you got to admit would be a very smart way to sneak into the country (standing still and being very quiet)

A Texas branch of the NAACP has condemned a social-media video showing people walking down the street in the border town of El Paso wearing KKK robes, which, you got to admit would be a very smart way to sneak into the country. —Michael Che 

Stevie Wonder is trying to evict a woman who has lived rent free in one of his houses for nearly 40 years. The woman was able to stay for that long by standing still and being very quiet. —Michael Che 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Also suspended — the kid who got an A (Oh yeah, I’m really into racing)

After Pope Francis became the first pontiff to address a joint session of Congress today, he went to meet with a group of homeless people. That’s right, he spoke to some people who spend all their time begging for money, and then he met with the homeless. –Seth Meyers

After condemning NFL players for kneeling during the national anthem this weekend, President Trump today tweeted his support for NASCAR. Said Trump, “Oh yeah, I’m really into racing, I guess you could say I’m quite a racist.” –Seth Meyers

A teacher in South Carolina has been suspended after she gave her 5th grade class a homework assignment asking them to justify the KKK’s treatment of African-Americans. Also suspended — the kid who got an A. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, there's a thank-you note you don't hang on your refrigerator (I LIKE where this is going)

If you don't think Donald Trump's statements are racist, you should at least know that racists are happy he made them. Immediately following Trump's speech, former KKK leader David Duke thanked Trump for his "honesty and courage." Well, there's a thank-you note you don't hang on your refrigerator. --James Corden

Up to 11 states are poised to legalize weed, which would bring the total to 14 states. Marijuana activists are thrilled. They're saying, "Wow, 14 states. That's more than half of the states." –James Corden

Former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci — you know, the Mooch — posted a tweet comparing what happened during his firing from the White House to what happened to Monica Lewinsky during the Bill Clinton sex scandal. Now think about this: Scaramucci is comparing himself to someone who helped get a president impeached. I LIKE where this is going. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The seven states that Trump won were shock, denial, guilt, anger, bargaining, depression, and Alabama (Choose Neither)

It was a critical Super Tuesday for the Republican Party. Donald Trump won seven states. Of course, the seven states that Donald Trump won were shock, denial, guilt, anger, bargaining, depression, and Alabama. –James Corden

An analysis of Google shows that searches related to the phrase "How can I move to Canada" spiked last night about 350 percent. Americans always threaten to move to Canada when a reality show host endorsed by the KKK becomes the Republican nominee. –James Corden

Do you know how wrong you have to be for a Pope to dislike you? I mean the Pope's entire thing is literally forgiveness. Pope John Paul hung out with the guy who tried to assassinate him and now Pope Francis is like, "I can't with this Trump guy. I can't." –James Corden

A woman in England was searching a farm with a metal detector when she found what she thought was a foil-wrapped chocolate coin only to find out later that it is a 1500 year old solid gold pendant worth a fortune. Yeah, unbelievable. To get that close to chocolate only to be disappointed. It’s a real bummer. She probably should have known it wasn’t a chocolate coin when she found it using a metal detector. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Very Fine People/Sons of Bitches, pt. 2

In political news, Alabama Senate candidate Luther Strange lost in a special Republican runoff election yesterday. Now Luther Strange had been heavily endorsed by Donald Trump, particularly on Twitter. So of course, now that he lost, Trump has deleted all of those tweets. Trump hasn't dumped anyone that fast since his last wife… and his last communications director… and his daughter, Tiffany. –James Corden

Luther Strange lost to a crazy populist candidate who actually pulled out a pistol on stage at his campaign rally earlier this week. Now, technically, it's still not clear if Luther Strange lost to that guy or just surrendered to him. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

I'm deeply sorry/torture/wiretapping/body armor/Kevin Bacon

According to The Washington Post, in July of 2016, former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort offered to provide private briefings on the presidential race to a Russian billionaire who is close with Vladimir Putin. So Paul Manafort was the campaign manager for Donald Trump, and he met with a billionaire who was friends with Putin, who was in a movie with Kevin Bacon! I did it! –Seth Meyers

A teacher in South Carolina has been suspended after she gave her 5th grade class a homework assignment asking them to justify the KKK’s treatment of African-Americans. Also suspended — the kid who got an A. –Seth Meyers

   

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

Choose your torch wisely (secure our supplies of vibranium)

The U.N. is in town this week and Donald Trump hosted a lunch for African leaders. "I'm greatly honored to host this lunch, to be joined by the leaders of Côte d'Ivoire, Ethiopia, Ghana, Guinea, Nambia. Nambia's health system is increasingly self-sufficient." Now, there is no such country as "Nambia." Despite that, they will soon have a better healthcare system than we do. I might move to Nambia. I hear very good things. –Stephen Colbert

Trump went on to praise the African Republicans of Nambla, Wango-Tango, and Wakanda. "We must secure our supplies of vibranium." "I want to thank Prime Minister Chaka Khan, thank you so much for being here. So wonderful." –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

Remembering Charlottesville (Choose your torch wisely)

And he did it without a single vote from Florida (Guilt by Association?)

"You can tell Al Gore is still worrying about these kind of things. They told him today, 'You received the most votes for the Nobel Peace Prize.' He said, 'Yeah, who won?'" --Bill Maher

"Congratulations to former Vice President Al Gore. He won the Nobel Peace Prize. And he did it without a single vote from Florida." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

So, white supremacists will have to look for love where they usually do (family reunions)

The dating site OkCupid is banning white supremacists. So, white supremacists will have to look for love where they usually do — family reunions. –Jimmy Fallon

Twenty-year-old Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala Yousafzai has been accepted to Oxford University. When she puts her Nobel Prize on the shelf, her roommate will quietly put away all her youth soccer trophies. –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

you know what $700 billion buys? (100 senators and 435 congressmen)

"Tough choices on TV last night. I couldn't decide whether to watch 'Dancing With The Stars' or toe-tapping with Senator Larry Craig. Matt Lauer had his big interview with Senator Craig last night. At first, they had a lot of sound problems. You always get those echoes from the bathroom." --Jay Leno

     

"You know, the interesting thing is, these numbers are so big that people can't even comprehend them. Like $700 billion. See, the best way to understand large amounts of money is to think of it in terms of what it can buy. For example, you know what $700 billion buys? It can buy you 100 senators and 435 congressmen." --Jay Leno

"A baker in Austria is in trouble for making his employees pay for the time they spend in the bathroom. This guy will record their bathroom breaks and then deduct the money from their pay. Can you imagine that? That's got to be Senator Craig's worst nightmare." --Jay Leno

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Bush taught the Dalai Lama how to... (Are you with me, Amerka?)

"If you'd like to find out if you're related to Dick Cheney, there's a very simple test. Here's what you do: You go out to a shooting range and if you can't tell the difference between a lawyer and a quail, you could be related." --Jay Leno

"President Bush met with the Dalai Lama yesterday. It was a good meeting. The Dalai Lama taught President Bush how to meditate, and President Bush taught the Dalai Lama how to just nod off at meetings." --Jay Leno

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Racism is Bad. Are You Happy Now? (Hatriot Pickup Truck)

"Vice President Dick Cheney's wife, Lynne Cheney, said that Barack Obama and Dick Cheney are related. She said they are actually eighth cousins. Lynne Cheney says that Obama and Dick Cheney's connection was the result of one of Obama's ancestors marrying one of Cheney's ancestors in 1650. Even more interesting, you know who introduced them in 1650? Bob Dole." --Jay Leno

"Isn't that amazing, Obama and Cheney related? Dick Cheney now has more blacks and gays in his own family than in the entire Republican Party." --Jay Leno

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

it turns out Rudy Giuliani was briefly married to himself (the family sneer)

"Did you hear that Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are cousins? It's strange, isn't it? In a related story, 20 years ago, it turns out Rudy Giuliani was briefly married to himself." --David Letterman

"Obama and Cheney are actually cousins, but Barack did not inherit the family sneer." --David Letterman

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Many Sides/I Condemn You/Us Too/Many Sides

   

"With tensions multiplying worldwide, the utmost delicacy is called for in today's dangerous world. The weary leader must observe the smallest cultural nuances, choose words with expert care, or you could just go with passive aggression 

[on screen: President Bush saying, 'We've got a leader in Iran who has announced that he wants to destroy Israel. If you're interested in avoiding World War III, it seems like you ought to be interested in preventing them from having the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon']. 

'I guess what I'm saying is this, you either agree with my position, or you're looking to have a thermonuclear reaction bake your shadow instantly into the sidewalk. But hey, that's your opinion and ain't it great we invaded Iraq for your right to have it?'" --Jon Stewart

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Fingers crossed. I call Nazi backsies (improvisation)

Last Saturday, Nazis and the KKK provoked violence in Charlottesville, Virginia. That's what they wanted. That's why they went there. After a Nazi killed a young woman named Heather Heyer, Donald Trump made a statement and improvised during the statement, that there was violence on "many sides, many sides." And people were upset — other than Nazis. Nazis liked it. –Stephen Colbert

So, Chief of Staff John Kelly pressed Trump to make another public statement. Grudgingly, Mr. Trump agreed. "OK, I'll say Nazis are bad, but you can't make me mean it. OK? Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. I call Nazi backsies." –Stephen Colbert

   

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

The Statue of Liberty digs the Long Ball! (Hunger Games)

The studio behind the "Hunger Games" movies announced that it will be opening a theme park in South Korea dedicated to the films. They’re calling it “North Korea.” –Seth Meyers

I'm still recovering from President Trump's kamikaze press conference yesterday, where Donald let Donald be Donald — the consequences and our country be damned. It was truly one for the ages — specifically, 1939 to 1945. –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Trump ended a press conference on a cliffhanger (Robert E. Trump)

While President Trump fielded questions yesterday about Charlottesville, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly was seen staring at the ground with his arms crossed. And after hearing the press conference, so was the Statue of Liberty. –Seth Meyers

When asked yesterday about his confidence in chief adviser and accused white nationalist Steve Bannon, President Trump said, “We’ll see what happens.” This is how much Trump cares about ratings — he ended a press conference on a cliffhanger. “Will Steve Bannon lose his job? Will Mike Pence and his wife finally go all the way? Find out tomorrow on ‘As the World Burns’!” –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

3M doesn't want to be associated with three K’s (Pence's sidecar)

Let's start off with some good news. Donald Trump did not have a press conference today. But, today Donald Trump completely disbanded his manufacturing council after eight members quit in 48 hours. The way these CEOs are leaving Trump, you'd think they were married to him. –James Corden

Forget creating new manufacturing jobs in this country. Trump can't even manufacture manufacturing councils. The CEOs of Intel and Under Armour both resigned. Which means, somehow, Donald Trump figured out a way to lose the nerds and the jocks at the same time. The CEO of the company 3M also resigned, and when Donald Trump asked why, they said that 3M doesn't want to be associated with three K’s. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

there's a thank-you note you don't hang on your refrigerator (transport herself out of there)

Standing next to Trump was Elaine Chao, Trump's secretary of Transportation. Which is good, because right now she's looking for the fastest possible way to transport herself out of there. –James Corden

If you don't think Trump's statements are racist, you should at least know that racists are happy he made them. Immediately following Trump's speech, former KKK leader David Duke thanked Trump for his "honesty and courage." Well, there's a thank-you note you don't hang on your refrigerator. David Duke was so grateful he even sent Trump one of those "hate-able arrangements." –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems