Which finally explains why the new governor of Wyoming is Anna Kournikova (he doesn’t have time to learn the language)

It’s being reported that in the 2016 elections, Russia interfered with voting systems in at least 39 states. Which finally explains why the new governor of Wyoming is Anna Kournikova. –Conan O’Brien

It’s been reported that President Trump is so worried about protests that he is postponing his upcoming trip to England. Trump is also worried he doesn’t have time to learn the language. –Conan O’Brien

A new report just came out and it found that the employees at a Trump clothing factory in Indonesia are subject to low wages and verbal abuse. And even they wouldn’t change places with Sean Spicer. –Conan O’Brien

Cameron Crowe has issued an apology for casting Emma Stone as an Asian woman in his new movie. He also announced that his next film about Malcolm X will no longer star Benedict Cumberbatch.—Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If I wanted to hear your opinion, my husband will tap your phone (Thank God. I thought you were going to say my wife)

June 2013

"Big breaking news about something we've known for like seven years, which is that your phone calls are being tracked and your emails are being accessed by the government. And married men all over are saying, 'The government? Thank God. I thought you were going to say my wife.'" –Bill Maher

"The same conservatives who were all for the Patriot Act are now freaked out about this. They're like, 'When we said the president could do whatever the f*ck he wanted, we didn't mean a black guy.'" –Bill Maher

"Michelle Obama was heckled this week. Did you see that? Wow, she's tough. Obama always stays cool when he gets heckled, but Michelle was like all Game of Thrones on this woman. She said, 'If I wanted to hear your opinion, my husband will tap your phone.'" –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was eating through Noah's Ark (the best time ever to be a cat)

April 2012

"President Obama, in his memoir, talked about his childhood in Indonesia living with his stepfather. He said when he was 8 years old, his stepfather introduced him to a number of unusual meats, including dog. Our president ate dog. Not only that, according to the book, he also ate snake. And his mother was looking for tiger. He was eating through Noah's Ark." –Jimmy Kimmel

"This is not something that someone dug up on him. This was in a book the president wrote himself. How did we miss this? If Ryan Seacrest wrote a book and said he ate dog, we would know about it." –Jimmy Kimmel 

"Between Romney and Obama, it is a frightening time to be a dog in this country. But the best time ever to be a cat." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

But on the plus side, Obama is now polling very well among cats (cocaine in the mini bar)

April 2012

"President Obama is gearing up for his presidential campaign. He's creating a new series of ads. The first ad boasts "just last week my Secret Service created jobs for 11 Colombian women." –Conan O'Brien

"The Secret Service prostitution scandal has gotten worse because apparently agents were also snorting cocaine. However, in the agents' defense, the Colombian hotels offer cocaine in the mini bar." –Conan O'Brien

"Conservatives are now criticizing President Obama because as a child in Indonesia he sometimes ate dog meat. But on the plus side, Obama is now polling very well among cats." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I got to where I am today is probably because my great-great-grandfather built the ark (To share his expertise on bad beards)

“Donald Trump Jr. just got paid $50,000 to give a speech at a college. If he wasn’t Donald Trump’s son, why else would they be asking him to speak, huh? To share his expertise on bad beards?” --Trevor Noah

“Even with their dad in office, the Trumps are still growing their business in places like India, Philippines, Indonesia, Uruguay — they’re all over the world. It’s like ‘The Amazing Race’ with no running and no chins.” --Trevor Noah

“I know for a fact, I know, the only reason I got to where I am today is probably because my great-great-grandfather built the ark.” --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Apparently, 3 out of 4 Indonesians believe he's an American (Bed, Bath and Don't Blame Me)

"Twenty-thousand Indonesians protested President Obama's visit to Indonesia. Apparently, 3 out of 4 Indonesians believe he's an American." –Conan O'Brien

"The Pentagon says it doesn't know who is responsible for launching a missile off the California coast on Monday. Meanwhile, Sasha and Malia can't believe the awesome new video game they just found in the White House." –Jimmy Fallon

"Nancy Pelosi is throwing a party to celebrate her time as speaker of the House. If you would like to get her a gift, she's registered at Bed, Bath and Don't Blame Me." –Jay Leno

"I don't know if you guys saw this, but Bristol Palin made it to the semifinals of "Dancing with the Stars" last night. I'm not saying Bristol is going to win, but if there's one thing she's known for, it's going all the way. So I would put my money, put it all on Bristol Palin." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

we can’t believe something is there just because Bush says it is (going back to visit the Death Star)

"‘Decision Points’ by George W. Bush has dropped, and it's like 'War & Peace' without the peace. Here's the very first page: 'In the last year of my presidency I began to seriously consider writing my memoirs.' Right away he’s got you hooked. Did he write them or didn’t he? You won’t know until you read the book. Maybe the rest of the pages are blank. If there’s one thing we’ve learned it’s that we can’t believe something is there just because Bush says it is." –Stephen Colbert

"President Obama was in Indonesia today, and he spent a lot of his childhood there. It was like Dick Cheney going back to visit the Death Star." –Craig Ferguson 

"President Obama said he spends a lot of time thinking about bringing back the eight million jobs we lost. And in his new book, George Bush says he spends a lot of time thinking about bringing back the show 'Wings.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"A company in China is selling a President Obama blow-up sex doll. Don't get too excited. It turns out most of its positions are very unpopular." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Which finally explains why the new governor of Wyoming is Anna Kournikova (Wait, you can do that?)

It’s being reported that in the 2016 elections, Russia interfered with voting systems in at least 39 states. Which finally explains why the new governor of Wyoming is Anna Kournikova. –Conan O’Brien

A new report just came out and it found that the employees at a Trump clothing factory in Indonesia are subject to low wages and verbal abuse. And even they wouldn’t change places with Sean Spicer. –Conan O’Brien

After winning the NBA Championship the Golden State Warriors unanimously decided to skip the traditional visit to the White House. After hearing this, Melania Trump said, “Wait, you can do that?” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

making her the first Trump to attend a women’s conference that didn’t include a swimsuit competition

Since becoming president, Donald Trump has not left the country — he’s barely left the country club. But today, Trump sent Ivanka to Berlin to participate in a women’s conference, making her the first Trump to attend a women’s conference that didn’t include a swimsuit competition. –Stephen Colbert

Ivanka spoke on a panel titled “Inspiring Women: Scaling Up Women’s Entrepreneurship.” And the Trump family has a long history of inspiring women — to march, to sue, to flee from a dressing room. –Stephen Colbert

Stateside, they’ve had trouble moving Ivanka’s line of clothing, so they secretly relabeled it as Adrienne Vittadini. That’s how unpopular the Trump name is — her clothing has been put in the Witness Protection Program. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

it's a different gay in Arizona -- a dry gay

"According to ABC News, John McCain is forming an exploratory committee to run for president. Not to be outdone, Hillary Clinton is also forming an exploratory committee just to try and keep track of her husband." --Jay Leno

"This week, President Bush is flying to Asia to meet with leaders of Indonesia, Malaysia, the Philippines, Singapore, Thailand and Vietnam. Or, as President Bush calls them, China." --Conan O'Brien

"Last week, the Democrats set a new record. They picked up more seats than Mark Foley did when he was a congressman." --Jay Leno

"It's complex, but the simplest explanation is it's a different gay in Arizona -- a dry gay. It still drove turnout among values voters -- that's why most of these referenda passed, but Republican strategists didn't count on the president being less popular than gay marriage. Apparently, the prospect of continued GOP control of Congress is even scarier than the thought of two men humping in your neighborhood." --Jason Jones, on Arizona voting down a ban on gay marriage

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

reality TV show I would totally watch

Indonesia's anti-drug chief is proposing that the country puts narcotic offenders in a jail on an island surrounded by crocodiles. When I heard about the plan, I was shocked it came out of Indonesia, and not last night's Republican debate. –James Corden

The plan is to send the inmates food supplies every day but they will have to survive on their own. This already sounds like a reality TV show I would totally watch. –James Corden

In Indonesian prisons, if you break out of prison, I do not recommend telling your cellmates, "Later, alligator." Because after a while, you'll end up in a crocodile. –James Corden