JOKES: How much damage could he do in a week? (where the good Lord split ya)

So this is our first show of the Trump administration. You ever regret going on vacation? "Take the week off," they said. "America will still be here when you get back," they said. "How much damage could he do in a week?" –Stephen Colbert

You've got to give the guy credit. He can really get a lot of stuff undone. From Obamacare to climate change to torture, he's already moved the country back to 2004. If this keeps up, pretty soon, I’m going to launch "The Colbert Report." –Stephen Colbert

This guy is the Usain Bolt of executive orders. The latest is the order banning any refugees from entering the country for 120 days. Now, keep in mind, there are currently more refugees than at any time since World War II, and Trump just slammed the door. Explains why the poem on the Statue of Liberty now reads, "Don't let it hit ya where the good Lord split ya." –Stephen Colbert

And at Dulles Airport, a 5-year-old Iranian boy was detained for hours and kept from his mother. Or as Kellyanne Conway calls it, "alternative daycare." –Stephen Colbert