Finally, a medicine that will help my dog lie on the couch all day (Wait, I know this one. Was it China?)

"A company has come out with a line of medical marijuana dog treats. Finally, a medicine that will help my dog lie on the couch all day." –Seth Meyers

In an interview today, President Trump questioned why America fought the Civil War. Even worse, then he questioned whom America fought in the Civil War. “Wait, I know this one. Was it China?” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump admitted he made the choice on an empty stomach (What do I have to do?)

For his secretary of labor, President-elect Trump has picked an executive from the fast food restaurants Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s. Afterwards, Trump admitted he made the choice on an empty stomach. –Conan O’Brien

Everyone’s OK, but this morning, a 6.5-magnitude earthquake hit California’s prime marijuana-growing county. Authorities swept the area, urging residents to remain even calmer. –Conan O’Brien

For the second year in a row, Johnny Depp has been named Forbes magazine’s Most Overpaid Actor. After hearing this, Nicolas Cage said, “What do I have to do?” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning (Just like that)

 

"As you know, President Bush is calling for an amendment against gay marriage or as President Bush calls it, 'Leave That Fellas Behind.'" --Jay Leno

"I've been watching that John Adams miniseries on HBO. Have you seen this? Boy, it's really good. You know, it's fun to see all the Founding Fathers. They're all in it. John Adams, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John McCain." --Jay Leno

"Former Enron founder Ken Lay and CEO Jeffrey Skilling were found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised people aren't calling him Congressman Ken Lay. Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I hope to God he knows what we mean by a "selfie." (Greatest. Bouncy House. EVER.)

According to Politico, former Vice President Joe Biden has been less touchy with voters on the campaign trail and is doing more selfies, and I hope to God he knows what we mean by a "selfie." --Seth Meyers

Strong winds in California recently caused a bouncy house with a child in it to be blown from a backyard and onto a nearby highway. Authorities say the child is OK, and the child said, “Greatest. Bouncy House. EVER.” --Seth Meyers

President Trump this weekend retweeted a post suggesting that he have two years added to his term in order to make up for the time taken up by the Russia investigation, and to make up for the time he's spent playing golf, he'll need at least an additional decade. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In the ultimate irony, she had to ask one of Bill's interns for a throat lozenge (97% of campaign contributions)

 

"Last night, they had the 60th Emmy awards. What a star-studded affair that was. There were more celebrities there than a Barack Obama fundraiser. It was unbelievable. I guess the miniseries 'John Adams' set a new Emmy record last night. 13 wins. So, a guy from the 1700s can still win today. That is good news for John McCain." --Jay Leno

 

"Now, as you probably know, President Bush's wife, Laura, was a librarian when they met. Did you know that? In fact, she's the only thing he ever checked out of a library." --Jay Leno

"Eliot Spitzer is the guy who vowed to clean up New York. But to be fair, he did bring prostitution to its knees one girl at a time." --Jay Leno

"Well, Hillary Clinton lost her voice last night, did you see that? In the ultimate irony, she had to ask one of Bill's interns for a throat lozenge." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Within five minutes in heaven, he fired God and told Jesus to lose the beard (apparently he’s also a rapper)

"On the latest Mel Gibson tape, he insults women and uses ethnic slurs and obscenities. I knew Mel was an actor and a director, but apparently he’s also a rapper." –Jay Leno

"Yankees owner George Steinbrenner passed away. He was a tough guy. Within five minutes in heaven, he fired God and told Jesus to lose the beard." –Jay Leno

"Last night, they had the 60th Emmy awards. What a star-studded affair that was. There were more celebrities there than a Barack Obama fundraiser. It was unbelievable. I guess the miniseries 'John Adams' set a new Emmy record last night. 13 wins. So, a guy from the 1700s can still win today. That is good news for John McCain." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If any of these jokes bomb tonight, the federal government will step in and bail me out (good news)

"The economy is in big trouble, but the Bush administration is now running it. So finally some good news." --David Letterman

"Last night, they had the 60th Emmy awards. What a star-studded affair that was. There were more celebrities there than a Barack Obama fundraiser. It was unbelievable. I guess the mini-series 'John Adams' set a new Emmy record last night. 13 wins. So, a guy from the 1700s can still win today. That is good news for John McCain." --Jay Leno

"Listen to this. If any of these jokes bomb tonight, the federal government will step in and bail me out. Whew! Thank goodness." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020

Believe me, this can't fail (bad apples)

"Last night, they had the 60th Emmy awards. What a star-studded affair that was. There were more celebrities there than a Barack Obama fundraiser. It was unbelievable. I guess the mini-series 'John Adams' set a new Emmy record last night. 13 wins. So, a guy from the 1700s can still win today. That is good news for John McCain." --Jay Leno



"This is what I love about this whole thing. This is what Congress said today. 'The days of getting money just for the asking are over.' And then they asked for $700 billion. Here's the way a bailout works. A failed president and a failed Congress invest $700 billion of your money in failed businesses. Believe me, this can't fail." --Jay Leno



"Hey, anybody seen John McCain? He was a guest on the 'Rachael Ray' show today. You know, I think he's trying to attract younger voters. I think it might have backfired on him a little bit. Like when Rachael Ray put something in the microwave, McCain said, 'Hey, that's a pretty fancy breadbox you've got there. "Hey, an electric bread box!'" --Jay Leno



http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

there has always been undercurrent to his candidacy, a whisper, if you will (potluck dinner)

"I've been watching that John Adams miniseries on HBO. You seen this? Boy, it's really good. You know, it's fun to see all the Founding Fathers. They're all in it. John Adams, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John McCain." --Jay Leno

"Moving on. Throughout Barack Obama's startling run for the presidency, there has always been undercurrent to his candidacy, a whisper, if you will, that he was not of this nation. A foreign name. Perhaps a Muslim background. But recent events have clarified Obama's standing. The good news? He's a Christian, a committed member of Chicago's Trinity United Church of Christ. 

The bad news? This is his pastor [on screen: footage of Rev. Jeremiah Wright saying, 'The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then walks up to sing 'God Bless America.' No, no, no, not God bless America. Goddamn America']. All right. Well, thank you, pastor. Now I believe Linda has some announcements about Sunday's potluck dinner." --Jon Stewart 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

aftershocks from Chris Christie celebrating at the Cowboys game

"A total of 71 lawmakers in the new Congress are freshmen. Their parents helped them move in over the weekend." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Congrats to former President George H.W. Bush and his wife Barbara, who celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary yesterday, and it's actually the longest presidential marriage since John Adams. Or as Barbara calls Adams, 'my first love.'" –Jimmy Fallon



"Some areas near Dallas experienced a 3.5-magnitude earthquake, which some blame on fracking. However, scientists say that it was more likely aftershocks from Chris Christie celebrating at the Cowboys game." –Jimmy Fallon