“It’s true — yesterday, kids trick-or-treated at the White House. Yeah, Trump only gave the kids candy if they promised to investigate Joe Biden.” —Conan O’Brien
“Some of them were disappointed and asked, ‘What happened to that nice family that used to live here?’” —Conan O’Brien
“Melania handed out candy, while Trump took it back. [As Trump] ‘Sorry, kid, executive privilege.’” —Seth Meyers
“What a spooky experience for those children. ‘It’s that big creepy house on the end of the block. They say the old man who lives there wears hair made from dead people.” —Stephen Colbert
“But the kids got candy, songs, the rare opportunity to see Rudy Giuliani bite the head off a pigeon.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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