Is someone going to confess to a murder?

“Newt may be toast already. The Republican establishment have the knives out for him. Tom Delay said Newt Gingrich was the most despicable human being he has seen since shaving this morning.” –Bill Maher



“There was another Republican debate in Florida tonight. What is left to know about these candidates? Is someone going to confess to a murder?” –Jimmy Kimmel
 


“Fortunately, tonight's debate was the last one we're going to see. The candidates are going to take a break, spending more time attacking the morals of their families.” –Jimmy Kimmel

John Hulse painting

It reminds Mitt of the country where he keeps his money

“Mitt Romney said he loves Florida. All the sunshine and sandy beaches reminds him of the country where he keeps his money.” –Bill Maher



“Yes, Mitt finally released his tax returns for one year. It turns out he keeps a lot of his money in the Cayman Islands, in Bermuda, Luxemburg, a Swiss bank account. And he said he’s not trying to evade paying taxes by keeping his money in these places. That’s like saying I got caught with meth and crack, but it wasn’t because I was trying to get high.” –Bill Maher



“These debates have jumped the shark because last night the Republicans talked about three things: deporting Mexican grandmothers, building a colony on the moon that could become the 51st state, and how Obama is out of touch.” –Bill Maher



John Hulse painting

Everyone got what they wanted this week

“Everyone got what they wanted this week; liberals got a home run State of the Union from their President of the United States and conservatives got Heidi Klum back from Seal.” –Bill Maher



“Look at that (image of Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer's finger in Obama's face). Right to the President of the United States. Now, Jan Brewer says she regrets the confrontation, but these are the kind of problems that arise when we permit negroes to read.” –Bill Maher



“Jan Brewer also said, I swear to God, this is the quote -- today she said, or yesterday she was interviewed about this, she said she felt a 'little bit threatened.' Really? On the tarmac in broad daylight? What was he going to do, deck her? Or buy the house next door? I mean, wow. Lord help this woman if she ever runs into a really scary black guy like Wayne Brady or Urkel.” –Bill Maher



When Washington gets its prostate checked, it tickles you!

"You're not a Washington insider? You, the former Speaker of the House and Freddie Mac consulting millionaire, are the Washington insider. When Washington gets its prostate checked, it tickles you!" –Jon Stewart, on Newt Gingrich campaigning as a Washington outsider

“Rick Santorum (is taking) fire from the left. He may want to get a Kevlar sweater vest.” –Stephen Colbert



"Mitt Romney released his tax records and they showed that he earned $42 million over the last two years. So now the other candidates aren't running for president. They're running to be Mitt Romney." –Conan O'Brien



"People who saw Steven Tyler sing the National Anthem at the Patriots game yesterday said, 'Nancy Regan really looks good for her age." But Steven Tyler got some of the lyrics wrong, so now everyone thinks the song goes, 'Flag looks like a lady.'" –Conan O'Brien



I'll be there in five teachers

"President Obama told the nation ‘The state of our union is strong,’ while Newt Gingrich told his wife, 'The state of our union is open.'" –Conan O'Brien



"A new website just came out that’s designed to calculate how long it takes Mitt Romney to earn your salary. So from now on, whenever Mitt Romney is running late, he can call there and say, 'I'll be there in five teachers.'" –Conan O'Brien



"What's interesting is in the time it took you to think about that joke, Mitt Romney made $65 million." –Conan O'Brien

John Hulse painting

Jeeves, be a good chap and remove my opera gloves (moves on to something better)

"Mitt Romney is going to release 2010 and 2011 tax returns. Not to be outdone, Newt Gingrich is going to release his 1988, 1994, and 2005 wedding vows." –Conan O'Brien



"Mitt Romney lost in South Carolina. He's getting desperate. With the Florida primaries coming up, today Mitt Romney's campaign staff said the gloves are off. Or to use Romney's exact words, "Jeeves, be a good chap and remove my opera gloves.'" –Conan O'Brien



‎"After disappointing showings in Iowa and New Hampshire, Newt's campaign looked terminally ill – which is generally when he moves on to something better." –Stephen Colbert



      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Do you have any Grey Poupon? (real streets of America)

"Newt Gingrich was cheating on his second wife while he was prosecuting Bill Clinton for the Monica Lewinsky thing. In other words, Newt puts the 'hippo' in 'Hypocrite.'" –Jimmy Kimmel



"Gingrich is lining up impressive endorsements. Todd Palin, Gary Busey, and now, Chuck Norris. I'll tell you, his endorsements could beat up Mitt Romney's endorsements." –Jimmy Kimmel



"During a debate, Mitt Romney said he grew up in the real streets of America. Yes, the real streets, where people pull up next to you and ask if you have any Grey Poupon." –Jimmy Kimmel 



    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans