If immorality is sweeping the land (It’s expected to be the No. 1 movie with a colon in the title)

Meanwhile, Roy Moore, you know Roy Moore — the leather-vested loser in the race for Senate in Alabama? Still hasn’t conceded the election. Even though he lost. Not only has he not conceded, he released a YouTube video bemoaning the fact that immorality is sweeping the land. If immorality is sweeping the land, you, my friend, are a Roomba. –Jimmy Kimmel

The new Star Wars movie has finally arrived. “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” opened in theaters tonight. I feel we need more time between the Star Wars movies. As soon as you come out of the theater you have to get in line for the next one. It’s expected to be the No. 1 movie with a colon in the title at the box office this weekend. –Jimmy Kimmel

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

as Roy Moore calls it, "the perfect date movie." (Hindsight is 2020)

I'm a little shaky tonight because my heart has been hurting all day due to a condition my doctor calls "hope." I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. I haven't been saying that word that much this year because it's been a rough year. –Stephen Colbert

We have been buried under an avalanche of bad news, but through the rubble of 2017, there was a glimmer of light, because last night, Roy Moore lost to Doug Jones in Alabama. –Stephen Colbert

Jones is the first Democrat to win an Alabama Senate seat in 25 years – so a quarter of a century. The last time Alabama elected a Democratic senator, the biggest movie was "Aladdin," or, as Roy Moore calls it, "the perfect date movie." –Stephen Colbert

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

we'll never forget all the people he touched (32 people approve)

Roy Moore may have lost last night's election, but we'll never forget all the people he touched. –Seth Meyers

Republican Roy Moore did not concede last night's special Senate election in Alabama, telling his supporters, quote, "God is always in control." Unless Moore's on his horse, in which case no one's in control. –Seth Meyers

According to a new Monmouth University poll, only 32 percent of people approve of the job President Trump is doing. Oh, wait. Oh, I'm sorry. I read that wrong. Only 32 people approve of the job President Trump is doing. –Seth Meyers

   

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

God's sitting on his couch watching Netflix right now (post-election party)

At the Roy Moore post-election party they were NOT celebrating. They were also not giving up. Roy Moore refused to concede. On top of that, his horse got towed. It was very sad. –Jimmy Kimmel

Not only didn't he concede, as of tonight he still hasn't conceded. He said God will decide when it's over. Guess what. God decided. It's over. God went home. God's sitting on his couch watching Netflix right now. It's done. –Jimmy Kimmel

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

barely not electing an alleged pedophile to the Senate is something to celebrate (Forever 21)

A Republican losing to a Democrat in Alabama is like a grizzly bear losing to a fish. –Jimmy Kimmel

If the Republican you're running against is not allowed inside Forever 21, your odds of winning increase significantly. –Jimmy Kimmel

It is kind of depressing that in 2017, barely not electing an alleged pedophile to the Senate is something to celebrate. –Jimmy Kimmel

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

hiding from shopping mall security guards (The same way his horse did)

The big news was last night Democrat Doug Jones defeating controversial Republican candidate Roy Moore. Now, he lost, but on the bright side, Roy Moore can now focus his energies on his real passion – hiding from shopping mall security guards. –James Corden

This is really historic because it's the first time in 25 years that a Democrat has been elected senator in Alabama. Now, to give you an idea of how long ago it was, Roy Moore was dating girls back then who are now in their 30s. –James Corden

This election just totally got away from Roy Moore. The same way his horse did. –James Corden

It was revealed that Omarosa, former apprentice contestant and recent White House aide, has been fired. Omarosa is out of a job. So now she'll be doing, well, pretty much the same thing she was doing at the White House. Absolutely nothing. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

And we thought Roy Moore was a monster! (What the hell, man?)

Paul Ryan revealed that he hasn't eaten sweets in 10 years, and said that he'd rather eat grilled asparagus than a Snickers. Americans were like, "And we thought Roy Moore was a monster!" –Jimmy Fallon

Apparently George Clooney once gave his 14 best friends a million dollars each. They were thrilled, while his 15th best friend was like, "What the hell, man?" –Jimmy Fallon

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Wow! What an upset! (But to be fair, it WAS a school night)

Last night Doug Jones pulled off a shocking win over Roy Moore to become senator of Alabama. You know it's been a crazy year when an alleged pedophile loses a Senate race, and we're all like, "Wow! What an upset!" –Jimmy Fallon

Roy Moore became the first Republican to lose an Alabama Senate race in 25 years. It was so embarrassing, his horse went home in an Uber. –Jimmy Fallon

As the results came in, reporters said it was very quiet at Moore's campaign headquarters. But to be fair, it WAS a school night. –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Hiyo, Sassy! Off to the mall! (The Briefest)

Former White House press secretary Sean Spicer announced yesterday that he is writing a book about his time at the White House called “The Briefing.” Not to be confused with Anthony Scaramucci’s book about his time at the White House called “The Briefest.” –Seth Meyers

Roy Moore’s horses name is Sassy. Well, I mean, that is a lovely name — for a magazine targeted at teenage girls. “Hiyo, Sassy! Off to the mall!” –Stephen Colbert

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

A special place? Is it the exit? (What do 14-year-old girls like?)

Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore rode his horse to go vote in the special election. Because when Roy Moore is choosing a mode of transportation, he always asks himself, “What do 14-year-old girls like?” –Seth Meyers

Former White House chief strategist Steve Bannon said at a campaign rally yesterday that there was a “special place in hell” for Republicans who didn’t support Roy Moore. A special place? Is it the exit? –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

I bet I can get it under 30 by the weekend (My God, what have I done?)

President Trump was all over Twitter today. And I read that Vladimir Putin gets daily reports of Trump’s tweets. And every day, Putin reads them and says, “My God, what have I done?” –Jimmy Fallon

Speaking of tweets, Trump got in a Twitter fight with Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand over his sexual assault allegations. Just this week he insulted a senator, endorsed Roy Moore, and called 20 women liars. It’s like he saw his approval rating was 32 and said, “I bet I can get it under 30 by the weekend.” –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Can we vote for the horse? (One of our attorneys is Jewish)

Today was the big Alabama Senate election. And, as promised, Roy Moore rode his horse to the polls. But it got weird when people said, “Can we vote for the horse?” –Jimmy Fallon

The horse Roy Moore rode was named Sassy. And what doesn’t say “I’m innocent” like a 70-year-old man riding a horse named Sassy? –Jimmy Fallon

Last night Roy Moore's wife tried to defend him against bigotry claims by saying, quote, "One of our attorneys is a Jew." Soooo, happy first night of Hanukkah, everyone! –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

worst matchup for an interview since they sent that honey glazed ham to interview Chris Christie (new neighborhood)

The Alabama Senate election is tomorrow and Roy Moore supporters spent the weekend going door to door just like the Roy Moore has to do when he moves to a new neighborhood. –Stephen Colbert

Moore's campaign just got worse because yesterday we found out that a pro-Trump group sent a 12 year old girl to interview Roy Moore. This is the worst matchup for an interview since they sent that honey glazed ham to interview Chris Christie. –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

the other 20 percent are missing (not allowed at parties)

The Alabama special election for the Senate is tomorrow between Doug Jones of the Democratic Party, and Roy Moore who is not allowed at parties. –Seth Meyers

The New York Times also said there is a rule in the White House that no one is allowed to touch the TV remote except President Trump, and the technical support staff, and I know that sounds insane, but, remember, that’s literally the only rule. –Seth Meyers

According to a Gallup poll, 80 percent of Russians approve of Vladimir Putin’s leadership, while the other 20 percent are missing. –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

the one thing that's not going to change your mind is a phone call from Barack Obama

    

Has everyone been following this big Senate race in Alabama involving Roy Moore and all of the allegations against him? Well, the election is tomorrow and the race is so tight that Barack Obama has been making robo-calls in favor of the Democratic candidate Doug Jones. I don't want to be pessimistic, but if you're a Republican in Alabama voting for Roy Moore, the one thing that's not going to change your mind is a phone call from Barack Obama. –James Corden

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

We prefer to look at the glass as 'half-ungroped.' (Back then I was into older women)

Yesterday, another woman came forward with proof from the 1980s that Roy Moore pursued her when she was 17. Moore said, "What can I say? Back then I was into older women." –Conan O’Brien

Russia has been banned from the Winter Olympics. But don’t feel bad, Russia – even though you won’t win any gold medals, you did win the U.S. presidential election. –Conan O’Brien

A spokeswoman for Roy Moore has defended him, saying there are plenty of women in Alabama that he didn’t sexually abuse. She said, "We prefer to look at the glass as 'half-ungroped.'" –Conan O’Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

I’m gonna get some more coke (male stripper for nursing homes)

The Senate passed a Republican tax bill just before 2 a.m. on Saturday. And if you’re wondering if that’s a good thing, try to remember the last time anything good happened to you at 2 a.m. on a Saturday. 2 a.m. on Saturday is when your drunk friend gets in the back of a police car because he thought it was an Uber and then barfs on himself. 2 a.m. is when your friend who’s into coke says, “I’m gonna get some more coke.” –Seth Meyers

A new poll has found that 48 percent of Roy Moore’s supporters plan to vote for him because “he’s the best person for the job.” What’s the job — male stripper for nursing homes? –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

that’s going to be one awkward photo shoot (reaches out to young people)

Trump created a lot of controversy by endorsing Roy Moore. Today, Trump praised Moore as someone who reaches out to young people. –Conan O’Brien

Due to the harassment scandal, Matt Lauer’s wife has now left the country. She said, “I want to be where in the world Matt Lauer isn’t.” –Conan O’Brien

Time Magazine has published a short list of nominees for Person of the Year, and it includes Colin Kaepernick, Donald Trump, and Robert Mueller. If it’s a three-way tie, that’s going to be one awkward photo shoot. –Conan O’Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

It’s part of their “They Deserve Each Other” tour (tastes like plumber)

Former White House adviser Steve Bannon is heading to Alabama to campaign for embattled candidate Roy Moore. It’s part of their “They Deserve Each Other” tour. –Conan O’Brien

Nintendo has teamed with Kellogg's to make a Mario Brothers cereal. Kellogg's promises that the Super Mario cereal will “taste like plumber.” –Conan O’Brien

A new study finds that men with thick biceps are more likely to live longer. The study also found that I died 10 years ago. –Conan O’Brien

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

what exactly do you have to do to people to lose your colloquial status as 'folks'? (Roy Moore's hat)

    

"Many people have criticized the Bush administration's strategy in the global war on terror. Their plan has always been to take the fight to al Qaeda and slowly, but surely destroy them. So, Mr. President, if you had to sum up your strategy? [on screen: Bush saying al Qaeda has been weakened]. 

Well, Tuesday saw the release of the latest war on terror progress report, a new National Intelligence Estimate on the terrorist threat to the homeland. It says al Qaeda has re-established its central organization, gained a safe haven in Pakistan, and rather than being hurt by the war in Iraq, has been instead 'energized' by it and helped Osama bin Laden to recruit and raise funds. 

But most important about the NIE? It proves once and for all why we must stay in Iraq [on screen: Bush saying, 'The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September 11th']. The same folks? First of all, what exactly do you have to do to people to lose your colloquial status as 'folks'?" --Jon Stewart

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans