There has been a whole lot of talk about Donald Trump’s fitness for office lately. He took a physical last Friday, and today we got the results from his doctor, Ronny Jackson. Right off the bat, the doctor broke big news: “The heart exam was normal.” So, despite all evidence, Donald Trump does have a heart. --Stephen Colbert
With the president being 6’3” and 239 pounds, according to the body mass index by the Federal Health and Human Services Department Trump is overweight and just one pound shy of obesity. One pound short of being obese — that’s awfully convenient. “Listen, Doc, I feel like this wad of cash is about one pound, why don’t you take that off my hands and weigh me again?” --Stephen Colbert
Anybody here drink water but wish you could pay more for it? Well, good news, folks, because the next big startup craze in Silicon Valley is companies offering consumers the chance to get “off the water grid” with something called “raw water,” which is water that is unfiltered, untreated, and unsterilized. Wow, drinking that sounds un-sane. --Stephen Colbert
A magisterial collection.
An emotional roller coaster.
Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s
Last Night On Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.
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