You're showing us the client list right? (The American Dream)

"This Facebook fiasco is one of the biggest clusterbombs ever on Wall Street. Regular people got screwed and the banks and the insiders did okay. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, 'The American Dream.'" –Bill Maher

"A new biography came out that says that in high school Obama was a huge pothead. Mitt Romney had to respond to this and said, ‘It is appalling that Obama spent his teenage years goofing around and smoking pot when he should have been pinning down gay kids and cutting their hair." –Bill Maher

"The same conservatives who were all for the Patriot Act are now freaked out about this. They're like, 'When we said the president could do whatever the hell he wanted, we didn't mean a black guy.'" –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

For eight years it was like being passed over by the Angel of Duh (What am I, the idiot whisperer?)

"People keep asking me if Sarah Palin is running for President. How the h*** do I know? What am I, the idiot whisperer?" –Bill Maher

"There is a giant fire burning in Arizona, the biggest fire ever in the history of the state. I'm not saying these two things are connected, but a few weeks ago Sarah Palin moved to Arizona, and then the state burst into flames." –Bill Maher

"That’s one nice thing I got to say about George W. Bush, he never visited Los Angeles. For eight years it was like being passed over by the Angel of Duh." --Bill Maher, regarding traffic in Los Angeles when Obama is in town

Bill Maher on gun nuts who want to open carry everywhere: "Guns aren't just a tool of last resort. They're awesome. That's why people stroke them. And name them, and take pictures with them. You guys aren't just firearm enthusiasts — you're ammosexuals. And before you try and deny you have some sort of unnatural romantic relationship with your gun, consider this. You're taking it out to dinner! Because it completes you. Get a room."

"The same conservatives who were all for the Patriot Act are now freaked out about this. They're like, 'When we said the president could do whatever the hell he wanted, we didn't mean a black guy.'" –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's a joke. I can't believe it. I caved in. I feel awful. (That's between me and Donny Three Wives)

It's reported that Donald Trump may have actually done business with the mob ... even has ties to an ex-convict named Joey No Socks. When asked about his relationship with Trump, Joey No Socks said, "That's between me and Donny Three Wives." –Jimmy Fallon

"If you're going to do a Chris Christie joke, just say, 'Christie spent $82,000 at a concession stand at MetLife Stadium. Then he turned to his friends and said, 'You guys want anything?'' That's a joke. I can't believe it. I caved in. I feel awful." –Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday Chris Christie said he thinks it would be fun to run against Jeb Bush for the Republican presidential nomination. While Jeb Bush said it would be fun just to watch Chris Christie run." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How can I oppose anything that brings more cake into New Jersey? (Which Joe Biden is your favorite?)

October 2013

"President Obama is urging Americans who are having trouble with the Obamacare website to sign up for healthcare by calling a 1-800 number. The number is 1-800-we-didn't-think-this-through." –Conan O'Brien

"As of today, same-sex marriages are now legal in New Jersey. And today New Jersey governor Chris Christie announced he would no longer oppose gay marriage. He said, 'How can I oppose anything that brings more cake into New Jersey?'" –Conan O’Brien

"Due to system failure today, many people were unable to update their Facebook status. Incidentally, for the several hours Facebook was down we were actually competitive with China." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If I wanted to hear your opinion, my husband will tap your phone (Thank God. I thought you were going to say my wife)

June 2013

"Big breaking news about something we've known for like seven years, which is that your phone calls are being tracked and your emails are being accessed by the government. And married men all over are saying, 'The government? Thank God. I thought you were going to say my wife.'" –Bill Maher

"The same conservatives who were all for the Patriot Act are now freaked out about this. They're like, 'When we said the president could do whatever the f*ck he wanted, we didn't mean a black guy.'" –Bill Maher

"Michelle Obama was heckled this week. Did you see that? Wow, she's tough. Obama always stays cool when he gets heckled, but Michelle was like all Game of Thrones on this woman. She said, 'If I wanted to hear your opinion, my husband will tap your phone.'" –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He wanted to know how often he should feed Siri? (What do we have to do?)

May 2013

"It's coming out that in high school, President Obama signed a girl's yearbook by calling her sweet and foxy. Of course, now he calls her Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano." –Conan O'Brien

"Pope Francis said that atheists are still eligible to go to heaven. To return the favor, atheists said Popes are still eligible to go into a void of nothingness." –Conan O'Brien

"A new international poll finds the least popular country in the world is Iran. After hearing this, North Korea said, 'What do we have to do?'" –Conan O'Brien

"During congressional hearings, Senator John McCain asked Apple CEO Tim Cook why the apps always need to be updated. McCain also wanted to know how often he should feed Siri." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which Joe Biden is your favorite? (Occasional Recall?)

"Arnold Schwarzenegger’s going back to acting, but what kind of movies? 'Conan the Octogenarian?' 'Occasional Recall?' 'Tinkle All the Way?' I have a soft spot for Arnold, maybe because I enjoyed his movies in the 1980s, or maybe because I’m not a teacher in California." –Craig Ferguson

"California is a very tough state to govern. We can't even control Lindsay Lohan." –Craig Ferguson

"The Schwarzeneggers are splitting up. Sources close to the couple say they just stopped communicating. I don't know how they ever started communicating." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver have separated. Maria cited irreconcilable differences. The translators are still trying to figure out what Arnold cited." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Put me on speaker phone — this is a doozy (Which is your favorite Joe Biden?)

“Today was the first time in over 20 years that Congress has held a public impeachment hearing. And if this one is anything like the last one, Trump will be impeached, then be acquitted in the Senate, and then in 20 years, his wife will lose an election to some idiot.” --Seth Meyers

“There’s no way you were too busy to watch. Trump watches T.V. all the time. I’m shocked there wasn’t a T.V. next to him while he was answering that question.” --Seth Meyers

“President Trump criticized the use of outside counsel for questioning at today’s impeachment hearing, saying, ‘I see they’re using lawyers that are television lawyers. They took some guys off television.’ Which is ironic, because Trump would love to take one of his lawyers off television.” --Seth Meyers

“A good criminal would call and say, ‘Are you alone?’ Trump would say, ‘Are you alone? If not, go find some people to stand next to. Put me on speaker phone — this is a doozy.’” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Wow, they really don’t like you (Which Joe Biden is your favorite?)

“And in yet another sign of just how much of a roller coaster Trump’s presidency has been, in that two-day span, he went from the low of his personal lawyer butt-dialing a reporter to the high of killing the world’s most wanted terrorist, and then that same day, back to the low of getting booed at the World Series.” --Seth Meyers

“Wow, move over, baseball — there’s a new national pastime.” --Seth Meyers

“Then Trump turned to Melania and was like, 'Wow, they really don’t like you.’” --Jimmy Fallon

“Usually to get booed that much at a sporting event in Washington, D.C., you have to play for the Redskins.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“You know he’s going to be throwing himself a big rally in Alabama after that to make him feel great again.” --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Which is your favorite Joe Biden? (tracking down terrorists and pretty flowers)

"Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi was on TV and he was angry and defiant. Then he went off the air and no one has seen him since — kind of like Keith Olbermann." –Jay Leno

"Gadhafi said he will fight the protestors until the end and he will die as a martyr. The protestors responded by saying, 'Deal.'" –Jay Leno

"The Pentagon is testing a robotic hummingbird that can be used as a spy camera. They say it will help them track down terrorists and pretty flowers." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Let's judge Joe Biden on his record (they're sniffing drugs all day)

"Illinois officials report that drug sniffing dogs are wrong as much as 70 percent of the time — probably because they're sniffing drugs all day." –Jay Leno

"California Congresswoman Lynn Woolsey referred to the war in Afghanistan as a 'national embarrassment.' Then she watched the premiere of 'Jersey Shore' and was like, 'Never mind.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Sarah Palin's reality show will not be returning as she contemplates a possible run for president in 2012. When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that's when you know they're serious about being president of the United States." –Jay Leno

"Police are looking for a man in Phoenix who robbed a bank and told the teller he wanted the money in twenties, forties and sixties. Authorities believe he could be one of President Obama's economic advisers." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm telling you, if in four hours, that gavel is still that size, he's got to call a doctor (the woods near Sarah Palin's house)

"An escaped prisoner in Alaska was on the run for six hours before he was finally caught near Sarah Palin's hometown of Wasilla. When I think of safe places to run, I think 'the woods near Sarah Palin's house.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"How about the new Speaker of the House, John Boehner. Have you seen this guy's enormous gavel. I'm telling you, if in four hours, that gavel is still that size, he's got to call a doctor." –David Letterman

"John Boehner -- doesn't he look like every guy you've ever seen at a hotel bar? He looks like the kind of guy who licks his thumb when he counts his money." –David Letterman

"Birds are falling out of the sky in Arkansas and Louisiana and London. Today I saw my parakeet looking at the obituaries in the newspaper on the bottom of his cage, chirping, 'Petey!'" –David Letterman 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I don't know if I trust a governor who's never done steroids (Which Joe Biden is your favorite?)

"This weekend in Arkansas, thousands of dead birds dropped out of the sky and there were 100,000 dead fish in the rivers. Also, McDonald's is having a special on Chicken McNuggets and Filet of Fish." –Jay Leno

"President Obama says he read three books while he was on vacation. Or as Sarah Palin put it, 'showoff.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"We have a new governor in California. Former Gov. Jerry Brown replaces Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. I don't know if I trust a governor who's never done steroids." –Jimmy Kimmel 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That's why they are called "Patriots" (Rancho Inepto)

"Did you know this? We have a brand-new Miss America, Katie Stam, from Indiana. They choose Miss America based on personality, how the young woman looks in a swimsuit, and how she looks in evening gowns. That is the competition. It's the same way that John McCain chooses a running mate." --David Letterman

"President Bush is enjoying retirement in Crawford, Texas, maybe not as much as we are." --David Letterman

"Former President Bush is back at his place in Texas. It's known as Rancho Inepto." --David Letterman

"Bush is not worrying about the country. No, it's like he's still president." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

There's no knocking. They just break in (his famous Patriot Act knock-knock joke)

"None of this has stopped the merriment in Washington. They had the Radio and TV Correspondents' Dinner the other night. That's where President Bush meets the reporters. He said it's nice to finally put the faces with the leaks." --Bill Maher

"The president got up there and did a little routine. 'Cause times are funny. He did his famous Patriot Act knock-knock joke. There's no knocking. They just break in." --Bill Maher

"Alberto Gonzales is in trouble because his number two man testified basically that he's a big f**king liar. Gonzales said today that he didn't lie about being involved in the firings, he just didn't recall being involved. So I guess they finally settled on a scapegoat ... Jose Cuervo." --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Well, I bet she's all ears now (top or bottom)

"And this DC Madam says that Vitter was not only having sex with the prostitutes -- this is unbelievable -- he would also pay them to dress him up in a diaper. See, that's what you call a pampered politician. And she also said today in an interview that he sometimes paid $300 an hour just to have the hookers talk to him because his wife didn't listen to him. Well, I bet she's all ears now." --Jay Leno

"Next month, right here in Los Angeles, the major  Democratic candidates have agreed to appear in the first ever gay debate. They will only discuss topics concerning gay Americans. Then we should actually find out which candidate ends up on the top and which one ends up on the bottom." --Jay Leno

     

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

That's why you're called "Patriots" (China, China and China)

"Today, President Bush left on a seven-day trip to Asia. He's gonna visit South Korea, Thailand and China. That's right, yeah. Or, as Bush refers to them, China, China and China. Not a detail guy." --Conan O'Brien

"Actually, analysts say a weak economy is causing less energy use, resulting in falling oil prices. Yeah. Basically, the worse the economy, the lower the oil prices. Which means if Bush could serve one more term, oil would be free." --Jay Leno

"Congress went on a five-week vacation starting today. And boy, they deserve it. Don't they? They got so much done this year: solved the energy crisis, health care, Social Security, immigration. Whew! Take a break, fellows." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

all bribe money has to be in a clear plastic bag (spying on evildoers)

"This week senators passed a limited ethics bill. It's something congress knows a lot about. Limited ethics. Some of the new rules are pretty tough, like from now on, all bribe money has to be in a clear plastic bag." --Jay Leno

"John McCain, on the other hand. He looks like the guy that walks up to the mound to settle down a young pitcher. John McCain looks like the guy who picks up his TV remote when the phone rings." --David Letterman

"How about the Democratic debate last night? How many folks saw the debate in Ohio? Hillary Clinton now is trailing Barack Obama and she's very desperate. Have you noticed this? She's starting to be desperate. Today she accused Barack Obama of attending a party at Jose Canseco's house." --David Letterman

"Bill Clinton's been getting in the way of Hillary's campaign. Can you believe that? She's really upset about it, so she's encouraged him to start dating again." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: They are going to rename it the New England Patriot Act

"Hillary Clinton out on the campaign trail. She's very sly. You know, she's been campaigning about Black History Month, and she said today that America has come so far that a black man could one day grow up and possibly be vice president of the United States." --Jay Leno

"And Senator John McCain was on the Larry King show the other night. He and Larry got in a big argument over whose prostate was larger." --Jay Leno

"And President Bush is now pushing Congress to expand the government's ability to spy on Americans now that the current phone tap bill has expired. In fact, to gain support for a new spying Bill, they're bringing in coach Bill Belichick. Yeah. They are going to rename it the New England Patriot Act." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html