds one that fits. —Greg Gutfeld

So, whistleblowers alleged that a Justice Department probe into the Clinton Foundation was marred by conflicts of interest. One interest, not wanting to get murdered. —Greg Gutfeld

A Chinese billionaire has allegedly fathered more than a hundred children born in the USA. They say it's all part of a nefarious plot to raise the cost of car insurance. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Queen Elizabeth needs money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie (truck nuts)

It is so cold in the midwest that truck nuts have actually moved up inside the truck. --Conan O’Brien

"The royal family has reportedly burned through its money and is now strapped for cash. In fact, Queen Elizabeth needs money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he ran away to stay with Michael Vick (Nicholas Cage-istan)

April 2012

"During a campaign event, Newt Gingrich was bitten by a penguin. It was feeding time and Newt and the penguin were fighting over pieces of squid." –Conan O'Brien

"Ann Romney is defending her husband for once strapping the family dog to the roof of their station wagon on a family trip, saying, 'The dog loved it.' Unfortunately the dog could not be reached for comment because he ran away to stay with Michael Vick." –Conan O'Brien

"There is a record number of Americans now who owe so much in back taxes that they are renouncing their U.S. citizenship. These Americans were offered a place in Nicholas Cage-istan." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unfortunately, the committee includes MC Hammer, Willie Nelson, and Nicholas Cage (Being carjacked, LOL)

August 2011

"We finally get a black President, and our credit goes bad. If Obama's going to be stereotyped as black he should own it. And by 'own it' I mean rent it." –Daily Show "senior black correspondent" Larry Wilmore

"Obama is going to use 'weird' as code for 'Mormon.' I am really starting to respect that urban, rhythmic, Socialist, Kenyan secret Muslim." –Stephen Colbert, on the Obama campaign's apparent plan to target Mitt Romney as "weird"

"Some political analysts are saying that President Obama is making many of the same mistakes that President Bush made. Obama said, 'That's ridiculous, and if you'll excuse me, 'Spongebob' is on.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Nancy Pelosi has named the final members of the committee charged with reducing the debt. Unfortunately, the committee includes MC Hammer, Willie Nelson, and Nicholas Cage." –Conan O'Brien

"The FCC says you will soon be able to send text messages to 911. I'm sure 911 operators can't wait to get texts that say, 'Being carjacked, LOL.'" –Conan O'Brien 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

So basically, our nation has become Nicholas Cage (They may even have to stop paying Captain America)

July 2011

"On August 2, the United States government runs out of money. They may even have to stop paying Captain America." –David Letterman

"Jeb Bush may run for President. Bush Presidencies are like 'Caddyshack' movies. They should have stopped with one." –David Letterman

"The country is running out of money and everyone is fighting. It reminds me a lot of my childhood." –Conan O'Brien

"In his speech, President Obama said that 'compromise' has become a dirty word. Then he told Republicans to go compromise themselves." –Conan O'Brien 

"The government is one week away from running out of money to pay its bills. So basically, our nation has become Nicholas Cage." –Conan O'Brien 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Have you seen that chick Jared’s with? Exactly my type (That’s like Nicolas Cage turning down a movie role)

“Bill Barr refused to publicly defend the president? Something is seriously wrong.
That’s like Nicolas Cage turning down a movie role.” --Stephen Colbert

“In a series of rage tweets this morning, he wrote ‘A fake Washington Post con
job.’ ‘Totally untrue and just another fake news story,’ ‘lowlife reporters,’ ‘pure
fiction’ from a ‘garbage newspaper.’ He said this ‘never happened’ and there
were ‘no sources,’ which means it definitely happened and there are multiple
sources.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Of course, there’s only one way to make sure a story about Trump is true, and that’s if he rage-tweets his denial: ‘Bill Barr did not decline my request to talk about Ukraine. The story was a fake Washington Post con job with an ‘anonymous’ source that doesn’t exist. Just read the transcript. The Justice Department already ruled that the call was good. We don’t have freedom of the press!’ I’m not sure what to make of that last sentence. Is that a complaint or is that a new executive order? [imitating Trump] ‘We don’t have freedom of the press. Write that down. While we’re at it, we’re also getting rid of that one where we can’t covet other people’s wives. Have you seen that chick Jared’s with? Exactly my type.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

two hours of Nicholas Cage trying to tape the Constitution back together (a polecat in a beer helmet)

This week, it really feels like we're seeing one threat after another to our system of Constitutional democracy. The president is vowing to block all subpoenas from Congress, his lawyers are arguing in court that Congress doesn't have the power to investigate him, the White House Counsel told Congress this week that Trump would refuse all demands for records and testimony related to the Mueller report, and Trump is turning the justice department into a political weapon. At this point, the next "National Treasure" movie is just gonna be two hours of Nick Cage trying to tape the Constitution back together. --Seth Meyers

Republicans don’t seem to know how the female reproductive system works. Who was their sex-ed teacher, a polecat in a beer helmet? --Seth Meyers

A Washington, D.C., condo that is currently up for sale has gained attention online after Internet users discovered that a listing photo of the property accidentally included a man's penis. Said prospective buyers, "No, I wanted exposed BRICK." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

JOKES: C’mon, no one is 100 percent straight (I’m not under oath right now, am I?)

Attorney General Jeff Sessions recused himself from any investigations into Trump’s ties with Russia. But he still claims he did not lie under oath. Then he said, “I’m not under oath right now, am I?” –Jimmy Fallon

As you’d expect, many people are very upset with Jeff Sessions. But White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer said that when Sessions denied having contact with Russia, he was being “100 percent straight.” Even Mike Pence was like, “C’mon, no one is 100 percent straight.” –Jimmy Fallon

Apparently, House Republicans are keeping their Obamacare replacement bill hidden in a basement in Congress, and other lawmakers can’t get to it. Then Nicolas Cage was like, “Don’t worry, you guys — I got this! I gotta break through the dome and find the hidden treasure!” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Trump admitted he made the choice on an empty stomach (Godspeed, John Glenn)

For the second year in a row, Johnny Depp has been named Forbes magazine’s Most Overpaid Actor. After hearing this, Nicolas Cage said, “What do I have to do?” –Conan O’Brien

Starbucks has come out with a new Frappuccino that’s named after Pokémon Go. They’re saying it has “the taste of something you lost interest in around September.” –Conan O’Brien

For his secretary of labor, President-elect Trump has picked an executive from the fast food restaurants Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s. Afterwards, Trump admitted he made the choice on an empty stomach. –Conan O’Brien

the highest rated hate-watch in history

Jeb Bush spent $130 million and didn’t win a single state. Jeb spent yesterday commiserating with his campaign manager Nicolas Cage. –Conan O’Brien

It’s being reported that over 20 million people interrupted their workday to watch Kanye West's fashion show online. People are calling it the "highest rated hate-watch in history." –Conan O’Brien

U.S. officials say that ISIS is facing a severe strain on its cash supply. ISIS blames it on poor oversight, economic sanctions, and betting all their money on the Carolina Panthers. –Conan O’Brien

A photo has emerged from the 1960s of Bernie Sanders getting arrested during a civil rights protest. Meanwhile, another photo emerged from the '60s that shows Donald Trump’s wife, Melania, not being born yet. –Conan O’Brien