"Arnold Schwarzenegger’s going back to acting, but what kind of movies? 'Conan the Octogenarian?' 'Occasional Recall?' 'Tinkle All the Way?' I have a soft spot for Arnold, maybe because I enjoyed his movies in the 1980s, or maybe because I’m not a teacher in California." –Craig Ferguson
"California is a very tough state to govern. We can't even control Lindsay Lohan." –Craig Ferguson
"The Schwarzeneggers are splitting up. Sources close to the couple say they just stopped communicating. I don't know how they ever started communicating." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver have separated. Maria cited irreconcilable differences. The translators are still trying to figure out what Arnold cited." –Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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