And when I say "talk," I mean loud, angry, incomprehensible talk (Rolled it himself)

Yesterday on Father’s Day my kids gave me breakfast in bed, which I thought was sweet. My nine-year-old makes a mean mojito. Brought me a cigarette too. Rolled it himself. –Conan O’Brien

Because of England’s Brexit vote, there’s now talk in Scotland and Northern Ireland about leaving the UK. And when I say "talk," I mean loud, angry, incomprehensible talk. –Conan O’Brien

Volkswagen's settlement for its emissions cheating scandal is going to cost it nearly $15 billion. A spokesperson for Volkswagen said, "We’ve never been so embarrassed — and we were founded by Hitler." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

And when I say "talk," I mean loud, angry, incomprehensible talk (Quick tip - if they stab you . . . fake monk)

Tourists visiting New York City are being warned about "fake monks" on the street who wear orange robes and demand money. Quick tip - if they stab you . . . fake monk. –Conan O’Brien

"Over the weekend Pope Francis implied that the Mafia should be excommunicated. In a related story, the Pope is missing. And nobody saw nothin'." –Conan O'Brien

Because of England’s Brexit vote, there’s now talk in Scotland and Northern Ireland about leaving the UK. And when I say "talk," I mean loud, angry, incomprehensible talk. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In 70 years, the U.K. has gone from Winston Churchill to a roadie for Spinal Tap (You’ll never take me alive!)

“Pro-Brexit politician Boris Johnson was officially elected today to become the U.K.’s next prime minister. Great. In 70 years, the U.K. has gone from Winston Churchill to a roadie for Spinal Tap.” --Seth Meyers

“What were you expecting from his testimony? Did you think Mueller was going to smash through the wall in a monster truck called the DeTrumpulator?” --Seth Meyers

Some Democrats were happy to hear Mueller suggest that President Trump could be charged with obstruction of justice after he leaves office. “You know when Trump heard that, he started pushing the sofa in front of the door. [Imitating Trump] ‘You’ll never take me alive!’” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Honestly, I thought he was already in jail (Why, are you going to run them?)

I want to say congrats to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. Today they welcomed a baby boy. The baby's doing great. Buckingham Palace says that he Brexited his mother early this morning. Weighed in at 3.2 kilograms. Americans heard that, were like, "Yeah, we have no idea how much that is." They're like, "Kilograms? That 32 pounds? I have no idea." And get this. I read that the new baby is seventh in line for the throne. Yeah, the only way he'll be king is if the Kentucky Derby judges disqualify everyone else. --Jimmy Fallon

President Trump held an impromptu press conference today and said he was very surprised that his son Don Jr. has been subpoenaed by the Senate, adding, "Honestly, I thought he was already in jail." --Seth Meyers

At a campaign rally in Florida last night, President Trump predicted that news outlets will be out of business once he leaves office. Why, are you going to run them? --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Which is a big deal because this might be one of our last years (World’s Best Grandma)

Time’s Person of the Year is quite an honor, unless you are named in the year when Zika broke out; the Earth was the hottest it has ever been; Muhammad Ali, Prince, and David Bowie died; Syria exploded; Brexit happened; and oh, Donald Trump was elected president. Congratulations! You are the face of the worst year ever. –James Corden

Time magazine has named their Person of the Year. It’s none other than President-elect Donald Trump. He is the Person of the Year. Which is a big deal because this might be one of our last years. –Jimmy Kimmel

Trump won in spite of losing in Time’s online poll to Hillary Clinton. Can she win anything? Really, Hillary’s now just hoping to win a mug that says “World’s Best Grandma.” –Jimmy Kimmel

make sure to clarify the next time your cellmate asks to hold your noodle package

It’s been reported that the biggest currency in prison now is not cigarettes, but ramen. Just make sure to clarify the next time your cellmate asks to hold your noodle package. –Conan O’Brien

The leader of England's Brexit movement spoke at a Trump rally and he said, "I wouldn't vote for Clinton if you paid me." So in other words, Hillary has lost the critical "People Who Live in England" vote. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump’s campaign is now saying he didn’t change his immigration plan, he just changed the words he used to describe it. They also said Trump hasn’t been married three times, he’s just changed the person he calls "wife." –Conan O’Brien

Obama is trying to figure out where to live if Trump wins

Netflix may expand their service to China. So finally, kids in China will be able to watch shows on the devices they made. –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday President Obama met with the leaders of Mexico and Canada. Obama said he’s trying to figure out where to live if Trump wins. –Conan O’Brien

Fourth of July, of course, is when we celebrate our breaking away from England. And after this week, it’s starting to seem like England can’t keep a relationship going. –Conan O’Brien

Wow, I’m running for leader of the wrong country (fake monk)

Because of England’s Brexit vote, there’s now talk in Scotland and Northern Ireland about leaving the UK. And when I say "talk," I mean loud, angry, incomprehensible talk. –Conan O’Brien

Critics are calling those in Britain who voted to pull out of the European Union "racist" and "anti-immigrant." After hearing this, Donald Trump said, "Wow, I’m running for leader of the wrong country." –Conan O’Brien

Tourists visiting New York City are being warned about "fake monks" on the street who wear orange robes and demand money. Quick tip - if they stab you . . . fake monk. –Conan O’Brien