"We're still on the
road to World War III. Things were looking a little grim last week -- all those
countries pressuring us to call for an immediate cease-fire, but we stayed
strong. Sure, we sent over Condi Rice to negotiate, but she's not there for
cease-fire. No, she's there for 'sustainable cease-fire,' which considering the
Middle East, is like sending her to bring back Jimmy Hoffa on a unicorn."
--Stephen Colbert
"This is a weird
story. President Bush has apologized today for scolding a member of the White
House press corps for wearing sunglasses because he found out the reporter is
legally blind. Bush also apologized for telling physicist Stephen Hawking 'to
get off your lazy a--.'" --Conan O'Brien
"At a joint press
conference with President Bush, German Chancellor Angela Merkel called for a
'de-escalation of Mid-East violence.' Later, Bush called for both sides to 'de-angrify'
and 'de-hurt' each other." -Conan O'Brien
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