Tuesday, September 25, 2018

It was their final, most essential command (Then the Cleveland Browns are like, "That's it?")

Over the weekend, Michelle Obama officiated at a wedding in Chicago. The couple would have asked Barack to do it, but they wanted to keep the ceremony under two hours. --Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday, Tiger Woods won his first tournament in five years. It was a huge moment for golf. I read that it's been over 1,800 days since Tiger Woods last won. Then the Cleveland Browns are like, "That's it?" --Jimmy Fallon

Weight Watchers is shortening its name to WW. Which means in the next Weight Watchers commercial, you're going to see the name bragging about how it dropped 12 letters. --Jimmy Fallon “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

No comments:

Post a Comment