I bet he feels like he just won a Soul Train award (See, this is what happens when Oprah gets high)

“Just when you think you’ve seen Donald Trump at his Trumpiest, he shows up at a funeral and sets a new world record for ridiculousness. That new record was set at a memorial service for Lynette Hardaway, AKA Diamond of Diamond and Silk, two well-known Trump superfans. Over a hundred mourners gathered to hear the former president wax poetic about one of his most loyal fans, and he almost did. He almost spoke about her. Instead, for 44 minutes, Trump rambled about NAFTA, tax cuts, crowd size, illegal immigration, the election, why they don’t put Melania on magazine covers any more, and bragged about how The Apprentice was the No. 1 show on television. Basically, this speech had all the sincerity and grace you could possibly expect from the man who buried the mother of his children at the 16th hole of his golf course. And the crazy thing is I bet he thinks it went great. I bet he feels like he just won a Soul Train award.” —Jimmy Kimmel

"Yesterday, Oprah's entire set was made of chocolate. See, this is what happens when Oprah gets high." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I bet he feels like he just won a Soul Train award (These do not spark joy)

January 2023

“The new batch of classified documents found at Biden’s Delaware residence isn’t great for Biden. He shouldn’t have had those documents. But the revelations have led to some very silly punditry claiming that Biden is somehow in the same position as Donald Trump. They’re like two guys who got pulled over for erratic driving. Biden immediately rolls down the window, hands over his license and registration, passes the breathalyzer and says sorry officer but in my defense, even stone-cold sober I do this. Trump, on the other hand, is the guy who refuses to pull over, gets chased down, goes over those one-way spikes in the parking lot, blows out his tire, drives for another mile on sparking rims, crashes into a duck pond, gives cocaine and a gun to a duck and says ‘if anyone asks, this is yours.’ Tries to swim away even though the pond is shallow enough to stand, gets to the other side where the police are waiting for him and says, ‘Oh, I didn’t realize I was living in Soviet Russia.’” —Seth Meyers

“Just when you think you’ve seen Donald Trump at his Trumpiest, he shows up at a funeral and sets a new world record for ridiculousness. That new record was set at a memorial service for Lynette Hardaway, AKA Diamond of Diamond and Silk, two well-known Trump superfans. Over a hundred mourners gathered to hear the former president wax poetic about one of his most loyal fans, and he almost did. He almost spoke about her. Instead, for 44 minutes, Trump rambled about NAFTA, tax cuts, crowd size, illegal immigration, the election, why they don’t put Melania on magazine covers any more, and bragged about how The Apprentice was the No. 1 show on television. Basically, this speech had all the sincerity and grace you could possibly expect from the man who buried the mother of his children at the 16th hole of his golf course. And the crazy thing is I bet he thinks it went great. I bet he feels like he just won a Soul Train award.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He shouldn't be our president. He should be our mascot (Vote Clinton Because A Deaf God Ignores Our Pleas)

 

"The source of Hillary's wrath, two mailers from the Obama campaign that she said misrepresented her positions on NAFTA and health care [on screen: HRC saying, 'Enough with the speeches and the big rallies and then using tactics that are right out of Karl Rove's playbook']. Enough with the speeches and the rallies and the winning and the beating me. Enough already. I've had it. I have Karl Rove's playbook right here [on screen: Stewart pulls out a book that when opened releases dead spirits]. Slightly misstating someone's position on trade doesn't seem to be in there. In fact, the only thing that bothers Senator Clinton more than Barack Obama's Machiavellian cynicism using tactics like that is, of course, his childlike naivete [on screen: HRC saying, 'I could stand up here and said let's just get everybody together. Let's get unified. The sky will open. The light will come down, celestial choirs will be singing and everyone will know we should do the right thing and the world will be perfect']. But the world is as---hole, people. I, Hillary Clinton, am here to tell you that the minute you are born, you begin to die. Chant with me. No, we can't! It's all in her new slogan, 'Vote Clinton Because A Deaf God Ignores Our Pleas.'" --Jon Stewart

"You know, he really is adorable. He shouldn't be our president. He should be our mascot." --Jon Stewart, watching Bush at the Olympics

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the president means it just as much as FoxNews does (Biden Inert)

"As the war in Iraq grinds on, we can take at least one comfort as the president reiterated recently -- we are not alone [on screen: Bush saying, 'The success of a free Iraq matters to every civilized nation. We thank the 36 nations who have troops on the ground in Iraq']. 36 nations ... a fact not at all diminished by the fact that it's actually 25 nations. You can see it's a very common mistake. 36 is six squared, whereas 25 is five squared. Knowing our commander-in-chief, he's probably thinking in higher math again. You should hear how impressive our coalition sounds in base two." --Jon Stewart

 "Imagine my surprise when I come back to work and find out that the president of the United States commuted Scooter Libby's sentence. How little does the president care what you think about that? [on screen: Bush saying it was a 'fair and balanced' decision]. He's literally just using Fox News' slogan now. Here's the thing about the phrase 'fair and balanced' -- the president means it just as much as Fox does." --Jon Stewart

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

There's a reason "They" don't want him as president (The Village People song)

Donald Trump is currently dealing with a truly stunning number of criminal probes. Just to name a few, his White House is being investigated by the special counsel, his inaugural committee is being investigated for allegedly misspending donations, and his business is being investigated for hiding hush payments to cover up affairs. Not even Trump's doctor has ever examined him this closely. --Seth Meyers

Then yesterday, the President was dealt another blow when his personal charity, the Trump Foundation, was forced to shut down after prosecutors effectively said it acted as a slush fund for Trump's personal spending. So Trump used his charity to pay for lawsuits, which then prompted a lawsuit that ended the charity. At this point, he's going to have to start new charity to pay for the lawsuit over the old charity. They can call it, I don't know, March of Crimes. --Seth Meyers

And now Trump and his aides are trying to claim that the administration already has the money for the wall, thanks to Trump's renegotiated NAFTA deal called the U.S.-Mexico-Canada Agreement, or USMCA. And Trump says a good way to remember it is to think of The Village People song “YMCA.” Don't let Mike Pence hear you singing a Village People song. He will attach a car battery to your nads and read to you from Leviticus. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

if it’s one thing Trump is good for, it’s a quick probe (we will send one of them Kanye)

The FBI is investigating Brett Kavanaugh this week. President Trump is hoping for a quick probe of Brett Kavanaugh, In response Stormy Daniels said, “if it’s one thing Trump is good for, it’s a quick probe.” --Conan O’Brien

First Lady Melania Trump has embarked on a solo trip to Africa. When asked when she was coming back and Melania said, “Back?” --Conan O’Brien

It was reported today that in 1990 the USA was 6th in the world in education. Now we are 27th. When they heard that Americans asked, “Is that worser?” --Conan O’Brien

Canada, Mexico and the US have reached a new trade agreement to replace NAFTA. Under the new deal, Mexico will send us heavy machinery, Canada will send us timber, and we will send one of them Kanye. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm also opposed to my husband's views on MILFs (cheerleading practice)

"Tonight's Republican debate will be the first one that former Senator Fred Thompson will attend. Thompson says he wanted to attend the previous debates, but he got stuck driving his wife to cheerleading practice." --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday on the campaign trail Senator Hillary Clinton was extremely critical of NAFTA, even though the program was implemented by Bill Clinton. When asked about it, Hillary said, 'It's not just NAFTA. I'm also opposed to my husband's views on MILFs." --Conan O'Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

Vote Clinton Because A Deaf God Ignores Our Pleas (celestial choirs)

 "The source of Hillary's wrath, two mailers from the Obama campaign that she said misrepresented her positions on NAFTA and health care [on screen: HRC saying, 'Enough with the speeches and the big rallies and then using tactics that are right out of Karl Rove's playbook']. Enough with the speeches and the rallies and the winning and the beating me. Enough already. I've had it. I have Karl Rove's playbook right here [on screen: Stewart pulls out a book that when opened releases dead spirits]. 

Slightly misstating someone's position on trade doesn't seem to be in there. In fact, the only thing that bothers Senator Clinton more than Barack Obama's Machiavellian cynicism using tactics like that is, of course, his childlike naivete [on screen: HRC saying, 'I could stand up here and said let's just get everybody together. Let's get unified. The sky will open. The light will come down, celestial choirs will be singing and everyone will know we should do the right thing and the world will be perfect']. 

But the world is a s---hole, people. I, Hillary Clinton, am here to tell you that the minute you are born, you begin to die. Chant with me. No, we can't! It's all in her new slogan, 'Vote Clinton Because A Deaf God Ignores Our Pleas.'" --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

She's also opposed to her husband's views on MILFs

"Senator Larry Craig has been selected for the Idaho Hall of Fame. Well, what a well thought out choice that was. Actually, he's not being inducted into the entire hall, just the men's room" --Jay Leno

"Yesterday on the campaign trail Senator Hillary Clinton was extremely critical of NAFTA, even though the program was implemented by  Bill Clinton. When asked about it, Hillary said, 'It's not just NAFTA. I'm also opposed to my husband's views on MILFs." --Conan O'Brien

"They finally revealed the cause of those fires in the bathroom of the Senate office building last week. Turns out, Idaho  Senator Larry Craig's scented candle tipped over and lit his massage oils on fire." -Jay Leno

"Hybrid vehicles are so quiet at slow speeds that blind people say they are a safety risk. Again, this is another issue I don't think  President Bush understands. Like today, Bush said, 'Maybe blind people shouldn't be driving them'" --Jay Leno

Rudy Giuliani had three wives and he's not the Mormon candidate?

"Mitt Romney said the other night at the debates that he's the one of all the candidates who is the most optimistic about the future. Well, there's a shock -- a rich, white guy with $200 million in the bank. What's everyone worried about?" --Jay Leno

"Here's what I don't understand:  Rudolph Giuliani had three wives and he's not the Mormon candidate?" --David Letterman

"One of  President Bush's closest advisers said that Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee is going to have trouble getting elected 'cause his last name is Huckabee. He said the only way it could be worse is if his name was George W. Huckabee." --Conan O'Brien

 "Hillary Clinton is now saying she is having second thoughts about the NAFTA agreement which her husband supported and signed into law when he was president. ... The last time Bill and Hillary had completely different interpretations of a legal document was their marriage license." --Jay Leno