their favorite part is when Captain America asks Captain China for a $17 trillion loan (President Barack O-buzzkill)

April 2014

"Big news out of the White House. According to a new rule, Secret Service agents can no longer drink alcohol 12 hours before reporting to duty. The rule came at the request of President Barack O-buzzkill." –Conan O'Brien

"The North Korean dictator is in the news again. He was re-elected with 100 percent of the vote. He said, 'I haven't been this happy since I scored 700,000 on the SAT exam.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Captain America is currently the No. 1 movie in China. The Chinese say their favorite part is when Captain America asks Captain China for a $17 trillion loan." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you're ever on trial for underpaying your nanny, you could get the death penalty (human dwelling places)

"In Idaho, restroom enthusiast Senator Larry Craig, he said he would resign. He said he enjoyed being in Washington and he'll miss his colleagues on both sides of the stall." --Jay Leno

"There's now talk here in California of letting noncitizens serve on juries. The bad news: If you're ever on trial for underpaying your nanny, you could get the death penalty." –Jay Leno

"Senator Larry Craig, the man of the peephole. I'm sorry, man of the people. As you know, Larry Craig said he was going to resign. He has now vowed to stay in the Senate and finish his term. You know, you just don't flush a career like that down the toilet." --Jay Leno

"Here's a bizarre story. I'll try to put this as delicately as possible. A woman in El Salvador was arrested for smuggling into prison a hand grenade inside her vagina. Although I guess technically at that point it's no longer a hand grenade. In a related story, earlier today former President Bill Clinton announced he's going to El Salvador to look for weapons of mass destruction." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They just closed their eyes and listened to Morgan Freeman read the appetizers (Join the club)

Donald Trump's plane made an emergency landing in Nashville yesterday after reporting engine problems. When asked what the issue was, the pilot said, "Nothing, I just couldn't take it anymore.” –Jimmy Fallon

President Obama was spotted at a steak restaurant in D.C. This week with Morgan Freeman and Tom Hanks. They didn't even order anything. They just closed their eyes and listened to Morgan Freeman read the appetizers. –Jimmy Fallon

Over the weekend, a man in Kentucky caught a 20-pound goldfish. The hard part will be flushing it down the toilet when it dies. Get the plunger. --Jimmy Fallon

"The entire East Coast is covered with snow banks and snow drifts, or as Toyota drivers call them — 'cushions.'" –Jimmy Fallon

While Donald Trump was speaking at a rally in Atlanta, the lights suddenly went out and Trump said he actually liked it more in the dark. Then Melania Trump said, “Join the club.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”