“Trump has frequently cited article two of the constitution as justification to do, well, anything, though I doubt Trump has ever read even one full sentence of the constitution. “He probably got three words in and quit – ‘We the people? I think that M is upside down.’” —Seth Meyers
“Trump’s lawyer seemed to argue that the president could do anything he wanted if he believed his re-election was in the national interest. Now, if this rationale alarms you, then you’re in good company, as the House speaker, Nancy Pelosi, compared the logic to the absolute monarchism of Louis XIV. When you think about it – and I recommend you don’t – Trump has a lot in common with Louis XIV: same decorating style, same lax attitude toward extramarital affairs, they both poop in a drawer. Plus, Louis was the sun king and Trump is the stare-directly-at-the-sun king. The only difference is Trump’s motto: let ME eat cake.” —Stephen Colbert
“Mike Pence had a visit with Pope Francis. Yes, that’s right, the most religious man in the world met the pope. Do you think the pope took Pence’s confession? Because if he did, that would have to be the most boring confession the pope has ever heard. The pope would probably be like: ‘You walked in on your wife taking off her shoes? I don’t care. No, eating salty food is not a sin.’” —Trevor Noah
“The Senate impeachment trial is racing democracy to see which one can end faster.” —Stephen Colbert
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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