Not as scary as riding in an elevator with Ray Rice, but still scary..

"Autumn is a beautiful time of year. At the White House, squirrels are rounding up nuts on the lawn, which is more than the Secret Service is doing." –David Letterman



"Secret Service Director Julia Pierson has resigned. She hopped the fence and thanked President Obama." –David Letterman



"A few weeks ago President Obama was riding in an elevator, and it turns out a guy on the elevator had a gun. This is pretty scary stuff. Not as scary as riding in an elevator with Ray Rice, but still scary." –David Letterman