Trump respects people who don’t suck up to him, starting ...yesterday (That’s money that could be used to launch giant penises into space)

Speaking of Stormy Daniels, it's time for tonight's edition of "Stormy Watch: Karen McDougal Edition!" McDougal is the former Playboy Playmate who allegedly had a year-long affair with Donald Trump, beginning just three months after the birth of his and Melania's son, roughly the same time as he slept with Stormy Daniels. That's dangerous! You don’t want to risk that! Can you imagine he's having sex and calls out the wrong mistress' name? I'm joking, of course. Just kidding, he screams out his own name. "Oh, Truuuump!" --Stephen Colbert

Things are completely different since the president appointed a new chief of staff, Gen. John Kelly. Rumor is Kelly got the job after he stood up to Trump, when raised voices could be heard through the thick door to the Oval Office. It was seen as an early indication that Kelly was not afraid to stand up to his commander in chief. No surprise. Trump respects people who don’t suck up to him, starting ...yesterday. –Stephen Colbert

“Of course, the pandemic has exacerbated our pre-existing condition of extremely rich people. A Bloomberg report on super-yacht charters, reports yacht charters are up over 340%. This is disgusting. At a time of dire need, the ultra-rich shouldn’t be blowing their money on boats. That’s money that could be used to launch giant penises into space.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

A remarkable capacity for not even hearing about them (It’s called leadership, people)

August 2022

“There was an extraordinary excerpt from yet another book on the Trump White House. According to an excerpt published in the New Yorker from The Divider: Trump in the White House, by Peter Baker and Susan Glasser, Trump complained to his chief of staff John Kelly, a former Marine Corps general: ‘You fucking generals, why can’t you be like the German generals?’  That’s right, Fox News was out there every day being like, ‘these liberals are so over the top, always comparing Trump to Hitler.’ Meanwhile, Trump was going ‘why won’t people treat me more like Hitler? Why not?’ It actually got more alarming than that, because Kelly reportedly pointed out that Hitler was almost assassinated three times by his military leaders. Trump replied: ‘No, no, no, they were totally loyal to him.’ I don’t know why, but I feel like that information didn’t change Trump’s opinion of the German generals. Knowing Trump, he was probably like, ‘Those losers tried to kill Hitler three times and they choked like a dog … you know who was able to kill Hitler on the first try? Hitler. It’s called leadership, people.’” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you can’t spell it, you can’t have it (a middle-aged Harry Potter impersonator)

As you know President Trump has been having a hard time finding a replacement for John Kelly, his former chief of staff. Well, he’s just found a temporary one. Donald Trump has announced that his acting chief of staff will be Mick Mulvaney. I’m sure most of you are unfamiliar with Mick Mulvaney. Here’s a picture of him. That’s Trump’s new chief of staff. There’s no word yet as to whether he’ll be keeping his weekend job as a middle-aged Harry Potter impersonator. --James Corden

Donald Trump tweeted about his precious border wall this evening, and while his opinions on the border wall haven’t changed, his spelling apparently has. Because he spelled the word border with an extra ‘A’, spelling it Boarder. How’s this for an idea: If you can’t spell it, you can’t have it. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Oh, no. He thinks it's Mickey Mouse, doesn't he? (Melania had the room swept for mistletoe)

President Trump and First Lady Melania attended a Christmas reception today at the White House but not before Melania had the room swept for mistletoe. --Seth Meyers

President Trump tweeted on Friday that his budget director will replace John Kelly and become acting White House chief of staff, adding, "Mick M will do a great job." Oh, no. He thinks it's Mickey Mouse, doesn't he? --Seth Meyers

New York governor Andrew Cuomo today called for the legalization of recreational marijuana in the state. I guess he figures if you're moving really slow, the trains will seem faster. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What was Mike Pence thinking during that Oval Office meeting? (Soon.)

Of course, the president is still searching for a new chief of staff. It’s a big job. Like any job working for Donald Trump, it comes with dental, paid sick leave, and free government housing for five to ten years. --Stephen Colbert

Yesterday, the White House announced that John Kelly will remain in the job through at least January 2nd to ensure a very peaceful and pragmatic transition for his successor. So, they fire Kelly, can’t find anybody else, and make him stay to train his successor. It’s like saying to your girlfriend, “Hey, I’m breaking up with you, but I’m going to need you to stay on until we can ensure a peaceful and pragmatic transition to Becky over there.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Damn that's how bad this job is (repairing broken men)

So now Trump needs a new chief of staff which is arguably the most important job in the White House. They advise the president, they control access to the president, they get the president out of the tanning bed before he burns. So they need to find a strong candidate. The problem is right now they can't find anyone. 

“The presidents top advisors expected Mike Pence's chief of staff Nick Ayers to replace John Kelly but over the weekend Ayers took himself out of the running. Nick Ayers made clear to the president he had plans to move his young family back home to Georgia.” 

Damn that's how bad this job is. President Trump offered it to his own guy and he responds by fleeing to another state. --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Native American Code of Ethics (Will you be my chief of staff?)

Actually, one of Mike Pence's aides was expected to replace John Kelly, but he turned Trump down. You know you're a tough guy to work for when someone says, "Thanks, but I'd rather be stuck in a room all day with Mike Pence. That's more fun for me." --Jimmy Fallon

I heard that several of Trump's top choices don't want the position. At this point, the only job tougher to fill than chief of staff is host of The Oscars. --Jimmy Fallon

Trump attended the Army versus Navy football game, where he went on the field and shook hands with the players. Then he whispered to each one of them, "Will you be my chief of staff?” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Which explains their first choice -- Mary Poppins (Show Me Your Papers)

Trump’s Chief of Staff John Kelly is out at the end of the year. He’s leaving to not spend more time with Trump’s family. --Jimmy Kimmel

President Trump's chief of staff John Kelly is leaving the White House. It won't take long to pack up his office, because the only things in his desk are some Tylenol and a bottle of vodka. --Jimmy Fallon

Well, now the administration is looking for a new chief of staff to bring order to the White House and improve Trump's behavior. Which explains their first choice -- Mary Poppins. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And here’s the best part fellows. She’s single! (Oh, Please let it be me!)

According to multiple sources, Donald Trump’s chief of staff John Kelly, may soon be fired because of repeated clashes with Trump. It’s gotten so bad, either John Kelly or Melania have to leave the White House. Melania told Trump point blank. She said, It’s either him or me. Please let it be me...Please let it be me...Please let it be me.” --James Corden

So John Kelly soon might be out. And in keeping with White House tradition, John Kelly plans to secretly record himself firing himself.” --James Corden

In other news a woman in Texas rigged up her wedding dress with explosives and blew it into a million pieces. And here’s the best part fellows. She’s single!” --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

wait, I forget. Whose denials are false? (Screw it. Let's grab a beer)

Chief of Staff John Kelly also denied a lot of things Woodward wrote about him. Then Woodward said, "Kelly is wrong in denying those things." As you can imagine, Kelly didn't like that. So he responded saying, "I refute Woodward's denial that my claims that he was lying are true." Woodward heard that and fought back, saying, "I reject Kelly's refuting of my denial that claims that he was lying are true." And then Kelly responded, "I object to Woodward's rejection of my — wait, I forget. Whose denials are false?" --Jimmy Fallon

Then Woodward said, "Yeah, hold on a second. I'm pretty sure that my rejection of your denial of my refusal is true, right?" Then Kelly said, "Wait, there was a refusal? I don't remember a refusal. Who refused what?" Then Woodward said, "Wait, I think I got it. You rejected my denial of your claim from my — you know what? Screw it. Let's grab a beer." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

And it is the opposite. He called an idiot the president (huff the drapes)

White House Chief of Staff John Kelly released a statement last night denying that he called President Trump an idiot, saying, quote, "The idea that I ever called the president an idiot is not true. In fact, it's exactly the opposite." And it is the opposite. He called an idiot the president. --Seth Meyers

According to a new report, some upscale hotels are now offering cannabis-infused room service items to maximize relaxation for guests. Or you could just go to any Days Inn and huff the drapes. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

That’s also what they tell me when I’m asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s (I don’t have integrity issues)

During an interview yesterday, former Trump aide Omarosa played a secret recording of chief of staff John Kelly informing her she was being fired. The firing took place in the White House’s Situation Room. Omarosa recorded this herself, which is a first, because usually there’s a whole camera crew there when she’s getting fired. --James Corden

On the tape, Kelly says Omarosa was being fired due to significant integrity issues. And nothing says “I don’t have integrity issues” like recording your boss in the top-secret Situation Room. --James Corden

Also, on the recording, you can hear General Kelly telling Omarosa that if she makes a friendly departure, she won’t lose her reputation. That’s also what they tell me when I’m asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s. “We’ve talked about this, Mr. Corden, don’t make a scene. You can come back tomorrow.” --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I’m going to try out for the Yankees (There’s something wrong with this chicken)

After former White House staffer Omarosa Manigault released a recording of a conversation with President Trump, Trump tweeted, “Wacky Omarosa who got fired three times on ‘The Apprentice’ now got fired for the last time. She never made it, never will.” Well, actually, she did make it. You hired her for a job in the White House after she got fired three times on “The Apprentice.” That’s like getting cut three times from the Mets and thinking, “I’m going to try out for the Yankees.” --Seth Meyers

Former White House staffer Omarosa Manigault yesterday played a recording of a conversation with chief of staff John Kelly in the Situation Room, which is the most secure area of the West Wing. Well, [shows door with sign “Melania’s Room: Keep Out!!!”] the second most secure. --Seth Meyers

Omarosa also claims in her book that she once saw President Trump eat a piece of paper. But in his defense, [shows paper with “chicken” written on it] he was tricked. [imitates Trump, chewing] “There’s something wrong with this chicken.” --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

On the bright side, that’s actually the healthiest thing he’s ever eaten (Eat Me)

On “Meet the Press” yesterday, Omarosa played a recording of Trump’s chief of staff John Kelly, firing her in the White House Situation Room. Experts said, “Nobody’s ever made a recording in that room.” Then one guy said, [Russian accent] “That you know about.” --Jimmy Fallon

In her new book, Omarosa claims that she once walked in on Trump in the Oval Office eating a piece of paper. Eating paper. On the bright side, that’s actually the healthiest thing he’s ever eaten. --Jimmy Fallon

She says that Trump ate a piece of paper in the Oval Office. But I think Trump was just confused. Because it was a note from an angry staffer that said, “Eat me.” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You haven't even read your own autobiography (from one Orange narcissist to another)

According to Politico, White House chief of staff John Kelly has been going to the gym in the middle of the day. Well, that's one sure way to not run into the boss. --Seth Meyers

President Trump repeated his false statement today that crime is up in Germany and said the numbers may appear lower because officials don't want to report the crimes. Dude, you want us to believe you've been poring over secret unreleased German crime statistics? You haven't even read your own autobiography. --Seth Meyers

Today was the 40th anniversary of the first "Garfield" comic strip, so from one guy making fun of a fat lazy Orange narcissist to another, congratulations. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

GOP: Let's Do It Again! (it's only a matter of time until he trades you in for a new one)

Meanwhile, the president's relationship with his chief of staff is on the rocks. John Kelly is reportedly so frustrated with Trump he stopped even trying to rein him in. Kelly reportedly has begun working out in the middle of the day and is said to be mentally checked out of his job. Just like Trump, except for the working-out part. --Jimmy Kimmel

John Kelly also reportedly said he doesn't care if Trump gets impeached. You know, being Donald Trump's chief of staff is kind of like being his wife. You'll never see him, you have no control over what he does, and it's only a matter of time until he trades you in for a new one. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He said he first got into Beyoncé’s music when Hillary Clinton smashed his car windshield with a baseball bat (Don’t Stop Believing)

I saw that when John Kelly became Trump’s chief of staff, the Secret Service director emailed him, saying, “Congratulations, I think.” Which is the same thing everyone said to Melania at her bridal shower.  --Jimmy Fallon

This week, former FBI Director James Comey said that he’s actually a big fan of Beyoncé. He said he first got into Beyoncé’s music when Hillary Clinton smashed his car windshield with a baseball bat.  --Jimmy Fallon

A member of the band Journey said “Don’t Stop Believing” was inspired by the time he borrowed money from his dad to pay his dog’s vet bill. Apparently, the dog was hit by a midnight train goin’ anywhere.  --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Just cut him loose and save the rest of us (Save Trump from himself?)

According to reports, White House chief of staff John Kelly has referred to President Trump as "an idiot." But, remember, it's okay for John Kelly to mock Donald Trump's intelligence because he's not a female comedian at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. --James Corden

John Kelly said Trump's "an idiot" and that "we've got to save him from himself." Save Trump from himself? Just cut him loose and save the rest of us. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

How can he let our enemies know what he’s doing when even he doesn’t know what he’s doing? (nibbling on chicken nuggets in a Speedo)

This was another difficult day for President Trump. Details from a forthcoming book written by former FBI Director Jim Comey came out today, and Comey said, among other things, Trump is “untethered from the truth.” He says chief of staff John Kelly offered to quit when Trump fired Comey, he was so disgusted. He said he believes the president wears tanning goggles. That I would like to see, Trump on the roof of the White House, a little mask over his eyes like a raccoon, nibbling on chicken nuggets in a Speedo. --Jimmy Kimmel

But see, this is the genius of Donald Trump. How can he let our enemies know what he’s doing when even he doesn’t know what he’s doing? --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

I'd be cool with "Put him under psychiatric observation" (dat good kush)

Robert Mueller wants to interview Trump, but the president's lawyers want to limit the conversation to certain topics. So right now they're trying to compromise based on what Mueller wants to talk about, and what Trump wants to talk about. For example, Robert Mueller wants to talk about Anthony Scaramucci. Trump wants to talk about offshore drilling. They're compromising and talking about the "Jersey Shore" reboot. --Jimmy Fallon

Mueller wants to talk about Jared Kushner. Trump wants to talk about new drug laws. So they're compromising and talking about "dat good kush." --Jimmy Fallon

Mueller wants to talk about George Papadopoulos. Trump wants to talk about John Kelly. They're compromising and talking about Papa John's. --Jimmy Fallon

And finally, Mueller wants to talk about mistakes, and Trump wants to talk about himself. They’re compromising and talking about Donald Trump Jr. --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html