He wanted to launch it in his school's cafeteria but there's still a restraining order (The Father of Mass Incarceration)

Macy's has severed ties with Donald Trump and no longer will carry his men's wear collection. From now on, men who want to look like Donald Trump will have to hunt and kill their own hair piece. –Conan O’Brien

Chris Christie launched his presidential campaign in the gymnasium of his old high school. He wanted to launch it in his school's cafeteria but there's still a restraining order. –Conan O’Brien

There's a huge financial crisis in Greece. They're in terrible trouble. Greece announced they're going to default on their nearly $1.8 billion loan. Who would have thought the country that invented the philosophy major would be broke? –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Bobbing for apples or as Dick Cheney calls it, apple boarding. (I guess she apparently could see the cash from her house)

"We were never able to get President Bush on the show when he was president. President Bush was always too busy not working so he couldn't come through here.'" --David Letterman

"It's Fall. Unless you're Mitt Romney, and then it's freefall." –David Letterman

"The Chinese paid Sarah Palin $300,000 for the speech, the Chinese, $300,000 for the speech. I guess she apparently could see the cash from her house." --David Letterman

"Do people still bob for apples? Anybody bob for apples for God's sakes? Bobbing for apples or as Dick Cheney calls it, apple boarding." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s like he’s thinking about it all the time, and it just popped out (I hate when I mix up my unprovoked invasions)

May 2022

“During a speech in Dallas on Wednesday, former President George W. Bush misspoke while talking about Russia’s war in Ukraine, referring to it as ‘a wholly unjustified and brutal invasion of Iraq.’ That slip of the tongue has me feeling a little nostalgic. Dubya and I, for about 10 years, had so many good times together back at the old ‘Colbert Report.’ I made so much fun of him, and he gave he so many reasons to do that.” —Stephen Colbert

“Jiminy Christmas! The one phrase he definitely should never utter for the rest of his life. It’s like he’s thinking about it all the time, and it just popped out.” —Stephen Colbert

“Oof. That’s like your wife asking if you’re hungry and saying, ‘I could cheat. I mean eat. I could eat with my mistress.’” —Seth Meyers

“I hate when I mix up my unprovoked invasions.” —James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And just to mess with Trump, Mexico agreed to pay for it (Pink Floyd did an entire album about me)

I saw that Donald Trump himself is selling inauguration sweatshirts for $79. I know it sounds expensive for a sweatshirt, but just imagine how much they would have cost if they were made in America. –Jimmy Fallon

Finally, this is interesting. Denmark is building a 43-mile-long fence along its border with Germany to keep out wild pigs. And just to mess with Trump, Mexico agreed to pay for it. --Jimmy Fallon

President Trump signed executive orders to continue construction on the controversial Keystone and Dakota Access oil pipelines. I guess he hasn’t seen a massive protest since Saturday and kinda misses it. –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump was like, big deal -- Pink Floyd did an entire album about me called "The Wall," and I made them pay for it. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How can I oppose anything that brings more cake into New Jersey? (Which Joe Biden is your favorite?)

October 2013

"President Obama is urging Americans who are having trouble with the Obamacare website to sign up for healthcare by calling a 1-800 number. The number is 1-800-we-didn't-think-this-through." –Conan O'Brien

"As of today, same-sex marriages are now legal in New Jersey. And today New Jersey governor Chris Christie announced he would no longer oppose gay marriage. He said, 'How can I oppose anything that brings more cake into New Jersey?'" –Conan O’Brien

"Due to system failure today, many people were unable to update their Facebook status. Incidentally, for the several hours Facebook was down we were actually competitive with China." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which is your favorite Joe Biden? (tracking down terrorists and pretty flowers)

"Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi was on TV and he was angry and defiant. Then he went off the air and no one has seen him since — kind of like Keith Olbermann." –Jay Leno

"Gadhafi said he will fight the protestors until the end and he will die as a martyr. The protestors responded by saying, 'Deal.'" –Jay Leno

"The Pentagon is testing a robotic hummingbird that can be used as a spy camera. They say it will help them track down terrorists and pretty flowers." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”