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Wednesday, January 1, 2014

The winner will be watching it from Carthage, Tennessee



"Hillary Clinton met with incoming First Lady Laura Bush. They had tea. Actually, Laura Bush does have something in common with Hillary Clinton. She also has no idea what her husband is doing in the Oval Office." —Jay Leno


"He is the new president, although old habits die hard. It's funny with Bush. Now whenever the Secret Service knocks on the door, he keeps flushing stuff down the toilet." —Jay Leno  


"On Saturday, amidst pomp and extenuating circumstance, (Bush) will be sworn in as leader of the free world. The only non-traditional element in this inauguration is that the winner will be watching it from Carthage, Tennessee." —Jon Stewart


"Earlier this afternoon, George W. Bush resigned as the governor of Texas. This is historic. It's the first job he's left without going bankrupt. It was a nice ceremony. The state of Texas said while he's president, they'll let him stop by every once in a while and execute someone." —Jay Leno


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