So my soulmate is out there (He got 2.5 billion hits!)

October 2013

"According to a new report, more than 700 fake Obamacare websites have been created. Security experts say it's simple to identify the phony sites because they are easy to log on to." –Jay Leno

"The White House said today that one of the reasons the Obamacare website has had so many problems is because it's so popular that it was overwhelmed. Really? How come Psy's 'Gangnam Style' video never had any problems? He got 2.5 billion hits!" –Jay Leno

"Have you tried to log on to the Obamacare website? It's slow. It is slower than my watch during an interview with Paris Hilton." –Jay Leno

"The Obamacare website is not the only one crashing. The NSA website went offline Friday after suspected hackers broke into it. Hey, NSA: It's not so much fun when people are sneaking into YOUR computer, is it?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now they're really asking for it (at least it's not Trump)

April 2013

"On Tuesday at the White House, President Obama sang with Justin Timberlake. It's being called the blackest thing President Obama has ever done." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump is going to be a grandfather. It's true. That thing on his head is pregnant." –Craig Ferguson

"The South Korean pop star Psy of 'Gangnam Style' fame just announced that he'll release a new song tomorrow. As soon as they heard, North Korea said, 'Now they're really asking for it.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, not with THAT attitude...

"Dictator Kim Jong Un is back. He'd been missing. No one knew where he was. No one had seen him for a long time. It was like he was hosting a talk show at 12:30 on CBS." –Craig Ferguson



"During an interview, Senator John McCain declared that the U.S. isn't winning the war against ISIS. Even ISIS said, 'Well, not with THAT attitude.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"A new poll shows that only a slim majority of Americans think the country is prepared for an Ebola outbreak. But I think we deal with outbreaks pretty well. It only took us a couple of months to completely eradicate Gangnam Style." –Seth Meyers



It's like getting barked at by a chihuahua locked in a car

"North Korea has the same ability to launch a nuclear strike against America as I do. It's like walking through a parking lot and getting barked at by a chihuahua locked in a car." –Bill Maher 



"Everybody's excited about college basketball's tournament. You know who is a big fan of the Syracuse Orangemen? John Boehner." –David Letterman

"North Korea threatened to launch a missile at South Korea. North Korea backed down after South Korea threatened to launch a sequel to 'Gangnam Style.'" –Conan O'Brien



"In high school Kim Jong Un starred in a production of the musical 'Grease.' That's also where Kim met his first wife, Olivia Newton Jong." –Conan O'Brien