Eh, you get used to it (We did?)

A city in Uruguay this weekend held a cannabis cup, where a panel of experts judged marijuana on aroma, flavor, effects, and strength. The experts were like, "We did?" –Seth Meyers

And finally, soccer's governing body, FIFA, announced yesterday that it has added a new rule prohibiting goalkeepers from throwing the ball into the other team's net. "Eh, you get used to it," said the Knicks. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How the hell did you manage to lose money running a casino? (We did?)

A city in Uruguay this weekend held a cannabis cup, where a panel of experts judged marijuana on aroma, flavor, effects, and strength. The experts were like, "We did?" –Seth Meyers

President Trump today met several Native American tribal leaders. They had a lot of questions for the president, such as, "How the hell did you manage to lose money running a casino?" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He now faces up to 5, 12, 14, 20, or 25 years in prison (bombing people from long range)

And finally, soccer's governing body, FIFA, announced yesterday that it has added a new rule prohibiting goalkeepers from throwing the ball into the other team's net. "Eh, you get used to it," said the Knicks. --Seth Meyers

A former Iowa lottery official was found guilty yesterday of rigging a computerized "Hot Lotto" game so he could win a $14 million jackpot. He now faces up to 5, 12, 14, 20, or 25 years in prison. –Seth Meyers

A city in Uruguay this weekend held a cannabis cup, where a panel of experts judged marijuana on aroma, flavor, effects, and strength. The experts were like, "We did?" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Remember the stories he used to tell us about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? (It's just that exciting, ladies and gentlemen)

"During the World Cup, Uruguay is playing Italy and one of their

players bites an Italian player. How many of you folks have ever

been bitten by a Uruguayan?" –David Letterman

"I am excited about the World Cup and the U.S. soccer team. But I will admit there are nuances to the game that are lost on me. For example, the United States has won one game, tied one game. They play Germany, and if they tie Germany 0-0, they advance to the finals. It's just that exciting, ladies and gentlemen." –David Letterman

"Dick "Kaboom" Cheney is publishing his memoirs. Cheney is a wonderful fiction writer. Remember the stories he used to tell us about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, crazy, isn't it? He's been upgraded from hated to unpopular (I hope to become the new face of Scientology)

"Do you know what I'm going to do when I retire? I hope to become the new face of Scientology." –David Letterman

At the World Cup, Uruguay's Luis Suarez bit a player from Italy's team. It's the third time he's done it. The last time he bit a Chinese player and then claimed he was hungry an hour later.--Conan O'Brien

"Here's fascinating news. Dick Cheney, do you remember Dick Cheney? Dick 'Boom Boom' Cheney. His approval rating is up to 26%, up to 26%. Yeah, crazy, isn't it? He's been upgraded from hated to unpopular." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How many of you folks have ever been bitten by a Uruguayan? (It's just that exciting, ladies and gentlemen)

June 2014

"I am excited about the World Cup and the U.S. soccer team. But I will admit there are nuances to the game that are lost on me. For example, the United States has won one game, tied one game. They play Germany, and if they tie Germany 0-0, they advance to the finals. It's just that exciting, ladies and gentlemen." –David Letterman

"During the World Cup, Uruguay is playing Italy and one of their players bites an Italian player. How many of you folks have ever been bitten by a Uruguayan?" –David Letterman

"FIFA, the world soccer governing body, says the guy who did the biting has to wear one of those dog cones for the rest of the tournament." –David Letterman

"Italy was eliminated from the World Cup. Italians were running through the streets waving their hands around, screaming at each other. Then they heard about the World Cup." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The last time he bit a Chinese player and then claimed he was hungry an hour later (they were too busy swimming in a pool of money)

June 2014

"Over the weekend Afghanistan held its presidential election run-off. The way it works is everyone runs off, and whoever's slowest has to be president of Afghanistan." –Seth Meyers

At the World Cup, Uruguay's Luis Suarez bit a player from Italy's team. It's the third time he's done it. The last time he bit a Chinese player and then claimed he was hungry an hour later.—Conan O’Brien

"Last night Hillary Clinton said she won't support legalizing recreational marijuana until we see how it goes in Colorado. Officials in Colorado couldn't respond because they were too busy swimming in a pool of money." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's in the chapter Things I Have in Common with Conan O'Brien. (Brought me a cigarette too. Rolled it himself)

Yesterday on Father’s Day my kids gave me breakfast in bed, which I thought was sweet. My nine-year-old makes a mean mojito. Brought me a cigarette too. Rolled it himself. –Conan O’Brien

At the World Cup, Uruguay's Luis Suarez bit a player from Italy's team. It's the third time he's done it. The last time he bit a Chinese player and then claimed he was hungry an hour later.--Conan O'Brien

South Carolina and Mississippi are on the verge of taking down their state Capitol's Confederate flag. Here's the surprising part. They're doing it just because Taylor Swift told them to. –Conan O’Brien

"Bristol Palin's new book says she lost her virginity on a night when she had too many wine coolers. It's in the chapter 'Things I Have in Common with Conan O'Brien.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's what they're doing right now for Hillary Clinton (Thanks, but I'm happily married)

May 2014

"The earthquake damaged the Washington Monument. They had to do some sandblasting, had to have the graffiti removed, and then they filled in the cracks with some sort of sealant. It's what they're doing right now for Hillary Clinton." –David Letterman

"During his trip to the White House yesterday, Uruguay's president said that more Americans should be bilingual. Then Joe Biden said, 'Thanks, but I'm happily married.'' –Jimmy Fallon 

"A federal judge ruled yesterday that Idaho's ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional, so now it's legal for gay couples to get married. Idaho's gay people all cheered – from their homes in San Francisco and New York." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Top Ten Items On The United Nations General Assembly Agenda (Do whatever China says)

David Letterman's "Top Ten Items On The United Nations General Assembly Agenda"

10. Screw with the Swedes

9. Recap highlights from last night's 'Two and a Half Men'

8. Goodbye, Euro. Hello, Chuck E. Cheese tokens

7. Pass resolution that Steve Carell 'was robbed' at the Emmys

6. Gently break it to the Russians that they've been writing their Rs backwards all these years

5. Finally nail down which one's Uruguay and which one's Paraguay

4. Pitch sitcom about Greece and United States called 'Two Broke Countries'

3. Do whatever China says

2. Congratulate whatever country came up with the 'Girl With the Dragon Tattoo' books, because those were awesome 

1. Debate whether to renew the Letterman fatwa

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I got to where I am today is probably because my great-great-grandfather built the ark (To share his expertise on bad beards)

“Donald Trump Jr. just got paid $50,000 to give a speech at a college. If he wasn’t Donald Trump’s son, why else would they be asking him to speak, huh? To share his expertise on bad beards?” --Trevor Noah

“Even with their dad in office, the Trumps are still growing their business in places like India, Philippines, Indonesia, Uruguay — they’re all over the world. It’s like ‘The Amazing Race’ with no running and no chins.” --Trevor Noah

“I know for a fact, I know, the only reason I got to where I am today is probably because my great-great-grandfather built the ark.” --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

a panel of experts judged marijuana on aroma, flavor, effects, and strength

A number of college professors are saying that Melania Trump's convention speech earlier this week would classify as plagiarism in some academic settings. While in other academic settings [displays logo of Trump University], it would earn you a Ph.D. in "Speechinating." –Seth Meyers

A 91-year-old woman in Germany is under investigation for destruction of property after she tried filling in words on a crossword puzzle on display at an art museum. If charged, the woman could face time in a four-letter word for enclosure. –Seth Meyers

A city in Uruguay this weekend held a cannabis cup, where a panel of experts judged marijuana on aroma, flavor, effects, and strength. The experts were like, "We did?" –Seth Meyers