Anthony Weiner sent me a photo of his penis looking sad

"I don't like goodbyes. NBC does. Well, tonight is our last show for real. See, I don't need to get fired three times. I get the hint." –Jay Leno

 

"I got to tell you, the outpouring from people. It's really been touching. Today Anthony Weiner sent me a photo of his penis looking sad." –Jay Leno

"There are 12 new events in this year's Winter Olympics, 12. The new events include women's ski jumping, luge-team relay, and finding a working toilet." –Conan O'Brien