The phone companies said they would try to be there some time between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. ('70s jive talk)

"As part of the ongoing immigration debate, the Senate on Thursday voted 64 to 34 to make English America's national language. Coming in second: '70s jive talk." --Tina Fey

"President Bush's approval rating dropped to $3 a gallon." --Tina Fey

 

"In the wake of news that the NSA is monitoring American phone records, Sen. Arlen Specter, the judiciary committee chairman, said he would subpoena the phone companies to appear before his committee. The phone companies said they would try to be there some time between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m." --Tina Fey

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Alexa, who paid the largest criminal fine in United States history? (How much wine have they had?)

"A new CNN poll just came out about the campaign. Interesting results. A new study shows that wine drinkers prefer Hillary Clinton to the other candidates. Yeah, after hearing this, 'How much wine have they had?'" --Conan O'Brien

"During an odd moment at the Alito hearings yesterday, this is true, Sen. Arlen Specter announced that he goes to the same gym as Sen. Ted Kennedy. Not surprisingly, it's the gym that's closed 364 days a year." --Conan O'Brien

"Condoleezza Rice is the most popular member of the Bush administration. Yeah, experts say that claiming to be the most popular member of the Bush administration is like claiming you got the 'good' kind of Herpes." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I Do Not Mean To Imply... (explaining why he was wearing a red shirt and no pants)

Yesterday was Winnie the Pooh Day. This is according to a man on the subway explaining why he was wearing a red shirt and no pants. --Colin Jost, SNL

Paramount has begun developing a new movie called Summer Nights, which will be a prequel to the classic movie Grease. A prequel that will finally explain why everyone in that high school was in their late 30s. --Colin Jost

Harvey Weinstein has reportedly beaten the coronavirus, but there's still a chance he could be contagious, at least that's what he's yelling to anyone who gets near him in the showers. —Michael Che

"In the wake of news that the NSA is monitoring American phone records, Sen. Arlen Specter, the judiciary committee chairman, said he would subpoena the phone companies to appear before his committee. The phone companies said they would try to be there some time between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m." --Tina Fey

"This week, the presidential race continued to tighten up. In fact, according to the latest polls, John McCain is now only six points behind Sarah Palin." --Amy Poehler

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is like the Grateful Dead losing stoners (their core principles)

"But in Mexico, they are still taking precautions. The sex show, in Tijuana? The donkey now wears a condom." --Bill Maher

"I am starting to really worry about the Republican Party. I mean, last week they lost Arlen Specter. You know who they lost this week? Joe the plumber. Joe the plumber is quitting the Republican Party. This is like the Grateful Dead losing stoners." --Bill Maher

"Joe the plumber said at first he was flattered the Republicans were asking him for advice, and then one day, he remembered, he's a moron." --Bill Maher

"Dick Cheney was on the news this week, and he said that it would be a mistake for the Republicans to moderate their policies. He said they should remain true to their core principles: gay bashing, war profiteering and torture." --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What does Fox have against black Presidents? (Tasteful Marble Countertop State)

"President Obama held a press conference tonight in prime time. All the major networks carried it, except Fox. They ran the show 'Lie to Me' instead of the president. Fox is something -- they killed President David Palmer off '24,' they put his brother, President Wayne Palmer, into a permanent coma, and now this. What does Fox have against black Presidents?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"Arlen Specter has been a Republican for a long time, so it has got to be tough, don't you think? I mean, for years you're lying out of the right side of your mouth, and now suddenly you've got to start lying out the left side of your mouth." --Jay Leno

"Well, actually, other senators are talking about jumping ship as well. There's talk John McCain may go back to the Federalist Party." --Jay Leno

"It's happening more and more. The New Hampshire Senate now has passed a bill that would legalize same-sex marriage in New Hampshire. So, New Hampshire could go from the Granite State to the Tasteful Marble Countertop State." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

isn't this something you would expect from the Bush Administration? (switching parties)

"And in a move that has stunned Washington, D.C., longtime Pennsylvania Republican Senator Arlen Specter has switched parties. He is the first Republican senator to switch teams since Senator Larry Craig, I guess." --Jay Leno

"This is, I mean, this is exciting. Air Force One was in New York City and apparently nobody knew. They didn't make the call. Hello! Air Force One comes to New York City and wants to take some pictures. They send it right up and start buzzing New York City. I mean, isn't this something you would expect from the Bush Administration?" --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

it's the gym that's closed 364 days a year (a couple Bloody Marys)

"Have you been watching the Samuel Alito confirmation hearings? They're so dull, CBS has ordered 13 more episodes. This Alito guy is so tight that to loosen him up, finally, Ted Kennedy sent over a couple Bloody Marys." --David Letterman

"During an odd moment at the Alito hearings yesterday, this is true, Sen. Arlen Specter announced that he goes to the same gym as Sen. Ted Kennedy. Not surprisingly, it's the gym that's closed 364 days a year." --Conan O'Brien

"There was also the emotionally-charged saga of Mrs. Alito. I myself will never forget the sight of her crying as she listened to Sen. Lindsey Graham defend her husband from Democratic attacks on his character. It was a sign of how brutal and hard-hitting these hearings can be, especially for a woman who, due to a tragic laundry accident, was forced to show up wearing her grandmother's couch." --"Daily Show" correspondent Ed Helms

"Senators were shocked that Alito would belong to a group made up of exclusively white males, as opposed to the Senate, which is, of course, overwhelmingly husky white males. If your organization is all white and all male, make sure they're all fat." --Jon Stewart

Bush's approval rating dropped to $3 a gallon (Mission Accomplished in Spanish)

"President Bush is going to address the nation Monday night on the  immigration issue. Bush said he would have given the address tonight, but they couldn't get the 'Mission Accomplished' sign finished in Spanish soon enough." --Jay Leno

"Dick Cheney says he does expect to go hunting again. Of course, no guarantee he'll bag another lawyer." --Jay Leno

"President Bush's approval rating dropped to $3 a gallon." --Tina Fey

"In the wake of news that the NSA is monitoring American phone records, Sen. Arlen Specter, the judiciary committee chairman, said he would subpoena the phone companies to appear before his committee. The phone companies said they would try to be there some time between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m." --Tina Fey

They have cancelled their wedding in the Florida Keys (Don't Just Lay There)

"Tempers are running really high in Washington about a lot of issues. Yesterday, Senator Arlen Specter and Senator Russ Feingold got into a shouting match over the issue of gay marriage. As a result, Specter and Feingold have cancelled their wedding in the Florida Keys." --Conan O'Brien

"Bill Clinton is writing a book designed to encourage Americans to become more active in their communities. Clinton's book is called 'Don't Just Lay There.'" --Conan O'Brien

 "Remember the president of the Teamsters, Jimmy Hoffa? Well, he vanished and there were all these rumors and stories and myths about where he may be buried. It turns out now that the FBI got a tip and now they're looking everywhere for Jimmy Hoffa. Everywhere. The FBI is looking everywhere. And I'm thinking, 'that's great, but what about Osama bin Laden?'" --David Letterman