Although, to be fair, any company Trump runs is eventually nonprofit (Four score and seven ratselttab)

I know this happened five days ago, but I will not be denied the chance to enjoy Trump’s tweet from just after midnight last Wednesday: “Despite the constant negative press covfefe.” OK. Strong statement. Bold. Presidential. Reminds me of the first draft of the Gettysburg address: “Four score and seven ratselttab.” –Stephen Colbert

Of course, the internet lost their covfefe over this. Why did the president type that? It was the new “What color is the dress?” But instead of “white versus blue,” it was “sleepy versus stroke.” –Stephen Colbert

It started with Trump’s plan to turn the air traffic control functions of the FAA into a nonprofit corporation. Although, to be fair, any company Trump runs is eventually nonprofit. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s like Shark Week, except American infrastructure might actually kill you (Four score and seven ratselttab)

Of course, the internet lost their covfefe over this. Why did the president type that? It was the new “What color is the dress?” But instead of “white versus blue,” it was “sleepy versus stroke.” –Stephen Colbert

I know this happened five days ago, but I will not be denied the chance to enjoy Trump’s tweet from just after midnight last Wednesday: “Despite the constant negative press covfefe.” OK. Strong statement. Bold. Presidential. Reminds of the first draft of the Gettysburg address: “Four score and seven ratselttab.” –Stephen Colbert

"Something happened last night, I was down in Washington, D.C., love it down there, can't get enough of that city. Anyway, I was out with my buddy, Rep. Patrick Kennedy of Rhode Island, and we were driving home, and I suggested we play a game of I Spy a Concrete Barricade. Patrick is a fierce competitor and, well, he won." --Stephen Colbert

The White House announced today that they’re kicking off “Infrastructure Week.” It’s like Shark Week, except American infrastructure might actually kill you. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Then the president got on his horse and rode off to spread the news to the next town (America in two headlines)

November 2013

"There's a turkey shortage. Are you aware of that fact? There's also a gravy shortage. It's up to $4 a gallon. Governor Chris Christie wants to build a gravy pipeline." –David Letterman

"According to insiders, the White House hired a consulting firm that told them the Obamacare website wasn't ready. But the White House went ahead. The White House made this mistake because they don't know how to open their email." –David Letterman

"Today's the anniversary of the Gettysburg Address and it's also Larry King's birthday — two events that happened 150 years ago. Actually, Larry is older. He reported at that event. He said, 'Didn't talk as long as we thought but what are you going to do? And why the four score?'" –Conan O'Brien 

"President Obama is being criticized for not attending today's ceremony commemorating the Gettysburg Address. In fairness, though, Lincoln did not attend Obama's 'Sorry about this crappy website' speech." –Conan O'Brien

"Obama is wrestling with the healthcare rollout debacle. He urged Americans not to be put off by the Obamacare website and offered alternative ways to enroll, such as using the mail. Then the president got on his horse and rode off to spread the news to the next town." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry  

 

He kept thanking people and the band played him off (because no one has a sense of humor any more)

November 2013

"Ever since he admitted to smoking crack in office, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has been under siege. The city council has been stripping the mayor of his powers because no one has a sense of humor any more." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Today they took Rob Ford's office budget and his staff away. He has been removed from his position on committees and lost his power to fill vacancies. The only power he has left is to represent the city at official functions. That's actually the one I would be worried about." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Every time he's in public, Rob Ford does something great. He's my favorite new reality show. If he lived in America, we would be renewing him for a second season. " –Jimmy Kimmel

"How about that Obamacare? They bungled it. They rolled it out and it wasn't ready. The only good news out of Obamacare is that it's nice to know somebody knows less about computers than I do." –David Letterman 

"Tomorrow will be the 150th anniversary of the Gettysburg Address. It's one of the better-known speeches of all mankind but at 272 words it was pretty short. It was supposed to be longer but what happened was Lincoln kept thanking people and the band played him off." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But that doesn’t mean he won’t say he was every single chance he gets (the Pope of chicken wings)

“Yesterday, Trump was asked about his threat to halt federal funding to Michigan because of their plan to encourage Michiganders to vote by mail. Trump doesn’t want that. He wants fewer people to vote, and he also wants to be able to claim fraud if he loses. But that’s not the weird thing. The weird thing is while doing it for the umpteenth time, he made the unsubstantiated claim that Michigan once named him ‘Man of the Year.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“He remembers it so well, but there is no evidence he was ever honored with an award like that of any kind. This has been investigated extensively and it would appear, and you’re not gonna believe this, it would appear he made it up. He was never ‘Man of the Year.’ But that doesn’t mean he won’t say he was every single chance he gets.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“According to former Congressman Dave Trott, the man who presented Trump with the thing he remembers so well, there was no ‘Michigan Man of the Year’ award. What he gave Trump was a framed copy of President Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. [as Trump] ‘I want to thank President Lincoln for naming me Michigan’s man of the year. This reminds of the time the D.M.V. gave me a beautiful plastic card naming me People’s “Sexiest Man Alive." I keep it in my wallet with the Applebee’s coupon naming me the Pope of chicken wings.’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He asked Biden to attend the party for him (and then ask China for $6 trillion)

"President Obama said GM's comeback would be the success story of this recession. GM said it wanted to thank those who made its recovery possible: Toyota’s brakes, Toyota’s steering and Toyota's accelerator." –Jimmy Fallon

"A group of economists unveiled a new plan to reduce the deficit by $6 trillion in the next 10 years. The first step of the plan is to look at all our spending over the past five years, determine what’s unnecessary . . . and then ask China for $6 trillion." –Jimmy Fallon

"The Capitol Hill Christmas tree is on its way, and once it gets to Washington it'll die in committee." –David Letterman

"On this day in 1863, President Abraham Lincoln delivered the Gettysburg Address. Following the address, the rebuttal was given by John McCain." –David Letterman 

"Vice President Joe Biden turned 68 years old. President Obama was so excited. He asked Biden to attend the party for him." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And I think I speak for all of us when I say, move over, Gettysburg Address! (Just drive)

During a speech today, President Trump complained that he was not given more credit for his handling of Senator John McCain's funeral, saying, "I gave him the kind of funeral that he wanted, which as president, I had to approve. I don't care about this. I didn't get a thank-you. But that's okay. We sent him on the way, but I wasn't a fan of John McCain." And I think I speak for all of us when I say, move over, Gettysburg Address! --Seth Meyers

A man in Australia reportedly returned to his car over the weekend to find a koala bear sitting in his back seat. Even weirder, when he got in, the bear said, "Just drive." --Seth Meyers

That's right. 89 years ago today, Colonel Sanders founded fast-food chain KFC. And boy, was Trump pissed when he found out he still had to come to work today. Meyers as Trump, "It's a holiday!" --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Four score and seven years agoooooooooo (folding laundry in her underwear)

Trump tweeted about his oval office speech saying, “Thank you for soooo many nice comments regarding my speech.” Look at how many Os he used in the word so. Look at that. But it’s actually very presidential. I think I remember Abraham Lincoln’s famous speech: “Four score and seven years agoooooooooo.” --James Corden

I don’t know if you saw this, but while the networks were carrying Donald Trump’s address, Stormy Daniels offered an “alternative option” for viewers. The could watch her on Instagram Live, folding laundry in her underwear. As a rebuttal, Vice President Mike Pence was folding pleated golf pants on christianmingle.com. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You may have heard of the group, Halliburton (I call it my WMDs)

"A group has now filed papers to nominate Dick Cheney to run for president of the United States in 2012. You may have heard of the group, Halliburton." –Jay Leno

"New reports on Sarah Palin's 'Going Rogue' bus tour. They say she's been traveling on private planes to various stops and then just hops in the bus at the local town. So, let's see what you got. You have Sarah Palin, who's no longer governor, who's promoting a book she didn't actually write by going on a bus tour which is not really a bus. Her big complaint? Politicians who aren't real." –Jay Leno

"Last night, Fox commentator Bill O'Reilly said that President Obama's speech was 'no Gettysburg address.' When he heard this, Larry King said: 'How would you know? I don't remember seeing you there.'" –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Janice From HR Wants to See You in Her Office (They're just too emotional)

Tomorrow is National Tequila Day. While the day after that is National "Janice From HR Wants to See You in Her Office” Day. --Jimmy Fallon

Well, move over, Gettysburg Address! After the president of Iran issued a warning to President Trump, Trump posted an all-caps tweet saying, "To Iranian President Rouhani: NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER A COUNTRY THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED WORDS OF VIOLENCE & DEATH. BE CAUTIOUS!" All I can say is thank God we didn't elect a woman president. They're just too emotional. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Holy guacamole, this war sucks. (fired for sexually harassing himself)

According to the chairman of NBC News, (Matt) Lauer was fired due to "inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace." Not to be confused with "appropriate" sexual behavior in the workplace. Because that does not exist. –Stephen Colbert

We should have seen that Matt Lauer had a strange obsession with women. I mean, just look at any of his actual Halloween costumes. Dolly Parton, "Baywatch" babe, Paris Hilton, and Lucy from Peanuts. Good grief. After looking at those photos, I think he could have been fired for sexually harassing himself. –Stephen Colbert

Donald Trump weighed in on the Matt Lauer story tweeting, "Wow." Wait a minute. Wow? I'm still not used to a president typing the word "Wow." That's like if the first draft of the Gettysburg address was "Holy guacamole, this war sucks. Wow." –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

any company Trump runs is eventually nonprofit (sleepy versus stroke)

It started with Trump’s plan to turn the air traffic control functions of the FAA into a nonprofit corporation. Although, to be fair, any company Trump runs is eventually nonprofit. –Stephen Colbert

I know this happened five days ago, but I will not be denied the chance to enjoy Trump’s tweet from just after midnight last Wednesday: “Despite the constant negative press covfefe.” OK. Strong statement. Bold. Presidential. Reminds of the first draft of the Gettysburg address: “Four score and seven ratselttab.” –Stephen Colbert

Of course, the internet lost their covfefe over this. Why did the president type that? It was the new “What color is the dress?” But instead of “white versus blue,” it was “sleepy versus stroke.” –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

this is like sending flowers to the funeral of somebody you just murdered

Trump is also the one who wants to cut funding to the national parks. So this is like sending flowers to the funeral of somebody you just murdered. –James Corden

The National Archives and Records Administration in Washington, D.C. — this is where they store the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, the Gettysburg Address — they have asked the White House to save all of President Trump’s tweets. It’s important to have all the president’s tweets so that future historians will be able to go back and see what was on Fox News that day. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

the second greatest Gettysburg Address in history (Productive Friday)

Over the weekend in Gettysburg, Donald Trump told a crowd that as soon as the election ends he will sue the women accusing him of sexual misconduct. It’s being called "the second greatest Gettysburg Address in history." –Conan O’Brien

On Friday, a cyber-attack shut down Amazon, CNN, and Twitter. Apparently, the cyber-terrorists shut down Amazon first, then Amazon suggested they may also like CNN and Twitter. –Conan O’Brien

Last Friday, Amazon, CNN, and Twitter were all down all over the United States. It’s a chilling day that will one day be known in history as "Productive Friday." –Conan O’Brien

Uh, make the sidewalk lower?

"The acting director of the Secret Service, Joseph Clancy, said they may make the fence around the White House taller because of the recent security failures. When asked if he had any other ideas, he said, 'Uh, make the sidewalk lower?'" –Jimmy Fallon



"It's the 105th anniversary of the Gettysburg Address. It's all Lincoln this, Lincoln that, Lincoln with his big hat, oh sure! But you know who the unsung hero is? Lincoln's cue card guy." –David Letterman





"Today is Vice President Joe Biden's birthday! Biden started the day with a dance party and a big piece of cake, and then he remembered it was his birthday." –Seth Meyers