That number dropped to 2 percent when the pollster asked, "Really?" (Libya Newton-John)

Donald Trump is out in front of the pack again. According to a new Reuters poll he's in first place among likely Republican voters with 42 percent. Ben Carson is in second with just under 25 percent. Only 4 percent now say they would support Jeb Bush. That number dropped to 2 percent when the pollster asked, "Really?" –Jimmy Kimmel

I think Donald Trump will drop out once he finds out how much money the president actually makes. I think he pays his hair flap engineer more than $400,000 a year. –Jimmy Kimmel

"Herman Cain flubbed a question on Libya yesterday and then tried to cover by saying, 'Oh, I thought you meant Libya Newton-John.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it’s a joke – 69 is pranking 101. And second, of all, nice (why wouldn’t we do it again?)

This insane story of the ventilator contract via random tweet that Trump agreed to. First of all, if someone tells you the price of anything is $69 Million, it’s a joke – 69 is pranking 101. And second, of all, nice.” —Trevor Noah

Our hungry hungry hippo-crite in chief, who spent the week saying everything is great while simultaneously blaming everyone who isn’t him for why it’s all so terrible. Trump has been complaining that his administration inherited bad tests, which makes no sense. No 1, you can’t have a test for a virus before a virus exists, and No 2, he’s in no position to be complaining about inheriting anything. If it wasn’t for inheritance, he would be the doorman outside one of the buildings his father gave him.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“But if he’s not moved by coronavirus and increasing unemployment, Trump gets heated about bad polls; he was reportedly so upset by his poll numbers vis-a-vis Joe Biden in swing states last week that he threatened to sue his campaign manager. Clearly, his campaign is running like a well-turmoiled machine. And on Wednesday, Trump dismissed the polls outright, telling Reuters: ‘I don’t believe the polls. I believe the people of this country are smart. And I don’t think they’ll put a man in who’s incompetent.’ Well … We did it last time, why wouldn’t we do it again?” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Who let them have Google?! (Why would anyone need five iPhone cables?)

Sarah Huckabee Sanders was fact-checked by Fox News during a live interview. Sarah was shocked and showed off her “Oh, sh*t face!” She cannot believe she is being fact-checked by someone on Fox News. As soon as that interviewed ended, she stormed off the set and screamed, "Who let them have Google?!" --Seth Meyers

The government shutdown has entered its third week, and I can't say I'm surprised. Shutdowns are a pattern with him. If Trump had a casino, it shut down. He's in charge of the government, it shut down. He married Melania, she shut down! --Seth Meyers

According to Reuters, Google moved $22.7 billion to Bermuda in 2017 through a Dutch shell company to avoid taxes. While over at Bing, you're no longer allowed to flush if it's just pee. --Seth Meyers

The NYPD is looking for a man who recently broke into an Apple store and stole $75,000 worth of products. That is crazy. Why would anyone need five iPhone cables? --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It’s also what Eric and Don Jr’ call a day at the zoo (nah girl, you're good)

A Reuters reporter asked Donald Trump about the possibility of impeachment, but Trump doesn’t fear it saying, “It’s hard to impeach somebody who hasn’t done anything wrong and who’s created the greatest economy in the history of our country. I think the people would revolt if that happened.” Yes, it’s true. The people would take to the streets if that happened. Yes, it’s true. The people would take to the streets, vandalizing champagne bottles, grinning with rage, blocking traffic with their protest dancing. It would be absolute pandemonium. --Stephen Colbert

Yesterday court papers revealed that the National Enquirer paid Karen MacDougal for exclusive rights to her story about her affair with Trump, and then buried it. It’s a practice in tabloid news known as “Catch and Kill.” It’s also what Eric and Don Jr’ call a day at the zoo. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion (You can borrow my leeches!)

A Washington State woman has been charged with attempted murder for allegedly attacking her boyfriend with a samurai sword after she found the dating app Tinder on his phone. When reached for comment, the man said, “THIS, Rebecca. THIS is the kind of stuff I’m talking about.” --Seth Meyers

According to Reuters, a growing number of athletes are attempting to speed up the muscle recovery process after strenuous exercise by using leeches. [shows photo of Don Jr., Eric, and Ivanka] “You can borrow my leeches!” said Trump. --Seth Meyers

Senators in Rhode Island are proposing a new bill that would charge residents a one-time fee of $20 to access online pornography. State budget experts say this new porn bill could be profitable. They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion. --James Corden

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

According to a new survey, 52% of people have had sex with a colleague at work

"According to Reuters, Democratic candidates have raised more money than Republican candidates. Over the summer, Hillary Clinton raised like $27 million, Barack Obama collected well over $20 million, and Dennis Kucinich saved a ton of dough on his car insurance by switching to Geico." --Jay Leno

"According to a new survey, 52% of people have had sex with a colleague at work. 52%! You know, I can never look at Hannity and Colmes the same way again." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

And then Melania Trump was like, “Yeah, I can.” (lizards)

An Australian family managed to save the life of a lizard they found at the bottom of their pool by performing CPR on it. Can you imagine putting your lips on a lizard? And then Melania Trump was like, “Yeah, I can.” –James Corden

I consider myself a confident guy. But I have never ever, not even after six drinks, thought to myself, “I could probably give CPR to a lizard.” That family revived the lizard by performing CPR for 30 minutes. I give up looking for the TV remote after 25 seconds. –James Corden

In a recent Reuters interview, President Trump reflected on his first 100 days in office saying, “I thought it would be easier.” What made you think it was going to be easy? This is what it did to a SMART person [shows 2008 and 2018 photos of Obama]. By the time you’re out of office, you’re going to look like the Toxic Avenger. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats