thousands of Mets fans called and said, “Thank you.” (only bring gifts that can fit in her rear end)

Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge announced that al-Qaeda has plans to attack buildings in Newark. After hearing this al Qaeda said, “Are you crazy even we won't go to Newark.” --Conan O’Brien 8/3/2004

In a dispute over money, the local cable operator in New York has dropped tonight's broadcast of the New York Mets baseball game. As a result today, thousands of Mets fans called and said, “Thank you.” --Conan O’Brien 8/3/2004

Some good news for Martha Stewart who's getting ready to go to jail. Today is Martha Stewart's 63rd birthday. Not surprisingly guests were asked to only bring gifts that can fit in her rear end. --Conan O’Brien 8/3/2004