I'm going to finish what my brother started (big band ringtones)

"I like John McCain. I like that guy. He looks like a guy whose cell phone has a big band ringtone." --David Letterman

"The brother of former President George Bush, Jeb Bush, is running for president. Yep, and the campaign slogan is, 'I'm going to finish what my brother started.'" —David Letterman

"Listen to this. Maybe you know somebody like this. A couple of 93-year-old guys living in Florida, and guess what, they're hiring prostitutes. Ninety-three years old. This is what happens, by the way, when Medicare covers Viagra." --David Letterman

 

"Here's some news from Hollywood. You know Pamela Anderson? Well, she recently had her marriage annulled. Her marriage lasted two months. I mean, honest to God, she goes through husbands like New York goes through governors." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the big Republican sex party (apologized on the Golf Channel)

"Now here's a fascinating story. And this kind of thing happens all the time. But every time it happens, we always say, 'Whoa, here we go.' The Republican National Committee had a big party at some kind of a sex club in Los Angeles. They spent $2,000 of campaign donation money on the bill at the sex club in Los Angeles. But the guy who organized the big Republican sex party apologized on the Golf Channel, so that's good." –David Letterman

"Pamela Anderson on 'Dancing with the Stars'. You know who else is on 'Dancing with the Stars'? Former astronaut Buzz Aldrin. Pam Anderson and Buzz Aldrin. Honest to God, it looks like a Republican ticket." –David Letterman

"Here's a fascinating story. The Republican National Committee got together and said, 'You know, boys, things are going so well for us here lately, let's have a party.' So they said, 'Well, yeah, but we don't want to pay for it.' And they said: 'No. We'll get the Republican National Committee to pay for it — money that we get from donations and contributions. We'll let the folks pay for it.' And everybody said, 'Great, what do we do?' And they said, 'Well, let's go to Los Angeles to a sex club.' And they said, 'Great!' So they end up there at a bondage club in Los Angeles. And I thought that makes perfect sense because Republicans love tying things up: healthcare, you know; climate control; financial reform." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

she goes through husbands like New York goes through governors (shrapnel)

"Here's some news from Hollywood. You know Pamela Anderson? Well, she recently had her marriage annulled. Her marriage lasted two months. I mean, honest to God, she goes through husbands like New York goes through governors." --David Letterman

"Listen to this. Maybe you know somebody like this. A couple of 93-year-old guys living in Florida, and guess what, they're hiring prostitutes. 93 years old. This is what happens, by the way, when Medicare covers Viagra." --David Letterman

"Speaking of old guys, how about that John McCain? I like John McCain. He looks like the guy who gets frisky with the new waitress at IHOP. He looks like the guy who watches his Cadillac go through the car wash. He looks like the guy in the supermarket yelling into his cell phone, 'I'm in aisle three, Marge. I can't find the brownie mix.'" --David Letterman

 "Did you hear about this Hillary Clinton? Apparently, now they caught her exaggerating about a trip to Bosnia a few years ago. Did you hear about this? Well, people, when they heard her explanation of the trip, they became suspicious because she said when she got to Bosnia, after they got to the base, she had to have shrapnel removed from her pantsuit." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Today, he was offered a contract by the NBA

It has come out that a top Russian official recently met with Pamela Anderson. The Russian official said it was an honor to meet someone who’s posed for more topless photos than Vladimir Putin. –Conan O’Brien

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West had their baby over the weekend but they waited until today to reveal the name. When asked why they waited so long, Kim and Kanye said, "We’re very private people." –Conan O’Brien

In the United Kingdom, a sperm donor has fathered 54 children. Today, he was offered a contract by the NBA. –Conan O’Brien