But others believe it stands for Miserable Sh*t No One Watches (they'll get half of that back in bottle returns)

Later this year MSNBC will become MS NOW. The say the new acronym means My Source for News Opinion On the World. But others believe it stands for Miserable Sh*t No One Watches. —Greg Gutfeld 

The Democratic Party's finances are in trouble after spending $15 million to pay off Kamla's campaign, but at least they'll get half of that back in bottle returns. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Alexa, who paid the highest criminal fine in United States history? (I said that's my final offer)

An Australian man was arrested for stealing $100,000 worth of bull semen. It was valued at $100,000 after I said that's my final offer. —Greg Gutfeld

Meanwhile new data suggests Kamala Harris’s trouncing in 2024 could have been far worse if more people had voted. So if the Dems had worked harder to get out the vote they would have gotten fewer votes. Turns out their biggest enemies are their own policies, candidates and party. They're like a cat who's allergic to cats. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Alexa, who payed the largest criminal fine in United States history? (For the last time, I'm Whoopi Goldberg)

Britain has a new foreign secretary, and the new foreign secretary once likened Hillary Clinton to a "sadistic nurse." After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, "Man, I wish." –Conan O’Brien

A new report says that former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice recently rejected an offer from Donald Trump to be his running mate. When Trump's people asked why she rejected the offer, she said, "For the last time, I'm Whoopi Goldberg." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Alexa, who paid the largest criminal fine in United States history? (How much wine have they had?)

"A new CNN poll just came out about the campaign. Interesting results. A new study shows that wine drinkers prefer Hillary Clinton to the other candidates. Yeah, after hearing this, 'How much wine have they had?'" --Conan O'Brien

"During an odd moment at the Alito hearings yesterday, this is true, Sen. Arlen Specter announced that he goes to the same gym as Sen. Ted Kennedy. Not surprisingly, it's the gym that's closed 364 days a year." --Conan O'Brien

"Condoleezza Rice is the most popular member of the Bush administration. Yeah, experts say that claiming to be the most popular member of the Bush administration is like claiming you got the 'good' kind of Herpes." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So far, he has narrowed down the suspects to anyone who owns a television (steal her crazy)

"Glenn Beck had an emergency appendectomy, but he'll be back on the air tomorrow. That's right. However, for his first day back, doctors are warning Blenn to take it easy and only compare Obama to Hitler three times an hour." –Conan O'Brien

"The other day in Wisconsin, Sarah Palin gave a speech, and the crowd was searched to make sure there were no cameras. That's right. Yeah, according to experts, Palin subscribes to the primitive belief that cameras will 'steal her crazy.'" –Conan O'Brien

 

"This week Geraldo Rivera went to Philadelphia to investigate what he says was a plot to kill him. So far, Geraldo has narrowed down the suspects to anyone who owns a television." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He looks like he was thrown naked into a Goodwill and given 90 seconds to get dressed (Y’all killed your own voters!)

“The billion-dollar collapse of the crypto exchange FTX on Wednesday evening, followed the arrest of founder and CEO Sam Bankman-Fried in the Bahamas on Monday. Bankman-Fried, also known as SBF, a guy who looks the way Cheeto dust smells, is charged with defrauding customers out of billions of dollars in a massive years-long fraud. Oh, are billions of dollars missing? Have you checked the fanny pack where his weed dealer keeps all his tips? I can’t believe this guy thought he could hide out in the Bahamas. Usually when you think of international fugitive, you imagine a stylish jewel thief, not a guy in a T-shirt that clearly came out of a cannon at a basketball game. Dude was supposed to be a billionaire but he looks like he was thrown naked into a Goodwill and given 90 seconds to get dressed.” —Seth Meyers

“In a recent poll Ron DeSantis is leading over Donald Trump. So to take full command of the GOP, all Ron DeSantis has to do is reel in the coveted conservative demographic of angry conspiracy QAnon all-meat diet tan your testicle boys. And the Florida governor’s opening offer to that crowd was calling for a grand jury investigation of Covid vaccines. You stupid mother-Pfizer. You want an investigation? Let me save you some time and money: in the US alone, the Covid vaccines have saved more than 3 million lives and helped prevent 18.5 million hospitalizations. And because idiots in your party politicized the vaccine, almost twice as many Republicans died from Covid before the midterms than the Democrats. Y’all killed your own voters!” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which means that 15 percent of the time it’s just a pigeon staring at your boobs (Or, as Fox News reported it...)

Drug makers Pfizer and Allergan today announced a $160 billion merger. It’s the largest pharmaceutical merger since the one that takes place every day in Keith Richards’ stomach. –Seth Meyers

A new study has found that specially trained pigeons can have up to an 85 percent accuracy rate of detecting breast cancer in humans. Which means that 15 percent of the time it’s just a pigeon staring at your boobs. –Seth Meyers

"Sarah Palin launched her book tour this week with a stop in Michigan, where more than 1,000 people waited to meet her. Or, as Fox News reported it, half a million people." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think maybe Pfizer needs to come out with some gummies and a hard lemonade (Dr. Dumbass)

January 2022

“The rapid spread of Omicron among my staff, shut down production last week, and encouraged alternative motivations for getting the unvaccinated to participate. Quebec, for instance, has announced a vaccine requirement for the purchase of alcohol and cannabis; first-dose appointments have increased from 1,500 a day to 6,000. I think maybe Pfizer needs to come out with some gummies and a hard lemonade.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Of course, there are all sorts of new crazy miracle cures and remedies. There is a particularly egregious anti-vax evangelist named Christopher Key who touts ‘urine therapy’ – drinking one’s own urine – as a Covid treatment. If this guy’s kids ever set up a lemonade stand in your neighborhood, run.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Urine therapy – that’s actually one conspiracy theory I’m OK with. You think vaccines were created by the devil or George Soros or Bill Gates? Go ahead, pee in a mason jar and chug along with Dr Dumbass.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So get ready for the craziest St. Patrick’s Day in the history of the world (higher than the people of Denver)

January 2022

“Speaking of breaking records, thanks to Omicron, the seven-day average for newly reported cases in the U.S. topped 700,000. Seven hundred thousand! That’s the population of Denver, and you know you’re in trouble when you’re higher than the people of Denver.” —Stephen Colbert

“But Omicron could be over by Groundhog Day, which would be just in time because scientists in Cyprus have found 25 cases of a strain of the coronavirus that they say combines elements of the Delta and Omicron variants, that they’re calling ‘Deltacron.’ Deltacron, also the name of the disappointing Transformer who turns into a delayed flight for Atlanta.” —Stephen Colbert

“Scientists are currently disputing a new study that claims to have discovered a so-called Deltacron strain of the coronavirus. It combines the Delta and Omicron variants, and the only thing that can stop it is the Pfizerna vaccine.” —Seth Meyers

“Well, guys, today, the C.E.O. of Pfizer said that its vaccine for the Omicron variant will be ready in March. So get ready for the craziest St. Patrick’s Day in the history of the world.” —Jimmy Fallon

“It feels like this March Madness, we’ll be filling out brackets to predict which of the 68 variants will become the dominant strain.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

It’s a scientific phenomenon known as Aaron Rodgers (Incoming booster selfies in three, two, one...)

November 2021

“In a recent interview, the C.E.O. of Moderna said scientists he’s spoken to about the new Covid variant, Omicron, agree ‘it’s not going to be good.’ It’s kind of like when the trailer for the movie ‘Cats’ came out — the only thing we knew was ‘Well, it’s not going to be good.’ But we didn’t know the extent of how not good it would be.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Following the news on the Omicron variant, the C.D.C. is now saying that all adults should get a booster shot. Right now, Instagram is like, ‘Incoming booster selfies in three, two, one.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“But no one knows for sure, so both Pfizer and Moderna are testing how well their vaccines protect against Omicron. Unfortunately, they won’t know the results for two weeks, at the earliest. Evidently, the scientists are stuck in a container off the coast of China.” —Stephen Colbert

“And now for the bad news: Omicron does appear to be evading vaccines. It’s a scientific phenomenon known as Aaron Rodgers.” —Stephen Colbert

“And I wish they would hurry up, because I need to know what I’m doing in two weeks from now, you know? Should I be buying my ‘Spider-Man’ tickets or learning how to hunt and cook wild animals? Or should I split the difference and buy ‘Spider-Man’ tickets for the wild animals?” —Trevor Noah

“And also if we do need a new vaccine for this new variant, it’s not a big deal, all right, people? I see people online being like, ‘We’re gonna get a new shot every year?’ Yeah, you know what? Maybe to not die you need to take 15 minutes out of your year. What, is your life so busy that you don’t have time for that? I guarantee you, at some point in the next year, you will walk by a CVS. Unless you live in the desert — then it’s gonna be like a five-minute walk to a CVS.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

20 years later he still has your room (third-place vaccine)

November 2021

“It is looking more and more likely that Covid may stay with us forever, like that uncle who said he was ‘just passing through town’ and then 20 years later still has your room.” —Trevor Noah

“Luckily, America has more than enough vaccines for every man, woman and child – so many doses that the US has announced plans to deliver doses of the Johnson & Johnson vaccine to people living in conflict zones such as the Democratic Republic of the Congo, South Sudan and Yemen. America is sending the Johnson & Johnson vaccine into conflict zones? Hasn’t Yemen been through enough? I mean, it’s bad enough that poor countries get T-shirts from the losing Super Bowl team, but now they have to get the third-place vaccine?” —Trevor Noah

“I know there are a lot of reasons why it’s better to send J&J to conflict zones than Moderna or Pfizer – it’s easier to transport, and you don’t need to depend on people being able to come back for a second shot. But I wouldn’t be surprised if there were some American officials who were like, ‘well we’re not gonna waste the good vaccines on someone who’s just going to step on a landmine tomorrow, right fellas?’” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I for one thought that it would never come (it will make you harder than trigonometry)

November 2021

An 81 year old pharmacist in Pennsylvania was arrested for allegedly trading drugs for sexual favors. Wow, so Bill Cosby’s a pharmacist now, huh? —Michael Che

Democrat Terry McAuliffe lost to republican Glenn Youngkin in the Virginia governor’s race. But on the bright side, losers from Virginia usually get a statue. —Michael Che

The republican victory in Virginia’s governor’s race was fueled by support from white women who didn’t go to college. Which just so happens to be the exact group I target on Tinder. —Michael Che

Pfizer announced that it has developed an antiviral pill that can reduce hospitalization among Covid patients by nearly 90%, and even better, it will make you harder than trigonometry. —Michael Che

Steven Sweeney the New Jersey state senate president lost his reelection bid in an upset to a truck driver named Edward Durr. Coincidentally, Durr is also the New Jersey state motto. —Michael Che

National Impotency Awareness Month began on Monday and I for one thought that it would never come. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the best way to prevent the two things parents fear the most (Sorry, but with all the wars we just can't afford you)

October 2021

“Last night, an F.D.A. panel gave the green light to the Pfizer vaccine for kids between the ages of 5 and 11. That’s right. That’s right, kids’ vaccines are the best way to prevent the two things parents fear the most: Covid and home-schooling.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Now kids can forget about Covid and worrying about that and go too spreading every other disease known to man.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Here’s how the vaccine will work: Older kids can get Pfizer, younger kids can get Moderna, and the middle child can get Johnson & Johnson.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Hey, kids, guess who gets to go to the doctor twice in the space of three weeks? And, don’t worry, he will stab you!” —Stephen Colbert

“In a few weeks, you’re going to see bouncers outside Chuck E. Cheese checking vaccine cards.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

More concerning the F word he keeps using is forget (Do a flip!)

October 2021

Pfizer reported on Friday that their Covid vaccine for children is 90% effective. Meanwhile Johnson & Johnson reported that their vaccine for children is just Capri Sun. —Colin Jost

At a CNN town hall President Biden said that he had not had time to visit the Southern border, though his approval rating has. —Colin Jost

Insiders are also saying during meetings President Biden uses the F word in conversation. More concerning the F word he keeps using is forget. —Colin Jost

A video was posted of a recent Smash Mouth concert in which the lead singer is seen slurring his words, doing a Nazi salute and threatening to kill an audience member. And it gets worse. He then started singing. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

No, no, it’s definitely Johnson (now you have The Avengers)

October 2021

“Let’s kick things off with the topic on everyone’s mind: vaccine booster shots. They’re like a butt lift for your immune system. And one thing people are wondering about is whether they should mix and match their shots, because maybe vaccines are like superheroes. Sure, Iron Man can save your life, but if you follow him up with Captain America, now you have the Avengers.” —Trevor Noah

“This is kind of like mixing alcoholic beverages — you can do it, but should you? Just remember the rule of thumb: Moderna before Pfizer, always wiser. Pfizer before Moderna, some concern-a.” —James Corden

“The government is careful to say they would not recommend one shot over another. They’re like parents talking to their kids about college: ‘Hey, pick whatever major makes you happy, as long as it’s not poetry or Johnson & Johnson.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Clearly, someone at the company has to be held accountable for this. Personally, I blame Johnson. Then again, maybe it was Johnson I should blame? No, no, it’s definitely Johnson.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

New communist Superman cancels Mr Potato Head’s Christmas p*nis (Legally Speaking, Probably a Few Tears)

October 2021

“For both Pfizer and Moderna, the recommendation is that after six months, people over the age of 65 or who have pre-existing conditions should get a booster. But for Johnson & Johnson, the panel recommends boosters for people 18 and older, and it can be given two months after the first shot. Cool! Hey, you know when that information would have come in handy? Two months after the first shot!” —Stephen Colbert

“In related news, the F.D.A. has asked Johnson & Johnson to rename its ‘No More Tears’ shampoo to ‘Legally Speaking, Probably a Few Tears.’” —James Corden

“There is major news about the most powerful man in the world. That would be Superman, whose maker, DC Comics, announced a new motto for the 83-year-old superhero character: ‘Truth, justice, and a better tomorrow.’ The change tweaks his long-running catchphrase: ‘Truth, justice, and the American way.’ You know, it makes sense to change it. If Superman really followed the current American way, he would fly to school board meetings to scream about how the vaccine gave him heat vision. Changing the slogan for this cartoon has made a lot of people angry – which, of course, is the American way. The ‘American way’ wasn’t Superman’s original motto – it was added by the Superman radio show during the second world war. But a lot has changed since the 1940s. Back then, Superman was also doing ads for cigarettes – ‘be like Superman: smoke Chestertons and you’ll never die!’” —Stephen Colbert

“In a statement, DC Comics said the slogan change was intended to ‘honor Superman’s incredible legacy of over 80 years of building a better world’. Or, as Fox News put it: ‘New communist Superman cancels Mr Potato Head’s Christmas penis.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

based on this photo, it either really hurt, or felt really good (They Kingdom Comes)

October 2021

The infrastructure bill has been delayed indefinitely. So I guess we’ll cross that bridge when it collapses on top of us. —Colin Jost

Joe Biden also got his Covid booster shot at the White House live on camera and based on this photo, it either really hurt, or felt really good. —Colin Jost

Pfizer has also submitted data to the FDA to approve its Covid vaccine for kids under 11, which means they could be vaccinated by Halloween. Because what goes better with Halloween than needles. —Colin Jost

Some Catholics around the country are claiming religious exemption to the Covid vaccine. Because there’s nothing more Catholic than letting someone else die for your sins. —Colin Jost

Purdue University researchers have created the whitest paint on record. The paint is so white I’m its favorite part of SNL. —Colin Jost

A Colorado woman who posts on OnlyFans says that praying before sex with her husband allows her to experience a threesome with God. A threesome that doesn’t end until They Kingdom Comes. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

we’ll just keep Clorox-wiping our Legos, OK? (a fun-sized Pfizer)

September 2021

“Big news today, as Pfizer announced that a low dose of its vaccine is safe and effective for kids ages 5 to 11. It’s great news until you hear a 6-year-old say, ‘I want to do my own research first.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, 4-year-olds are like, ‘Yeah, don’t mind us; we’ll just keep Clorox-wiping our Legos, OK?’” —Jimmy Fallon

“According to a Pfizer board member, a vaccine for children could be available by the end of October. Well, I know what I’ll be handing out for Halloween — a fun-sized Pfizer.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Of course, a lot of kids will get the vaccine while a small minority will insist on taking pony dewormer, because they’re children.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Actually, everyone calls me Turbo now (I'm Not Kitten)

August 2021

“In other news, the president of the Arizona senate announced the state’s rightwing ‘investigation’ into the 2020 election would be delayed after several members of third-party contractor CyberNinjas became infected with Covid. Man, at this rate, we’ll never get to find out what didn’t actually happen.” —Seth Meyers

“Andrew Cuomo delivered his final speech as governor of New York on Monday, as he resigned after the state attorney general found he groped and sexually harassed members of his staff. Cuomo acknowledged the scandal in his speech, and claimed he was a victim of an unfair ‘political and media stampede’. Yeah, what kind of white man whose dad was also governor only gets ten years in office?” —Seth Meyers

“Following the full approval of Pfizer’s coronavirus vaccine, the company revealed it would start marketing the drug under the name Comirnaty, so now people will start referring to the Pfizer vaccine as ‘the Pfizer vaccine.’ It’s too late for a rebrand. This is like when your friend comes back from vacation and is like, ‘Actually, everyone calls me Turbo now.’” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A riddle Tom Hanks would have to solve in the Da Vinci Code to find out the location of the Holy Grail (worms are almost gone)

August 2021

“Comirnaty? It already had a great name: Pfizer vaccine. I mean, I understand using a complicated name like Viberzi or Xifaxan for IBS drugs so you don’t have to ask your doctor about, I don’t know, ‘diarrhea-be-gone’. The name comes from the term ‘Covid-19 immunity’, with ‘mRNA’, the shot’s underlying technology, embedded in the middle, and is meant to evoke the word community. God, it’s like a riddle Tom Hanks would have to solve in the Da Vinci Code to find out the location of the Holy Grail.” —Seth Meyers

“Meanwhile, the Moderna and Johnson & Johnson vaccines don’t need F.D.A. approval. They spent lockdown learning to love themselves.” —James Corden

“But the vaccine isn’t the only thing keeping the F.D.A. busy. They recently had to tell people not to treat Covid with a drug that’s given to animals with worms. This is real. They tweeted: ‘You are not a horse. You are not a cow. Seriously y’all, stop it.’ Meanwhile, the people taking it are like, ‘Laugh all you want, but I don’t have Covid, and the worms are almost gone.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”