Trump won't be happy until he proves that Obama doesn't exist (they liked him a lot better when he was a Democrat)

"Donald Trump is now attacking President Obama's grades, suggesting that he was a poor student. First it was the birth certificate, and now the grades. Trump won't be happy until he proves that Obama doesn't exist." –Jimmy Kimmel 4/26/2011

"It was just revealed that Donald Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over 20 years. Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over three wives." –Jimmy Fallon  4/26/2011

"A new poll shows that President Obama's approval rating is down to 41 percent. A lot of people that voted for him now say they liked him a lot better when he was a Democrat." –Jay Leno  4/26/2011

"Donald Trump said he can't make a final decision about whether he will run for president or not until this season of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is over. Which is maybe the best excuse from a guy who might run for the presidency ever — I am unable to decide on whether or not I will run for President until I decide whether Latoya Jackson or Jose Canseco will be my new Apprentice. Maybe he should ease into this — by running for a lower office first, like President of the Hair Club for Men." –Jimmy Kimmel 4/7/2011

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I already thought he was the Republican candidate (That seems a little high)

"Donald Trump said he can't make a final decision about whether he will run for president or not until this season of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is over. Which is maybe the best excuse from a guy who might run for the presidency ever — I am unable to decide on whether or not I will run for President until I decide whether Latoya Jackson or Jose Canseco will be my new Apprentice. Maybe he should ease into this — by running for a lower office first, like President of the Hair Club for Men." –Jimmy Kimmel 4/7/2011

"President Obama said he plans on running for re-election against the Republicans. After the tax cuts for the rich, the bailouts for Wall Street, and the bombing in Libya, I already thought he was the Republican candidate." –Jay Leno 4/4/2011

"The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. That seems a little high." –David Letterman 4/12/2011

"Dennis Kucinich wants to impeach President Obama over Libya. There's a very good case against impeachment. It's called Joe Biden." –Jay Leno 3/24/2011

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A lot of people that voted for him now say they liked him a lot better when he was a Democrat (Three wives ago/Zero chance?)

"A new poll shows that President Obama's approval rating is down to 41 percent. A lot of people that voted for him now say they liked him a lot better when he was a Democrat." –Jay Leno  4/26/2011

"It was just revealed that Donald Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over 20 years. Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn't voted in primary elections in over three wives." –Jimmy Fallon  4/26/2011

"Donald Trump said he can't make a final decision about whether he will run for president or not until this season of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is over. Which is maybe the best excuse from a guy who might run for the presidency ever — I am unable to decide on whether or not I will run for President until I decide whether Latoya Jackson or Jose Canseco will be my new Apprentice. Maybe he should ease into this — by running for a lower office first, like President of the Hair Club for Men." –Jimmy Kimmel 4/7/2011

"Critics say it's illegal for Donald Trump to run for president while hosting a TV show. It's also illegal to run for president if your hair wasn't born in this country." –Conan O'Brien 4/14/2011

"The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. That seems a little high." –David Letterman 4/12/2011

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Maybe he should ease into this (the best excuse)

"Democrats and Republicans in Congress are still fighting over the budget. If they can't agree, there will be a big government shutdown. What we really need is a big government shut-up." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If the government shuts down, all non-essential workers will stop coming to work. Here's my question: Why do we even have non-essential workers?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"Donald Trump said he can't make a final decision about whether he will run for president or not until this season of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is over. Which is maybe the best excuse from a guy who might run for the presidency ever — I am unable to decide on whether or not I will run for President until I decide whether Latoya Jackson or Jose Canseco will be my new Apprentice. Maybe he should ease into this — by running for a lower office first, like President of the Hair Club for Men." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

in the Tea Party poll, Chuck Norris is in second place and third place is an AK-47 (my new Apprentice)

"Donald Trump said he can't make a final decision about whether he will run for president or not until this season of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is over. Which is maybe the best excuse from a guy who might run for the presidency ever — I am unable to decide on whether or not I will run for President until I decide whether Latoya Jackson or Jose Canseco will be my new Apprentice." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Maybe he should ease into this — by running for a lower office first, like President of the Hair Club for Men." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Trump said he can’t run because he has the #1 show on NBC. Which is kind of like having the nicest house in Haiti." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If Donald Trump wins, my guess is America will look a lot like it did in 'Back to the Future 2,' when Biff was in charge." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Trump is doing well in the polls. He's in second place among Republican voters. Among Tea Partiers, he's in first place. Although to be fair, in the Tea Party poll, Chuck Norris is in second place and third place is an AK-47." –Jimmy Kimmel 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hunting Bigfoot with Jose Canseco and Pete Rose’s Chupacabra Safari (the gams on Rita Hayworth)

Donald Trump is keeping an eye on the potential democratic candidates for president. Reportedly, Trump sees former vice president Joe Biden as the most formidable potential rival. Now, keep in mind, next year Donald Trump will be 74, and Biden will be 77. I can imagine the debates: “Gentlemen, you have five minutes for opening statements, and an additional three minutes to ramble about the gams on Rita Hayworth. --Stephen Colbert

Cory Booker of New Jersey, well his approval rating slipped when he launched his presidential bid., which is being called the “Christie Effect.” Turns out people in New Jersey don’t like it when you try to leave them and run for higher office, which explains their state motto: “What, you think you’re better than me.” --Stephen Colbert

Jose Canseco, the former baseball star, has a new business venture. For $5,000 you can help Jose Canseco hunt Bigfoot. The people managing the operation made it clear: “Only Serious Inquiries Please.” Okay? Don’t call asking to hunt Bigfoot with Jose Canseco if you are going to treat it like some kind of joke. If you’re going to do that you can just take your business over to “Pete Rose’s Chupacabra Safari.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Thank you for voting for our puppets (explaining to fans what a woman is)

In his new book baseball slugger Jose Canseco said he took steroids when he played for the Texas Rangers and that owner George W. Bush knew all about it. In response President Bush said, “That's ridiculous. I've never known all about anything.” --Conan O’Brien 2/9/2005

The Atari company has released a video game based on Dungeons & Dragons in which two male characters marry each other. The makers of the video say marrying two men was easier than explaining to fans of Dungeons & Dragons what a woman is. --Conan O’Brien 4/8/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

all bribe money has to be in a clear plastic bag (spying on evildoers)

"This week senators passed a limited ethics bill. It's something congress knows a lot about. Limited ethics. Some of the new rules are pretty tough, like from now on, all bribe money has to be in a clear plastic bag." --Jay Leno

"John McCain, on the other hand. He looks like the guy that walks up to the mound to settle down a young pitcher. John McCain looks like the guy who picks up his TV remote when the phone rings." --David Letterman

"How about the Democratic debate last night? How many folks saw the debate in Ohio? Hillary Clinton now is trailing Barack Obama and she's very desperate. Have you noticed this? She's starting to be desperate. Today she accused Barack Obama of attending a party at Jose Canseco's house." --David Letterman

"Bill Clinton's been getting in the way of Hillary's campaign. Can you believe that? She's really upset about it, so she's encouraged him to start dating again." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Republicans want to sell the country to Exxon Mobil and relocate gays to Puerto Rico

"If Congress can't agree on a budget by midnight Friday, the government will shut down. Democrats are demanding to tax all of the people's money and use it to fund abortions, while the Republicans want to sell the country to Exxon Mobil and relocate gays to Puerto Rico." –Jimmy Kimmel



"A lot of public beaches may also be shut down, which could severely whiten John Boehner." –Jimmy Kimmel 

"Donald Trump said he can't make a final decision about whether he will run for president or not until this season of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is over. Which is maybe the best excuse from a guy who might run for the presidency ever — I am unable to decide on whether or not I will run for President until I decide whether Latoya Jackson or Jose Canseco will be my new Apprentice." –Jimmy Kimmel