We must weather the possibility of happiness (without getting cursed out in Slovenian)

In other Trump news, the president announced that he would be cancelling Pete Hegseth’s plans to livestream a military execution by firing squad, because there are many very good and well-meaning people would rather not watch him die. The execution of Nidal Hasan, a former army major and psychiatrist who shot and killed 13 people and wounded 32 at Fort Hood in 2009, was set for 3 December. But Trump had second thoughts after realizing that the man they would be executing is in a wheelchair. I guess he realized he’d have a hard time selling ads on a live stream of a paralyzed man being executed by firing squad, and what’s the point if he can’t make a little bit of money on it, right? —Jimmy Kimmel 

I wonder if he’ll show the same kind of mercy to his new future former press secretary, Katie Zacharia whose first week on the job was less than stellar. On Thursday, the former fringe network commentator tried to set the record straight on questions about her status as an attorney, and it turns out that Katie Zacharia is an attorney in the same way George Santos was a volleyball champion. Zacharia has yet to confirm when or where she passed the bar exam; the Wall Street Journal reported that Zacharia failed the California bar exam after graduating from law school there in 2011. His press secretary is supposed to be answering questions about his lies, not hers! But the truth is, he didn’t hire her to be his lawyer. He didn’t really hire her to be his press secretary. He hired her so he could squeeze into a helicopter with her and Natalie Harp, his fellow blond assistant – and rub his cankles against a woman’s legs without getting cursed out in Slovenian. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I hope you’re happy — you made our baby cry (Please stop calling me The Barnacle)

On Friday, the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to Navi Pillay, a former U.N. High Commissioner for Human Rights. President Trump responded at rallies and on Truth Social, saying that he should have won instead. He is blaming Norway for this slight. Which, thanks a lot, Norway. I hope you’re happy — you made our baby cry.” — Jimmy Kimmel 

“[imitating Trump’] And I’m going to keep approving those public executions until somebody gives me a damn peace prize!” — Jimmy Kimmel

“This execution is scheduled for December third, which, I looked it up, you know what else is scheduled that day? The White House Christmas tree lighting. You know, they could save some money if they doubled up in some way — maybe get a Monster Energy drink sponsorship and finally end the war on Christmas.” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When the feds knocked, she panicked and tried to flush her brother down the toilet (the least they can do is give him a head start)

On Monday morning, Homeland Security conducted a pre-dawn raid on the home of Ilhan Omar. When the feds knocked, she panicked and tried to flush her brother down the toilet. —Greg Gutfeld 

President Trump is expressing doubts about live streaming the execution of the Fort Hood shooter, who is after all in a wheelchair. I mean, the least they can do is give him a head start. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You’re History channel (Now she's been dumped by two Donald Trumps)

Pete Hegseth claims the firing squad execution of the Fort Hood shooter will be live streamed. Yeah, apparently it’s going to air on the ‘You’re History’ channel. — Greg Gutfeld 

America's ambassador to Greece, Kimberly Guilfoyle, has resigned after being asked to step down. Wow. Now she's been dumped by two Donald Trumps. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”