It’s the same reason, ‘Did I do that’ was Urkel’s catchphrase and not O.J.’s (what does Trump think he’s being impeached for?)

February 2021

Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene apologized for her extensive conspiracy theories saying, ‘nobody’s perfect.’ Yeah, I don’t think perfect is the standard we were holding you too. We would just settle for not violently insane. Nobody’s perfect is a cutesy little phrase you say when you accidentally mess up a lunch order. It doesn’t really apply when you accuse kids of making up a mass shooting. It’s the same reason, ‘Did I do that’ was Urkel’s catchphrase and not O.J.’s. —Colin Jost

Trump will be defended at his impeachment trial by the lawyers who refused to prosecute Bill Cosby and agreed to represent Jeffrey Epstein before his death. Which raises the question, what does Trump think he’s being impeached for? —Colin Jost

A Florida man spent lockdown building a roller coaster for his children in the back yard. ‘Wow, I’d love to see it,' said Child Services. —Colin Jost

 

Everyone got what they wanted this week

“Everyone got what they wanted this week; liberals got a home run State of the Union from their President of the United States and conservatives got Heidi Klum back from Seal.” –Bill Maher



“Look at that (image of Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer's finger in Obama's face). Right to the President of the United States. Now, Jan Brewer says she regrets the confrontation, but these are the kind of problems that arise when we permit negroes to read.” –Bill Maher



“Jan Brewer also said, I swear to God, this is the quote -- today she said, or yesterday she was interviewed about this, she said she felt a 'little bit threatened.' Really? On the tarmac in broad daylight? What was he going to do, deck her? Or buy the house next door? I mean, wow. Lord help this woman if she ever runs into a really scary black guy like Wayne Brady or Urkel.” –Bill Maher