"A petition on the WhiteHouse.gov website asks the U.S.
to deport Justin Bieber. If they get 100,000 signatures, the White House has to
respond. They already have 87,000. The Canadian military is scrambling jets and
mobilizing troops along the border to make sure this doesn’t happen."
–Jimmy Kimmel
"President Obama asked that Americans pitch in and help
those who are most down on their luck — like the Lakers. I think he mentioned
them by name." –Jay Leno
"It seems that England's royal family is running out of
money. They are down to just $1.6 million. Well sure, that's what happens when
nobody in your family has had a job for the last thousand years." –Jay
Leno
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