It's all fun and games until Hunter Biden gets his head stuck in the vending machine (Or as the Jedi call him, Obi-Wan Where Am I?)

So Joe Biden’s the man. That's right, the fate of the earth rests on Joe Biden. The forces of light will be represented by Mr. Joe Biden. Or as the Jedi call him, Obi-Wan Where Am I? —Bill Maher

Did you see what Elon Musk did? I thought this was pretty funny. Right after he bought Twitter he said that he was going to buy Coca-Cola next and put cocaine back in it. Which is all fun and games until Hunter Biden gets his head stuck in the vending machine. —Bill Maher

Donald Trump said he had a hunch that the virus wasn't as bad as the World Health Organization says. So on one side you have the World Health Organization, and on the other side you have a guy who stared at an eclipse. —Bill Maher (2020)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think we’re getting pulled over by that building! (not while you’re doing 90 on the freeway)

“Last night, the Empire State Building lit up like a siren to honor the medical workers serving on the front line of the epidemic. This might be a good idea when they first pitched it, but as someone who lives in New York, it was terrifying. The Empire State Building, the giant light flashing around — and can you imagine if someone was high in their living room? They must have freaked out. ‘[Expletive], dude! I think we’re getting pulled over by that building!’” — Trevor Noah

“Donald Trump for the first time at least sounds like he’s afraid of this virus. And if he’s taking it seriously, then we should be really scared. Because I mean, this guy takes nothing seriously. This is the same dude who stared at an eclipse like it was a magic eye painting. The same dude who sang Hakuna Matata when he assassinated an Iranian general. The same dude who responded to a hurricane with a paper towel three-point contest. So this is a side of Donald Trump we don’t often get. I haven’t seen Trump this somber since Maury told him that he was Eric’s father.” —Trevor Noah

“And even if you don’t think the World Health Organization is perfect, in the middle of the pandemic — is not a good time to cut funding from a group that is an integral part of fighting coronavirus. Yes, the organization is not perfect, but this is not the time to cut them off. It’s the same reason you don’t give your Uber driver one star during the ride. You do that [expletive] after you are safe at home, not while you’re doing 90 on the freeway.” — Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, obviously it’s not a soft drink (Dry Tinder, by the way, is how Mike Pence met his wife)

Meanwhile in Zambia an energy drink has been banned after it was found to contain viagra. So, obviously it’s not a soft drink. --Stephen Colbert

“Trump's defunding the World Health Organization during a global pandemic. Brilliant! It’s like when your house is engulfed in flames — the first thing you do is burn down the fire department.” —Stephen Colbert

And Donald Trump is ready to take drastic action against everyone investigating him, no matter who. One Trump friend told Vanity Fair, "I could see him having a total meltdown and saying, '(bleep) it, I'm firing all of them.' This is very dry tinder. If someone strikes a match to it, you could see it catching fire." "Dry Tinder," by the way, is how Mike Pence met his wife. --Stephen Colbert

“Uh, I don’t think anyone wants a check that Trump signed. I think that legally makes you a porn star.” — Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s getting so bad that Pizza Rat has taken up water ballet (Is it your problem now?)

September 2021

“The C.E.O. of the airline Delta has revealed he’s still refusing to call it the Delta variant. That’s important, I can totally understand that, because being associated with a communicable disease is not great for business. That’s why stores no longer carry the tasty Syphilis Jam. You remember their motto: ‘Nothing spreads like Syphilis!’” —Stephen Colbert

“It’s undeniable, as it has been for a long time, that climate change is intensifying. Much of the western US has been on fire this summer, wildfire has drifted all across the country and made the air toxic on the east coast, and New York City just had to declare its first ever flash flood emergency. It’s getting so bad that Pizza Rat has taken up water ballet.” —Seth Meyers

“Last week, the World Health Organization deemed Mu a ‘variant of interest’. OK, in the PR world, that’s what we call ‘buzz.’ A ‘variant of interest’ is less dire than ‘variant of concern,’ which is how Delta is categorized. The rating system goes, ‘variant of interest,’ ‘variant of concern,’ ‘variant of pants-crapping’ sometimes called ‘code brown,’ and finally ‘variant of is there any more room on Jeff Bezos’s penis rocket to escape the planet?’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

please be home between the hours of 8am and three years from now (it was actually categorized as a legume

March 2021

“And today marks one year since the World Health Organization declared Covid-19 a pandemic. Prior to that, it was actually categorized as a legume.” —Stephen Colbert

“Of course, it’s also the one-year anniversary of the first time I Lysol-ed a banana. But not the last.” —Stephen Colbert

“First the pandemic was going to last eight weeks, then Easter, then Memorial Day, then July – it was worse than waiting for the cable guy! The CDC should have just issued a statement that said: ‘Your pandemic will end shortly, please be home between the hours of 8am and three years from now.’” —Stephen Colbert

“To advocate for his administration’s vaccination plan, the Biden administration also unveiled a public service announcement featuring the Obamas, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and his wife Laura, and even 96-year-old Jimmy Carter. But there’s no sign of the last guy. Maybe his invite got lost in the mail because he destroyed the postal service.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He didn’t even put his name on the check he sent Stormy Daniels (has he blamed it on the Mexicans yet?)

“According to reports, the Treasury Department has ordered that President Trump’s name will be printed on coronavirus relief checks, which would be the first time he’s ever put his name on something helpful.” —Seth Meyers

“That’s right, President Trump’s name will reportedly be printed on the front of paper checks for coronavirus relief payments, which will be the first time the president’s name appeared on an I.R.S. refund. President Trump’s name, however, still has yet to appear on a check to the I.R.S.” — Seth Meyers

“Why on earth would his name be on the stimulus checks? They’re not from him. It’s not his money. He didn’t even put his name on the check he sent Stormy Daniels.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump says he’ll stop all funding to the World Health Organization until a review has been conducted. Stopping funding to an organization that handles pandemics in the middle of a pandemic is like slashing your own tires because you’re mad you woke up late for work.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“So far, he’s blamed this on Obama, the governors, the media, the W.H.O. — has he blamed it on the Mexicans yet? No? OK, he’ll get to that.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

when your house is engulfed in flames — the first thing you do is burn down the fire department (I agree with Bill Gates and this time)

“Trump’s move to defund the World Health Organization has angered many, including Bill Gates who warned of what would follow. I agree with Bill Gates and this time I’m not just saying it to get in his will.” —Stephen Colbert

“The president has still refused to explain what progress was made during the month of February. Does Trump go into hibernation for Black History Month?” —Stephen Colbert

“Stimulus checks will soon be arriving for those who needs them and will include an extra $500 per child. Finally a reason for Trump to acknowledge the existence of Eric.” —Stephen Colbert

“He’s defunding the World Health Organization during a global pandemic. Brilliant! It’s like when your house is engulfed in flames — the first thing you do is burn down the fire department.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings (that legally makes you a porn star)

“Now, and it turns out, the president is not legally allowed to sign checks from the I.R.S. So instead, Steve Mnuchin decided to put the president’s name in the ‘memo’ section of the check. Still better than Trump’s alternative: tucking the cash directly into Americans’ G-strings.” — Stephen Colbert

“Uh, I don’t think anyone wants a check that Trump signed. I think that legally makes you a porn star.” — Stephen Colbert

“I think you might be projecting, sir. [as Trump] The World Health Organization dragged its feet on Covid. The W.H.O. cheated on Melania when she was home with a 3-month-old. The W.H.O. thinks they can get out of this by blaming all their screw-ups on the W.H.O. Not going to work, W.H.O.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I feel like now Canada is just rubbing it in (the bank will probably decline it out of habit)

“And even if you don’t think the World Health Organization is perfect, in the middle of the pandemic — is not a good time to cut funding from a group that is an integral part of fighting coronavirus. Yes, the organization is not perfect, but this is not the time to cut them off. It’s the same reason you don’t give your Uber driver one star during the ride. You do that [expletive] after you are safe at home, not while you’re doing 90 on the freeway.” — Trevor Noah

“Trump has insisted that his name go on the stimulus checks. Now that the check has Trump’s name on it, the bank will probably decline it out of habit.” —Trevor Noah

“Our country’s unemployment system is kind of a disaster. People have spent hours trying to find someone to speak to on the inundated helplines. It’s like an evil twist where filing for unemployment has now become these people’s full-time job.” —Trevor Noah

“The unemployment system is built on technology that is one degree above Amish, unlike that in Canada where residents have received more money faster and in some cases, too much money. I feel like now Canada is just rubbing it in.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Because for a virus this is like going platinum (nostalgic for 2019)

“Everyone is still talking about the coronavirus and now the airline industry is also in trouble. But I read that some young people are taking advantage of cheap flights and booking trips. In one article, a girl actually said, ‘If I die, I die.’ Meanwhile, that’s also the slogan for Spirit Airlines.” — Jimmy Fallon

“A few months ago was great. It was the holidays, I was drunk on eggnog, I was watching ‘Cheer.’ I was falling in love with Baby Yoda! I was looking forward to impeaching the president. Remember that feeling? We’re going to get Trump! Bolton’s going to testify, and the Senate’s going to do the right thing! It’s only March, and 2020 has done the impossible: made me nostalgic for 2019.” —Stephen Colbert

“First, the World Health Organization has officially just declared coronavirus a global pandemic. Which yes, is scary for us humans, but from corona’s perspective, it’s pretty cool, yeah? Because for a virus this is like going platinum, you know? It is a big day. Started from the Wuhan, now we’re here.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the guy from The Naked Gun movies (and on the other side...)

Trump said he had a hunch that the virus wasn't as bad as the World Health Organization says. So on one side you have the World Health Organization, and on the other side you have a guy who stared at an eclipse. —Bill Maher

What a difference a week makes. One week ago there were seven people in the Democratic primary now it is a two-man race between Bernie Sanders, a Democratic Socialist and Joe Biden the guy from The Naked Gun movies. —Bill Maher

Joe Biden has been running for president since 1988. In 1988 Air Supply was a band, now it’s what Joe Biden needs when he reaches the top of the stairs. —Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”