He said he wants to live long enough to make sure nobody else gets healthcare (Hosni W. and Jeb)

“Dick Cheney was talking to a reporter right after the surgery and he said he wants to live long enough to make sure nobody else gets healthcare.” –David Letterman

"Since Osama bin Laden was killed, they say the brand name of Al Qaeda has been damaged. Osama bin Laden's death has damaged the brand — that and poor customer service." –David Letterman

"Hosni Mubarak was arrested near the Red Sea. They found him in hiding with his two sons, Hosni W. and Jeb." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's an 80-year-old guy running around with poll numbers less than half his age (big fans of pressurized foam)

Joe Biden broke his own record for oldest sitting president on Monday, as he turned 81 years old. Also oldest leaning president and oldest just lying down to rest my eyes president. —Stephen Colbert

Biden celebrated his birthday with some of the lowest poll numbers of his presidency – his approval rate is currently around 40%. Still, pretty good for an 80-year-old guy running around with poll numbers less than half his age. —Stephen Colbert

Biden still has his supporters, and here’s what they love about him: he’s not somebody much worse.  New polls find that many Biden voters are more motivated to stop Trump than support Biden. Well yeah, nobody buys a fire extinguisher because they’re big fans of pressurized foam. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's got to be hard to bite the hand that bribes you (Instead of 70 virgins)

"A republican congressman actually apologized to BP's CEO for the way the company has been treated. How stupid are you when the CEO of BP is in the room and people think you're the moron?" –Jay Leno

"To be fair, it's not easy for a lot of these congressmen. It's got to be hard to bite the hand that bribes you." –Jay Leno

"Al Qaeda is not what it used to be. You can see they don't have the money anymore. Instead of 70 virgins, martyrs now get a gift certificate to Olive Garden." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

On Tuesdays I hold gun, you hold bullets. Tomorrow, I wear flip, you wear flop. (when life gives you Lymans)

October 2022

“Vladimir Putin forced four regions of occupied eastern Ukraine to hold sham votes. On Friday, Putin announced in a speech that Russia would officially annex the regions. Congratulations, guys! You’re now a part of Russia, so you can enjoy Russia’s national pastime: fleeing Russia.” —Stephen Colbert

“In his speech, Putin called Russia a great millennial power. Oh, Russia is a total millennial. They’re depressed, they’re spiraling into debt, and they love avocado toast, which in Russia … is potato.” —Stephen Colbert

“Putin also boasted that people in the territories would ‘become our citizens forever’. That’s right, forever! Or several minutes, whichever comes first, because while Putin was declaring victory, Ukrainian forces were retaking the city of Lyman. It’s just like the old saying: when life gives you Lymans, Ukrainian forces will crush you and take them back within 24 hours.” —Stephen Colbert

“There’s a technical reason the Russian army is getting its ass kicked: it sucks. According to one Ukrainian commander, Russian troops he’s faced have worn flip-flops and sharing guns. [Colbert broke out his Russian parody accent]: ‘Sergei, Sergei, we discussed this! On Tuesdays I hold gun, you hold bullets. Tomorrow, I wear flip, you wear flop.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”